bum boyfriend?

Question

I have a boyfriend who only works weekends and is in uni but doesnt go to any lectures. He did this last year insisting that he would go this year. I really care about him and want him to succeed, but his parents pay for everything so he doesnt really have to do anything. He always goes out and spends money on beer. Dont get me wrong he is a good boyfriend and we have fun together. I worry about him though, and feel helpless. When I talk to him about it he says that im anoying and interfering but I think its important for us to discuss that! What do you think? From a caring girlfriend

Answer 1

You say that he treats you good, but he is telling you that you are annoying and interfering. That is not being a good boyfriend.
A good bf wants to listen to you all the time and should think that what you have to say is important.
He isn't going to the classes cause his parents are giving him a free ride. Why is he enrolled in school anyways? Have you told them that he isn't going to class?
Your boy needs to grow up.

Answer 2

I think that it's great that u care about him doing well. However, he thinks that it's annoying. Obviously he isn't on the same page as u r and maybe he has a plan that u don't know about. Whatever, the situation is he doesn't seem like he wants your input. I guess he doesn't think that it's your problem (that's a sign that he isn't thinking of your relationship as a long term thing)I think that u should:
A) just let him do what he wants as long as he isn't expecting u to pay for his lifestyles. Continue to have fun and let him do the same. It's not like he's your husband or responsibility.

OR

B) If for whatever reason u are looking to have a potentially long term relationship maybe u should break up because he's not on the same page. Be sure to talk to him about it first (if u havn't already).
-U seem like a great gf. Wish I had a gf that cared that much. Any guy would (should) be happy to be with u. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Well, to start with, you can't change him. He will do whatever he wants regardless of you. You can nag, whine, cajole, and yell, and it will not change.

So you really need to ask yourself, knowing that this is the way he'll be forever, if he's for you. Don't think you can change him. That is one of the biggest female fantasies of the twentieth century.

If he's fun, then sure, no problem, but if you start feeling resentment or anything like that - you'd better do something about it.

FP

Answer 4

Sounds like he doesn't want your input, so let go and let him experience his own consequences. You might also want to attend an Alanon meeting to hear the stories of women who have lived thier lives trying to control the behavior of their men. Your boyfriend's interest in beer could lead into a life that you will hear about at Alanon.

Answer 5

hmmm well my advice would be to move on and find a guy who cares about the future and can stand on his own two feet.

Answer 6

All I can tell you to do is to try to motivate him to change. I believe that all people have the power to change but change is a two-way street. Your boyfriend must be willing to make this change; he must be willing to accept your motivation & support as love and you must be willing to support & motivate him.
I believe people can change but in order for them to change there must be a few things in place in order for them to do so. The person must want to change, the person must be committed to the change they're making, and not be afraid of what the change will bring.
When you want to change, you're increasing your self-power. You are in charge of your life because it's up to you what you want other people to see. When you think you've created the person you want to be, you'll see how others will see you because they'll give you comments on your character but if they don't then there's more you need to work on.
When you're committed to change, you'll want to work on yourself and become excited to work on you. You'll begin to understand yourself, what you want from yourself, and no matter how long it takes, you'll pursue it.
Changes can bring out the best in you but the worst in those around you. Some people will think you're being selfish but you need to be more involved in yourself to save yourself. If those around you can't see that you're doing what's best for you, then they're not meant to be around you.
I changed a few things about my character three years ago and am continuing to change for the better of myself.
It's hard to change even when you want to because there are so many temptations around you just waiting to test you but it's up to you to have the will power to say what you need and what you don't need no matter what the consequences. With those consequences comes results because in the end, you'll end up with what's better for you.
-----------------------------------------------------
In summary, ask yourself who you are. I believe only you can answer this question. We are what we have created, and if what we have created is not bringing us pleasure or happiness, it is up to us to change, and keep changing until you're happy with the person you have to become. This is called 'evolving'. The goal of life is to evolve, to keep moving forward and never be satisfied, for that will stop the progress. Ask yourself each day, "Am I happy with the person I've become?"
Really look at the things that displease you; the good news is that facing those things about you that you don't like is the 1st step toward change. Change requires a shift in thinking. You can't keep things the same old way & expect that life is going to be any different.
When you're ready to work on yourself ask those around you for forgiveness when you're going to be working on yourself. You must be completely honest with yourself about forgiveness because you cannot pretend to have done so.

Answer 7

Loser. Kick him to the curb and get someone with ambition.

Answer 8

don't expect him to change. just because he may need to rethink and rework his priorities, doesn't mean he will. if he is not ambitious enough or well enough to match your priorities, leave and find someone who does and will.

Answer 9

They don't ever change honey. You gotta just accept them for who they are or move on.

Answer 10

cut and run.