Should I tell him?

Question

I filed papers for divorce today. He lives in another state. The papers will be mailed to his post office box and when he gets them he has to serve papers. I didn't want to do it because I still love him and everything but my mom forced me to do it, well not really but kinda. Either I get a divorce or she's kicking me out and sending me back to him. He's physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive by the way....I know you're gonna say that my mom has lots of sense, but thats not the point and the question. My question is should I tell him and let him find out?? My second question is what is "serving papers"?? Help me out here this is a painful and confusing time for me...

I'm scared he'll never talk to me again and I want to see him every now and then. What would be best... :'(

Answer 1

IF HE IS ABUSIVE, I AGREE WITH YOUR MOM. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN LIFE THAT YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DESERVE THIS TYPE OF TREATMENT? STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. YOU CAN DO IT!! YOU DESERVE BETTER BECAUSE YOU ARE BETTER. CUT YOUR LOSSES, DON'T TURN AROUND, KEEP GOING FOREWARD. LIFE HAS GOOD THINGS IN STORE FOR YOU, JUST SAY YES! I GOT OUT 26 YEARS AGO, AND I LIVED TO TELL THE TALE.
GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

Listen, you are the most important person in your life, and you would not of followed mom's advice if you thought she was wrong? right! so if something is telling you he will flip, wait a bit or find out the day he will he served the papers and tell him the night before, to get it off your chest then you can say I would not of told you if I thought you where going to be this way, I still want to be friends have enough respect for me to tell me I am a human being just like you. I am afraid I agree with your mom, life is too short to live with abuse, I lived with it for 23 years and I am still getting over it. Find a new life, be appriciative and positive and everything will be positive. If you are negative it will be that way to you as well. Like I said, tell him the night before the papers come in and get the nitty gritty over with the night before he calls you all night and drives you nutts with nastey messages, that way you are telling him first, you will have the nasty messages over with because you told him the night before early so you have time to put up with the calls and deal with it that way. As for serving papers kid, that is the formal response for being served legally with divorce/separation papers. That prooves to a police officer yes we where married and yes we are getting a divorce these are the papers and yes if he tries to hurt you or vice versa here are the legal papers stating this and yes he has a reason to hurt me because yes i filed the papers and yes he has been abusive in the past because of x,y, z. If there are no papers, then the law cannot protect you as you are now into a "well I am not sure I want a divorce" I love him but he wont talk to me and the police cannot help you then, You need a reasons to say yes I am divorcing him and yes he is not taking this very well, can you help me. Well yes if you served papers if no papers are served you are left well see ya, cant help you. I hope this helped, take care Heather

Answer 3

Honey - this man SHOULDN'T BE in your life! Don't call him. He'll know he's getting the papers when he gets them.

Better that he gets mad and never calls you again then you ending up dead - which is what staying in an abusive relationship will get you. Either that - you one day when your finally fed up - you'll kill him and end up in prision. Is that what you want?

If your answer is no - then you have to go through with this divorce and leave this abuser behind. Ask your Dr. for some Zoloft or other anti-depressant to take temporaily to get over the depression from the relationship. It will also help you to think more clearly and realize this was a terrible situation for you to be in. Good luck!

Answer 4

First off, you ARE doing the right thing by divorcing him. I don't think you need to give him a heads up that the papers are coming or he may decide to intimidate you into cancelling your decision. You need to carry through, trust me, you will be happy once you experience life without that type of control. Serving papers is when he reads the divorce application, he must go and respond and have the papers sent by way of courier to be served upon you with a response. To help ease your mind some, think about this. If he were to walk back into your life, how many days a week could you honestly say you felt great about life, you couldn't wait to wake up each day and see the sun shine, you couldn't wait to go to bed each night to be caressed by loving arms? Now think about, how many days would you be afraid, how many times would you take a beating for something you weren't really sure you were responsible for, and how many times would you cry yourself to sleep. Let him go, DIVORCE him, allow your mom to help you through it and keep on seeking advice on Yahoo if it gives you strength. Good luck.

Answer 5

Does he think you are getting a divorce or will it come as a total shock? If it's going to be a shock and he's abusive you might want to tell him before so that you can know when he knows and judge his reaction so that he doesn't get mad and come looking for you mad and you had no idea he knew already. If he has an idea then let him find out the hard way just like you had to find out the hard way he wasn't a good husband.

Answer 6

Maybe you should tell him...or maybe just let the papers get served in his face. Your mom may be right especially if you said he was abusive..It seems you are better off without him...Serving papers I believe means that will be the divorce papers that he will have to sign...if he doesn't want to divorce you, he won't sign them. Good Luck

Answer 7

You need ot leave your mom's house now and go to a woman's shelter for now for help asap. Your mom should not be forcing you to do this until you are ready. I can see why she wants you to divorce him though BUT it still is ultimatley your choice. I understand that you still love him but you really do need to let him go and stay away from the abuse and never go back to him. You need to move on with your life without him in it. You will be much better for it trust me. I dont feel you should even be wanting to talk to him at all as he is not good for you since he is so very abusive and mean. You need counseling and help to get past this and away from him as well.

Answer 8

well serving papers is the papers to file a motion for divorce.. this can be very painful but why wouldnt you tell????/ Is something that you really dont want or , or you undecided... i know its hard enough to go through alone but you need to sit back and think of all the times he mistreated you does the bad out way the good becuase if it does then you know you did the right thing, and who is to say that if you stay things wont get worse for the both of yall its obivious that he needs alot of help and maybe the only way for him to get help is if you step back and let him go forward with his life, you know if he treats you this way then he will treat other people this way and i think its time for him to realize that he can longer treat women like this.... if you would like to talk you can email good luck

Answer 9

What makes you attracted to him physically?
What can you see in your childhood that would make you look for such an abuser as an adult. Is this type of abuse something you were brought up with by any chance?
Their is absolutely no doubt that your mom is wright. She's got a funny way of putting her point accross though. It seems to me you need a big hug from her and not a kick in the but.

Answer 10

I'm really saddened to see that you think a physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive man is someone to hang on to and love. Not talking to you again will be a blessing, believe me.
You needn't tell him- it's possible that he's already found someone new and won't care very much. Sorry, but most abusive men don't remain very long without a victim.

Answer 11

If you don't want to do it then get a job and then an apartment and move out of your mommys house, and then you can decide to be with whoever you want to. I guess your mom controls whatever you do. I dont see why you got married when you cant even make your own decisions.