she was cheating on me while I was working,she was with our little baby at home,and this guy came over my house.I do love her,but I do not know what to do,she said she is going to do the best so that we can be a family again,but I don't know if she will change or not,I don't know if she is not going to do it again,I don't know if someone can forgive something like that,sometimes I think that i just have to get divorce and let her go,but sometimes I think I should give her a chance,specially because we have a baby and I don't want her to suffer.This is the worst situation I ever faced,and I need some suggestions so I can go over it,she is 21 and I am 33,but everything was perfect,we didn't care about our ages.How can you believe on someone like her when she is saying,I am going to be the same person I used to be,it was a mistake,but as humans we all make mistakes,I love you and I am going to show it to you.I need serious advices,this is a very difficult situation.
2007-02-26 10:46:20 · 66 answers · asked by Henry C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry to say this but it is impossible to ever forget.
2007-03-06 00:23:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Young man I read the comments to your questions and maybe I'm too old for this forum but you have stated you have a 21 year old wife with a child.
A man came to your house and visited with your wife and an affair resulted in this. Now you cant trust her why? Could it be you should shoulder some of the blame. I know I wont get best of answer for being so strait forward and honest. Everyone that's ever been cheated on or cheated can tell you there had been something missing for along time. Rather you want to admit to this or not.
For men their wives once they've had a child some how become less attractive. For women after a child is born that man no longer the best provider or lover . There they let other means enter that marriage such as things that took the love or sex out of your marriage.
I for one wouldn't sit and wonder if she would be faithful to you ever again. Id wonder what happen to get this ball rolling to begin with. Maybe she and you need more. More from each other. Its no longer a trust issue its a love issue. Trust is the sun will shine tomorrow, Love is if the sun doesn't shine and its a cloudy day ILL love you no matter what.
Or you can do what alot of people do throw everything aside have one big pity party and blame the other party and get on with your life and carry this crap with you while you set your self up with another woman and the same issues arise. God Bless
2007-03-05 22:11:03 · answer #2 · answered by lovie12346 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice to you is take your time and think about what's best for you and your little baby. Obviously she was very selfish when she brought another man home to your home with your little baby there. You will only know if you want a divorce or not. No one in this forum can do that for you regardless of what we say. If you give her another chance you can't bring up the situation because that will just cause fights and it will eventually end some how. If you cannot live with the fact that she cheated on you than you have to do what you need to do to be happy. You cannot let the past linger around you it will destroy you and eventually destroy the relationship. She may change and she may not. Was she sorry that she cheated on you or was she sorry she was caught?? May be you need to keep a close watch and see her attitude towards you. Make sure you have a tight leash on her, she has to earn your trust again. I read somewhere that if she's willing to call you to let you know where she is at all times, what she is doing, and who she is with than she is willing to change. I hope you the best of luck because it's a hard situation when it involves a child. Good luck to you! If it still bothers you you both need to go to a marriage counsellor.
2007-03-05 14:37:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are like most men with a woman they cheat, lie , treat us like crap but for some reason we keep coming back. I cant sit here and tell you to get a divorce I don't know you or your wife .Maybe you have the strength to forgive her or maybe your child is more important .I do know that it will be hard for you to forget and trust her ever again .
The only answer that I can think of for guys in that situation is to hold off doing anything at all I guess what i am saying is to play the game with her but go by your rules and not hers .Now that you know your playing a game try to fined you a good woman just as she found a man .
When the time is right and you have everything working on your side take your kid and go . She started the game so play but play wisely
2007-02-26 11:22:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
That is a hard situation, me I have always left once that has happened cause you may be able to forgive her but you will never forget. It will drive you crazy. It is something that you will need to sit down and work on. Think about if I stay will I be able to start over with her as if this did not happen. If you do not let it go you will not make it cause you will always wondering if she is doing it while you are out making money to support the family or to affraid to leave her alone. Good luck to you if nothing else stay and work on things and if you realize that it will not work you can leave then. People do change it is up to what you can handle.
2007-03-06 08:13:00 · answer #5 · answered by xyz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem you face will be the growing doubt every time you leave your wife alone. Your wife is suppose to be your best friend and she showed you she is not. She also was suppose to talk to you about the problems with your relationship especially the sexual part but instead she cheated. Should you stay? Truthfully only you can answer that question so you have to go by what your heart tells you and also whats best for the child. If you decide to divorce then get custody of your child and if you want revenge go after this guy for Alienation of Affections your lawyer can milk him dry since he showed little respect for your marriage.
2007-02-26 11:33:58 · answer #6 · answered by miester44 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My personal tought of this matter are to stay with her until your child is 18. Your child will grow up with out either a mother or father there. I think that you both should get therphy. I am sure there is a deep feeling inside for a reason why she did this to you. Maybe her family did the same. Sometimes we chose a wrong path in life. If you throw her away you have the chance to go through it again but with someone else that is not your babies momma.
2007-03-06 10:19:21 · answer #7 · answered by wink_ster01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is a difficult situation. I am wondering how you found out??
I see you have many answers, so I will be brief and say that it is going to take a long time to trust her again. She will have to earn your trust as Dr. Phil says.
I hurt for you because I remember how I hurt when I was cheated on. I gave my husband another chance and he said I would never be sorry. That was 53 yrs. ago and I have never been sorry. I never threw it in his face and we worked together on our marriage. We are a remarkable couple today with 5 grown children and many christian friends. I thank God every day for the privilege to grow old with this man.~~~
Give her a chance. If she continues to cheat then you need to decide what to do. Don't stay together for the child. That would not be good. Good luck to all of you & God bless you~~~Jill
2007-03-06 09:49:26 · answer #8 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Learning to trust again after being cheated on is a very difficult thing to do. You said you still love your wife, so having said that, I would say you two should try to work it out. She has a lot of proving to do & if she really wants to be trusted again, & if you're willing, it will take a long time for her to earn that trust again. You have a baby together, so try to work it all out for her/his sake too. If it doesn't work out, then divorce may be your last resort. You may be able to get custody of your baby. I applaud you if you stay with your wife & try to work it all out. I do strongly suggest that you two go to a marriage counselor. It will help to find out why your wife cheated on you, etc. Forgiving is the easy part, forgeting isn't. Good luck!!!
2007-02-26 11:11:59 · answer #9 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this will be one of the hardest things u may ever have to go through. will she agree to go to therapy? sometimes a person just isn't as mature and with all the new responsibilities of the baby and being a wife, she cheats to escape it all. u are alot more mature Thann she is, anyway i would give her one chance only and make it clear in a nice way that if she does it again that to protect your heart that the marriage will be over with. just find out where her heart is at and if she loves this other guy. if she does u have to set her free, and accept it. if she loves u tha she has to re earn your trust and prove it by her actions. but give her the choice as if someone don't want us there is really nothing we can do.
2007-02-26 10:59:45 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First: I'm sorry, this is a real tragedy. You'll get a lot of people telling you to dump her, whatever.
Only you know what your situation is really like.
Look: are you guys having other issues? Sometimes, an affair is a symptom of a bigger problem. Is she willing to try professional counseling? Are you willing to go through it with her? You'll both have to probably make some changes and work things out...if you can, I can say that anything worth keeping is worth fighting for....that's not to say you won't forget..but you can forgive. It will take time...
That being said, is this a repeat thing? If it is, then you might have to explore other options.
People make stupid choices. Having a baby can be a real challenge, especially when making that adjustment. I know it is difficult. I am currently trying to work out a similar situation in my marriage. It is not easy, but I know our situation, and I know why things happened as they did.
My thoughts go out to you. Try not to be nasty, stay civil...gentle as you can. I would suggest counseling. It worked for me and my guy...we're still working out stuff. It's hard, but it's worth it if you love each other. Love is a funny thing, you know? Give it the benefit of the doubt...but be sure it doesn't happen again. Forgiveness and love is not the same thing as being a doormat.
Good luck to you and your family. It doesn't have to be the end of everything, but it can show what needs to be done to help the marriage.
2007-02-26 10:55:28 · answer #11 · answered by ~*Allypooh*~ 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋