mainly i spose cos i cant decide whether i want to be in this relationship. ive been thinking for all this time but i cant decide. We have stopped having sex and i sometimes feel suffocated and i feel anxious a lot of the time. I really love him but half of me wants to just be independent and live by myself and only have to worry about myself..and this relationship makes me feel tired ...like i always have to be the strong one leading everything and i would just like him to take charge. also i wonder (this sounds horrible) if i couldnt do better and be happier on my own. i guess what im asking is i hve been thinking about moving out for just a month and he could go on living here like normal and i will pay my share..but just to have a chance to be me and not worry about someone else. if he wanted i wouldnt sleep with anyone else. Is this normal way to feel? am i being unreasonable? do you think he should go a long with me doing this if its what i need? its just it feels wrong 2 breakup
2007-02-26 13:18:36 · 15 answers · asked by darkling 5 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
The feelings you are feeling sound pretty normal to me. You were young when you got together, it's only natural that now you have grown up a bit you would want to know what else is out there. I do think however, that if you move out for "a month" you won't go back. Weigh up your pros and cons, what is it exactly that you are getting out of the relationship? What is it that you want from a relationship? Can you live happily in a relationship where you feel that you have to prop your partner up emotionally? Can you go without sex?
These are just a few of the questions that I would ask myself. Sounds to me like your mind is pretty well made up. I understand why it would seem "wrong" to break up, but honestly, you have to do what is right for you, and while it may be hard in the beginning, it is likely to be the best thing you ever did.
2007-02-26 13:27:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No there is nothing wrong with the way you feel. You have lost your identtity as a person. You have forgotten who you are.
You want your independence back, to be a woman again.
I would not move out though. You could loose everything house children etc.
The feelings you have now is not new. Might be a good idea to say you would like to go on a loverly holiday. In the mean time for the sake of $400 $500 consult a lawyer and ask about your position, if you were to leave the home for a certain period of time, there may be conseqences.
I know the feeling and I did the next best thing took a sabbatical for 1 year and I did consult a lawyer.
The best thing I ever did, I found myself and my indenpendence
and I have never felt so good and free to live my life as me.
I actually forgot who I was because my children & husband robbed me of my peson and life.
I now have a wonderful job and fantastic friends. I run my own business and I now spend quality time for myself.
Play Tennis take trips when and wherever without having to ask or say where I am going.
I get along extremely well with my children more so now then I ever did.
My husband feels a bit lost but I have no regrets. Yes it's been
three years and its wonderful. Never did get a divorce, never needed one and still don't. I have male friends, no one special as my involvment is purely platonic, and believe me that's all I want.
Having the space I have now is absolutly brilliant.
Take the time to be on your own and go away for awhile to focus on what it is you really do want.
I reccommend the time away.
2007-02-26 13:42:06 · answer #2 · answered by aotea s 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you do for you? it sounds like you just want to find yourself. Nothing wrong with that. If you don't want to break up with him, ask him for some space because you need time to find yourself. I have found that between 20-30 you learn who you are. you have been partnered up throughout that time and it seems like you haven't had a chance to figure out who YOU are. When we are in relationships we compromise to make things work. You need a time to do for you, without compromise. If this man loves you he will understand. take a vacation (alone). Reassure your man you will not compromise the relationship by sexual infidelity and have fun doing whatever your heart desires. I bet you will feel refreshed when you get back. Hope this helps!
2007-02-26 14:20:33 · answer #3 · answered by Starshika 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you two go in for couples counseling? If you are both not sure what you want, counseling will help you to work thru your feelings and come to some decision, which is what you both need. You are in limbo right now, not a good place to be in. You have been together for a long time and maybe have gotten into some unhealthy routines that have led to this present situation.
2007-02-26 13:54:27 · answer #4 · answered by MadforMAC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
breaking up, it feels incorrect yet thats precisely what you're attempting to do. The rather unhappy ingredient is that it seems which you opt for the better half to approve (with the objective to talk saving face)so which you don`t could desire to stand up and face the indisputable fact which you would be seen as are responsible for putting the marriage on carry or ending it alltogather, and additionally you opt for your friends to beleive that the dating you have along with your better half has subject concerns that have brought about the parting of way fairly of you being judged for the split.It`s egocentric and immoral.there's a thank you to leave legally,pass to a criminal expert and document for a criminal Seperation.You made a private committment,binding by utilising regulation.Now to pursue this path you're are longingly dreaming of, you may desire to take the severe street and do issues in an truthful and up front way so it doesn`t come again around to chew you in the tip...Marrige doesn`t could desire to be a burden except you're making it one.you are able to no longer carry somebody-else to blame for whom an what you're or for the form you sense.
2016-10-02 01:25:44 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think moving out will end the relationship so it needs to be the right decision. My initial reaction is that relationships will have ups and downs. Look at work, your friends, and your parents. It is not always great and sometimes it is really bad for several months. At the end is the decision regarding whether you both want to work on it to make it improve. IYou too might want to consider counseling.
2007-02-26 13:27:14 · answer #6 · answered by toledogolf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It just sounds to me like the two of you have hit a slump period. The thing is, I think that if you have never been on your own then you should try it. I think if you are just trying this though that you should stay faithful to your partner. The two of you have been together a long time and to just throw it away without exploring other opportunities does not sound right to me. I wish the best of luck to you, and you may find that the grass is not always greener on the other side. :)
2007-02-26 13:27:08 · answer #7 · answered by Azure M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all..once sex stops, it means there is something more than what you've stated wrong. 12 years is a long time with someone you love...to just throw away..But then again, so is 24 years out of a life spent with someone you didn't enjoy being around. Your instincts are to be faithful to the one you love..You must be the judge if it is the one you are with, or the one you have yet to find.
2007-02-26 13:43:14 · answer #8 · answered by Forgotten Man 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should do what you feel in your heart. You can still live by yourself and be independent and still have a relationship. But make days for just you and then days just for the both of you. If he loves you he will support your answer either way. Do what feels right. Be your true self.
2007-02-26 13:26:53 · answer #9 · answered by J R P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one knows what committment and real love is. This is materialistic lifestyle. All based on selfish sense gratification. The problem with society today is they don't know the purpose of life and how to make advancement. Instead they only think of themselves and glide down to hellish consciousness and creat suffering for others and themselfves. go to harekrishnatemple.c Read Bhagavad Gita as it si By Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada- tells the purpose of human life, how to end all karma, and stop the repeated cycle of birth death old age and diseasee (reincarnation,) and how to make the most spiritual advancement and be truly happy.
2007-02-26 13:31:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋