Okay, so I've been in iraq for the last 5 months. I was engaged before I went home on leave. I married my fiance a couple days after I got home. She means the world to me. The kicker is that three days after we got married i found out that she was in a relationship with another man the whole time i've been deployed. I wasn't thinking clearly, and was hardly in a state of mind to make any rational descisions. I stayed with her. What she did eats at me everyday. Now to complicate things even further my bestfriend confesed her love for me. I've been in love with her for a long time. I just thought the road went one way. I know that my friend is a better woman than any man could ask for, but i made a comitment that iI take very seriously. I'm stuck between what I want and what I need. The asurance of a fruitfull relationship and the vows I took. They both know about it. I'm not sneeking around. I'm gonna stay with my wife of coarse. But is that the right decision? Am I a fool?
2007-02-26 11:09:49 · 12 answers · asked by huntsafister 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all Thank You for serving our country you have more dignity and courage unlike people like private P. Second of all if your wife could not tell you about the relationship she was involved in before you got married then that is wrong, and I think you should divorce her and start a relationship with you best friend. You need to do what makes you happy because unless you are happy with yourself, you cannot make anyone else happy. Good Luck and God Bless.
2007-02-26 11:39:27 · answer #1 · answered by sweetpea22306 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to find out why your wife married you when she had been in another relationship when you were away. Does she really love you and is she still fooling around? If you both sort this out and can truly move on to build a strong and lifelong relationship together then good luck. If not you need to separate and then see what develops with the friend. But learn from your last mistake, take you time and make sure of how you feel before you rush in and do anything
2007-02-26 19:20:09 · answer #2 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm proud you served in the military your a brave man,Glad you made it back safe.My thoughts>You deserve better i know you love her,but what she did is heartbreaking.The worse anyone could do to someone going into battle words can't describe her.The trust is gone, respect is gone, there is nothing she can or will ever do to replace the damage & hurt .You will never be a fool,she has that honor.It's your call You derserve so much better,Cut your losses no matter how much it hurts, as you will not forget, maybe forgive. Sorry if i talk so harsh it a shame .God Bless you.Good luck in your future.
2007-02-26 19:33:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would say your a fool, but than we all have our own realities, based on our life experiences and our belief systems and how we were raised. i would always pick what i need before what i want, because what we want now we may not want later on but we will always be looking to meet out needs. she your wife, cheated on u before the marriage, and still married u knowing what she had done. no conscience, no integrity, what do u have anyway but someone u really can't trust. she is just a want, not a need. what u need to be happy is trust, integrity, faith, hope, someone who has good character, who isn't impulsive, who can control her impulses. if u know your friend is the better choice, divorce the other one before u get more of the same old stuff from the wife. u really didn't know her as well as u thought. u are just setting yourself up for more pain by staying with the wife.
2007-02-26 19:56:03 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow. What a dispute! The most popular answer sounds like its breaking it off with your wife and going with your best friend. But it is understandable why you wanna stay with your wife. You made a commitment. Any honest man or woman must value that commitment if your relationship is worth anything.
But what your wife has done is nearly unforgivable. She broke her vows and that’s a hard hole in your joined path to repair. However, only you know how she feels about this massive mistake she has made. Does she understand and want you to forgive her? Will she go to the end of the Earth to please and make it up to you? Because that’s the LEAST she needs to do. How you forgave her so easily I'm not sure. But like I said before, only you truly know the tension between you two.
Now about your friend. I don’t think it was right for her to reveal these feelings to you after your wife and you had already been married. But these things are sometimes difficult to predict their timing. She (hopefully) comes with good intensions. Plus, you’ve probably known her for a great deal of time. Make the best decision. Who can you honestly say you can love and trust to be with for the rest of your life and remain faithful? Ask yourself. Because only you know the lust, love and honesty you hold for your loved ones. Good Luck. I hope I’ve helped. 8-)
2007-02-26 19:55:40 · answer #5 · answered by ~Soy Yo~ 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
i married my first husband after being with him for 2 years thought he was the greatest...as soon as we got married his job called for him to be gone for 2 weeks....i was only married 1 week before he was gone...it was 2 months later that he confessed of having an affair because the woman he was with threaten to tell me if he didn't.....anyways i tried for 4 years to forget and make my marriage work.....done everything you could think about and still it did not work...i divorced him because he remained unfaithful everytime he went out of town. i remarried and for the last 5 years they have been great. you can try and make it work but it will happen again or you can move on and get a divorce and start fresh with someone who is willing to be faithful at all times no matter what!
2007-02-26 19:29:43 · answer #6 · answered by Kickin' Back 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This may sound brash but I think you should have the marriage annulled. Her cheating will always weigh heavy on your mind and the love of your life is available and feels the same.
Your wife broke your trust by cheating while you were away. What's to prevent her from breaking your trust again?
Once a cheater.....
P.S. Welcome home and thank you for honoring our country....
2007-02-26 19:22:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you're a fool - unless you're ok with having an unfaithful wife. Why would you be with someone who you KNOW to be a deceitful person? You're asking for more of the same by staying with her, is all I can tell you.
2007-02-26 19:19:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
no ur not a fool follow ur heart wherever it is. god bless you in ur deployment too I'm a soldier leaving next year best of luck!!!!
2007-02-26 20:17:54 · answer #9 · answered by miami_love_305 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dump the wife (cheating h0). Get with your best friend.
2007-02-26 19:20:18 · answer #10 · answered by Joe B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋