It's dark,
The car's humming,
While I stare out the window
Watching everything go by,
The lights, The buildings,The Bridge,
It all seems like I was just here yesterday,
We've come about every year
but always forget where that one turn is to
lead us to the right street,
Always watching that one car shop as we go by,
once we get there and i step out of the car,
the fresh air of the cold night grasps me tightly,
the house, the tree, the nights, the steps, the cars, the noisies, the smell all rushes toward me ever so quickly,
My mind escaes to when we were young and nothing ever mattered, not your hair, or your make up,
everyone is just out to have a good time and set new memories,
on the smell of the cool summer nights
If anything should be changed or added it would be awomse if u jus tell ur opinion thnx
2007-02-26 10:29:04 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I liked it. It seemed sad but good. This is a personal poem, with shades of melancholy. I gathered that your life was passing by when you wrote "Watching everything go by."
On the line that starts, "My mind..." the next word should be escapes.
I think your writing shows depth and emotion. I really liked it.
2007-02-26 10:39:37 · answer #1 · answered by Juanitaville 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This I understood to be an out of physique journey which had an exceedingly helpful consequence. that's stable to discover entertainment out of the basic subject concerns in existence. appealing poem LC which moved with a functional pass. Have a chuffed Thanksgiving.
2016-10-02 01:13:52 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it...it's good. Change rushes to rush and noisies to noises and escaes to escapes
2007-02-26 10:35:24 · answer #3 · answered by Raven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's choppy, vague, and cliched. It also has a typo or two. Besides that it's alright I guess...lol. Poetry isn't an exact science--it's what you make it. If it works for you then that should be good enough. g/l
2007-02-26 10:43:05 · answer #4 · answered by reflection.eternal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a lovely poem! You should consider writing a book of poems and getting it published, I can tell you are very talented at this.
2007-02-26 10:33:12 · answer #5 · answered by ~ Lillie ~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure its pretty good made me think of simular situation in my life
2007-02-26 11:05:29 · answer #6 · answered by REESE H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's kinda good.you should add a little more detail in it.
see ya'
2007-02-26 10:34:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldnt change anything i think it is really good!..=)
2007-02-26 10:33:11 · answer #8 · answered by edtkkfif 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good have more
2007-02-26 10:38:12 · answer #9 · answered by amberharris20022000 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep it ROCKS MY SOCKS
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-26 11:26:26 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ Char-Latte ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋