how do you know it is time to leave?

Question

I have married for 10 years to a great guy. We have two children( 9 and 7), but lately all I have been thinking of is how life would be better would someone else, probably a girl. My husband is great provider but he does treat our family as an inconveince, he only makes time for us when it is good for him and as for me, well daily insults are given, yes they are supposedly delivered as a joke but hurt . I have spoken to him about it but none thing has changed. Anyway i just needed advice from strangers. what does every one think, should I leave, am I possibly gay? AHH too confusing please help. Please only serious and helpful comments.

sorry I didn't mean to imply that I was gay( and no there is nothing wrong with being gay) just wanted to know if these feelings were normal, and again I have to respond I have no been seeking "gayness" for any amount of time. I have always wondered, just now it has shown full force. Anyway about huby just more bakgroung he is 43 and I am 28. I married him when I was 18. So it does make me wonder if I am with him because it is easier than being alone ( he makes over 80,000$) but he does make me feel like pooh becuase I want to stay at home woth our children so my question is what should I do? I am at a lose , I love my children, but I want the best for them. So should I stay to make my children happy, or should I move on and maybe face poverty but happiness?

Answer 1

Homosexuality is wrong and against God's will.
You need and have to first seek God and have him in your marriage.
If you seek him......He will see and bless you two.

Answer 2

First you are normal. Marriage is hard work, especially if one person is working harder. Second, the fantasies about another girl are normal, you are bored with what you have, so something different is entertaining your mind, that's all. But fantasies are rarely as good in real life as they are in your dreams. Relationships whether male/female or female/female are the same - it takes committment and work to obtain the happiness and love. First, take the kids to a babysittes and arrange to sit down and talk with your husband. Suggest that couples counseling could help you both to appreciate each other more. He could be resenting you for being a stay at home mom while he is out working hard (men rarely understand how hard it is to be a stay at home mom). And start treating him really, really good. Lots of I love yous, give him a back rub with hot oil, tuck notes into his jacket pocket or lunch bag. When you treat someone really really well, usually they will take a look at how they are treating you and reciprocate. Remember you reap what you sow. If after all this you decide that this marriage is not to be saved, then you need to take actions to separate. Maybe some time apart will help and you could end up back together and better than ever, or divorced and happier than you have been. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

I don't know what to say about your curiousity for gayness however with respect to your children I think your happiness is what is best for them. If you only married your husband for the money then that is why most of the problems are occuring today. If you loved him there would be more to the story than what you said. You have to know in your heart your reasons for marrying this man. Now if you want to be with a woman now that is something that I can not help you with. But the way it should be with man and woman the way it is now you are certainly having a problem. So face it and confront it and go with it. If that means you will be happy to be alone than with your husband your children will understand. Everything we do is suppose to be for the best interest of the children but sitting at home depressed and feeling unwanted or unloved by your husband is not an exception for the kids...they will feel your hurtness, your aloneness and you will become withdrawn...avoid it by facing it now...no matter what

Answer 4

I imagine he seemed to be a "great guy" when you met, but sometimes people can change. No one deserves to be insulted or neglected, and family should come first, and not be treated as an "inconvenience." Being provided for is not the same as really loving someone. Try to remember that love shouldn't hurt.

I would encourage you to talk with a counselor about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. A counselor could also help you to be able to define your needs. This is the number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). It's free and confidential. They can also connect you to a local agency that will help you explore resources in your own community too. And always remember, if you feel afraid, you can always call 911.

I wish you the best!

Answer 5

You Obviously got married too young. The age difference will matter in the long run because you were still growing up. You do have 2 children to consider now. IF you are unhappy then something is missing in your relationship. Maybe you need a part Time job. get out and meet other people. Staying at home all the time and watching Oprah is not a way to live.

Answer 6

You mentioned your spouse is a good provider as if that fact is the only thing making you stay. If money isn't really that important to you than forget that factor and concentrate your questioning on all the other important values in life.
First and formost is happiness for you and your kids. Kids want to be happy and they don't need that much materially for that. You will need to provide a minimal level of decent clothing to ensure their self estime.
Second, your sexual preferences. Don't forget that everybody's preference is situated somewhere on a scale of 1 to 10. You may actually be a 5 and if so deal with it. You can also be a 4 or a 6 and decide to go the other way sometimes. Who cares.
As long as you're happy internally. That will reflect itself in your kids well beeing too
Third, if your husband isn't violent, you may choose to stay with him and live your own sexual life somewhow. Again, who cares.
Your husband does'nt own your body just because you maried him
Think about all that in a serein and relaxed way. Nature has given you the wright to be happy.
Good luck and if you have a girlfriend, by all means go for it and be happy my dear.

Answer 7

i think that if you are not happy in your marriage then its only going to hurt you and the kids more if you stay out of duty.
if you think that you would be happier with someone else wether it is male or female then do it but dont leave just because you are bored or want to try something new because you will end up more unhappy then you are already
In the end what is best for you and the kids as well as your your husband does he feel unhappy with the way things are
if both you and your husband are unhappy then why dont you try a trial seperation and see how you both feel after a month or so
or go on a family hoilday and try and rekindle the love and passion if you can get a family member to watch the kids even better

go with your instint and do whats right for you and the rest of your family

good luck

Answer 8

We shall see how well you do with a serious and realistic answer. You know, you sound like a million others. You seem to think that you missed something, that life is always better somewhere esle or that you for some reason deserve more and better. Whether or not you earn better or deserve better then you usually get is a completely different matter.

How do you know when its time to leave? Well, depends on if you have any morals or decency about you. If you are like most of the answers or most of the people of today, those are in short supply with you, so leave now. For you will only think of every excuse or justification to do so anyway, right? The only correct answer to that question is when one of you cheats on the other or one of you dies. But I doubt you will accept that answer.

Look, it seems to me that you probably find reasons to be mad at him, to allow yourself to feel like a victim and then get out. If you try hard enough, you can always find things with another person which you can take as a slight or justification to be mad or unhappy with them. Probably just what you are doing.

Prince Charming was a fairytale. Deal with it. You could have a lot worse in a husband. But then you gals think that you are suppose to get everything your fairytales included, and if you dont, you are not being treated right. Funny how most of you dont ever bother to find out how miserably you fail to match the fairytale he envisioned. Most of you couldnt care less about that, now could you?

You know, you might want to think a bit here. Just how often have your ideas of how things will be or will work, actually matched real life? There is a clue there if you are smart enough to grasp it.

As far as with another girl. What, you think that isnt cheating? It is also perverse. But hey, like I said, you are probably able to justify whatever you wish or want to do. You are simply here looking for support in doing so. Only reason this seems to confuse you is because you are hiding in the confusion rather then admitting the what you know is the right answer. Remember, a grey area is nothing more then a place for people to hide in.

Answer 9

I don't think you're gay, perhaps curious. You are feeling no different than alot of women who have put their heart and soul into a seemingly, meaningless relationship that lacks the compassion we so desire. Often, our minds wander to how life could be better if we were to be with a woman, the symbol of compassion and understanding, the person who can give back what they receive. Follow your heart, is it really worth a lifetime of staying just because he is a great person who isn't right for you or do you go for the gusto and find your true happiness?

Answer 10

It sounds to me like you are ready to leave but are afraid of the financial implications and rightly so.

You need to plan your exit by first making yourself financially independent. Get some training , then get a job. If you leave you can no longer be a stay at home Mum so start practising now. You need to spend some serious time researching what is out there for you to do because you don't want to be out there onyour own with kids living on minimum wage. If he is not Physically abusive, be practical and exit at your convenience.

Answer 11

Your children probably would be happier if you left your husband. You do need to move on and find a happier life where you are treated good and respected. Do not stay in a bad relationship you will regret it as time goes on and it will not help your children at all. Be Happy MOVE ON. Good Luck