example...when I was 8 months pregnant we got into a huge gight over him thinking I was cheating/leaving and so he grabs me by the thoat and proceeds to strangle (trying to kill me I think, why else would someone choke a person until they cant breathe) I had to tell (my best) him to let go or he was going to kill the baby, he did eventually and begged me to not call the cops, that he would get help, never did.
Fast froward to a year, I am onthe computer in the next room to the tv room and he comes n demanding to see what I was looking at caus ehe thought I was looking at personals (irrational behaviour ) When he was proven wirng he flipped out and grab me and proceeded to smash my head into the wall while choking me, when he stopped he said he was sorry and didnt know why he did that and begged me to stay and not call the cops, that he would get help...we went to a marriage councellor, who said we should not be together, he didnt like th eanswer and we never went back.
im 26/he 32.
2007-02-26 10:26:52 · 21 answers · asked by Bitsy B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I havent left yet cause i am stay home mom and he threatens to take my son away if
2007-02-26 10:27:22 · update #1
I havent left yet cause i am stay home mom and he threatens to take my son away if I leave on the basis I havent worked in 3years and have no money. I live in Alberta.
He makes over 70,000 and me...0.
You should read my other questions to know the situation more clearer.
PLEASE ANSWER THIS ONE.
I want male and female input cause Im at my wits end with this man.
2007-02-26 10:28:32 · update #2
What would you like your tombstone to read? You need to get it down on paper, so your son will know what you want on it....when this lunatict kills you, in a fit of rage one day. Can, or better yet, SHOULD this marriage survive? NO!
2007-02-26 10:34:13 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A relationship can survive with few instances of violence. It happens in intense situations.
In your case I would not stay. It happened twice so your hubby now has a taste for it. When a man pushes or slaps a woman it is quite different than literally choking a woman to the point of losing consciousness especially when she is pregnant. I implore you not stay because he has no control of his action when angry.
This is a bad sign. It is alarming that a person can loose control so badly that you could be dead before he comes to his senses. Do not put your life in jeopardy just because you feel you are trapped with no options. Also think of the well being of your child. As I read your story over and over I get the very distinct feeling he will do it again.
I have known to many men use their economic power over a woman to keep her in a domestic jail. Get your friends evolved and other men so he knows the world knows what he is capable. This will actually help protect you in the end.
Get help from friends and family and get out of that marriage now. Please never ever again be alone with this guy.
2007-02-26 10:47:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
okay-first, don't think it won't happen again-it will-i guarantee it.second- get out ! you're in a dangerous situation. third-you are making excuses by saying" it only happened a few times" do you hear yourself?
this is a control issue. period. you can not change him nor should you trust him. ever.
the counseler was right. you should not be together.
don't believe what your husband says about custody of your child. that is another control thing. he will do and say anything. he is brainwashing you. he can not get custody of your child. don't believe it. he is playing you. he's using fear to take control.
i can not stress enough how important it is that you get out NOW. don't wait thinking he could change. don't tell yourself that you'll leave if it happens again. leave now. take that baby and run.
i have a dear friend who is going through the same thing. 18 yrs worth of it. it never stops. even though she finally moved out he still calls and threatens to take their boys, fills their heads full of lies and disgusting things about their mom(my friend). those kids are such a mess from living with that, it's hard to tell if they'll ever be okay again. and don't kid yourself-maybe he doesn't do that now, but he will. it's all about control.
please leave that house. for the safety of yourself and your child. god bless.
edit- make it known to your friends and family what is happening. don't let it be a secret. there is nothing for you to be ashamed of . it is your husband who should be ashamed. domestic violence is very secretive for the most part. don't let it be for you.
edit- in answer to shannon - she is right about the fact that people don't see the man that you see. that is why you must not let it be a secret. true, leaving isn't easy. i've seen that first hand .but it can be done. shannons answer makes it sound as if you shouldn't leave b/c it is to difficult. i don't know that is what she means exactly. there is help available to you through social services though they can not pay your bills. this is no doubt a long road but not nearly as long as the road you are currently on.you need to believe that you can do this.
2007-02-26 11:10:01 · answer #3 · answered by racer 51 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honey, he will never change. It will get worse, and he may eventually kill you. Think about what lessons your son is going to learn seeing his daddy beat mommy. Is that what you want? What about your son's future wife, will your son beat her too? Domestic violence is a cycle. Break it, now for your sake and your son's. As for income. There are plenty of emergency services here in Alberta that will help you get out, and get a job. A stay at home parent develops many skills suitable to the work place. Organization, financial skills (depends if he lets you have any money) etc. You are also entitled to child support. Get a lawyer and help you and your son. You have no income, so here in Alberta you will qualify for legal aide. I have just ended a mentally abusive marriage with 2 kids in tow, so I do know the family court of Alberta a bit.
2007-02-26 10:42:37 · answer #4 · answered by passionatemilf 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie let me give you some inspiration I left my home in Louisiana close to 7 yrs ago with $35, 2 kids and one promise from God that he would make thing better! I got on the greyhound bus after going to a battered women shelter close to 11 times and all I did was looked on a map picked out a city and state with my eyes closed and my finger was on los angeles, Ca and I went for it.Everyone thought I had lost my mind not knowing I was trying to save my life. Sweetie he may change but it wont be with u because he was allowed to hit you once and got away with it. It is simple as that you dont have to take my word but if you stay my words will take you to a place I wish on none!!See i learned that none has the right to hit me no matter what I did the only choice they have is to walk away from me. Ive been threw so much but walking away was the best thing Ive ever did for me and my kids.
2007-02-26 10:54:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your story is so similar to mine. I read your question last night, and have thought and thought about it since. The answers on here are so naive. Most people simply dont get how hard it is to leave. Like you, my husband choked me while pregnant, and like your husband he cried and begged me to forgive and move on. The problem is, that was the old days. Now he doesnt even bother with the "crying and begging for me to forgive him" part. I can see you in another yr, with baby number two on the way, same situation but even more trapped. I can assure you, I dont have the answer. I got away from him recently, and am doing the raising of three children alone. It is no picnic. Friends and family only see the man that the hubby wants them to see...not the one that punches and chokes behind closed doors. So they dont understand my need for the seperation, thus are not as supportive as I need them to be. The sickening part is, minus that one detail of my life, my life was good. I was living my dream life. Now..;it is more of a nightmare. Two jobs to just barely make it...no social life for me at all. Amazing how the people on here can make it seem so black and white. Wish they could walk a mile in my shoes.
2007-02-27 03:31:22 · answer #6 · answered by shannon d 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You've got to be kidding me... What are you still doing with the guy? There is NO PLACE for abuse in a relationship - NONE. Means, it is not acceptable at all, NOT EVEN ONCE. If you keep accepting it, it will keep happening, and you might end up injured or, worse, dead. Leave now, do not wait. Take the kid, file the police report, and don't look back. Ask your friends for help, don't be shy; call abused women hotlines; join a support group. GET HELP, please. This is NOT the way to live, please don't waste your life like this.
2007-02-26 10:40:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
some situations can overcome it, this is not one of them.
IF you really want him out of your life........LEAVE! just because he is a man and the one with the money does NOT mean that you will lose your son. Canada has a system in place to help you until you can find a job.
2007-02-26 10:33:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out fast! This is also for your child's safety. The behaviour that he has is a deep seeded character flaw, and almost impossible to change.
Go to family, go to friends, go a safe house. Get out. I don't know how you can sleep with this guy. He would make me sick to my stomach!
You need to be in a healthy environment, not a toxic one, And remember, it's not just about you anymore, it's about your child too!
2007-02-26 10:36:53 · answer #9 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he's using your son to control you get your son and go to a shelter before he kill's you he may finish the job next time he grabs you by your throat my husband did me that way i had him put in jail abuse never stops please take your son and go now call the cops if he trys anything
2007-03-02 07:37:58 · answer #10 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋