He said " there is love within us but we are enemies!" I cannot comprehend that! You see, we argue on anything & everything. Even if we're in a group, we compete on whose joke is better. But we put up a nice facade which makes other couples envy us. But alone together, we debate, quarrel, fight! We hate each other so much but at the same time, we don't wanna lose each other! What are we, crazy?
2007-02-26 10:19:56 · 17 answers · asked by finding_answers 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds to me that while you do love each other...you don't value or respect each other. There is responsibility to Love...that responsibility involves care, attentiveness, listening, respectful communication, cherishing the uniqueness of the others heart, treasuring the care of the others heart . . . to be feeling as enemies, arguing (instead of communicating), competing, fighting etc. is not a healthy way for a heart to live in. I hear that both of you are enjoying the familiar company, yet are not feeling the warmth of each others soul and heart. You are carrying around a pretty container that is empty inside and making your selfs and others think that there is something very treasuing in that empty attractive container...Yet, there really IS something in that container...it's a love that is spoiling and getting moldy and does not look or smell very apealing after awhile...it can be hidden only so long...the musty smell will reveal what's inside.
Please excuse me for being so blunt...but, I ended my own 23 year marriage just as that you described...so I know what it is your living in. Your marriage is of course unique from what mine was...yet the simularities are there just the same.
You asked ' what's the real score ' ? I see that if you don't take that molding heart that's in that attractive container out and mulch as healthy fertilizer in some fresh soil (COUNSELING) so new healthier things can grow (authentic valuing Love)...If this is not done then you will soon be tossing that unpleasant musty heart out (DIVORCE). For me...I rather be alone by myself then be alone in a relationship.
Counseling is very important. Divorce, if it comes to that, is nausious to experience...yet so is being alone in a relationship. I'm sad my divorce happened...yet, today, four years later, I'm at peace and happy again.
COUNSELING . . .
My heart and thoughts are with you.
.
2007-02-26 10:23:09 · answer #1 · answered by onelight 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not at all. You're normal. The problem is when you have contempt for each other all the time. Then, that's a problem. My guess is that you don't hate each other as much as you like the "alive" feeling that fighting gives you.
If you truly don't want to fight, don't argue about objective things. For example - whose joke is better. You could fight all night over this. Instead, focus on the feelings so that the problem you're fighting over becomes an issue you confront together.
So if you're fighting over money, for example, the problem isn't that he wants one thing and you want another. The problem is that you need to find a budget that works for both of you. You work on that together and will certainly debate until you compromise.
If you still can't get along and it really bothers you, find a marriage counselor to talk with. They really can help a lot.
2007-02-26 10:25:44 · answer #2 · answered by Shrieking Panda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a fine line between love and hate. Alot of people who fall in love with someone are blinded by LOVE. That is all that they think that they should be shown and when the other person shows signs of being---HUMAN, they get pissed off and that is when problems start.
People have to realize that NO ONE is perfect. NO ONE shows ONLY one emotion. There are things about EVERYONE that are not good. Now, I am not saying that all people are evil, just that as HUMANS, we are wired to have both good qualities AND bad ones as well.
Some relationships thrive, despite the bad times. Some couples can argue and work out there problems, while another couple can argue and divorce lawyers are called.
Arguing for the sake of arguing is a little immature, and I really do not think that it is healthy for either of you, and to be honest, it is probably more than a little akward for those around you. You BOTH sound like you are insecure and jealous of the other. What a shame to be wasting all of that time and energy fighting and trying to one-up the other.
2007-02-26 10:30:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband and I used to be like that....we are still working on the competitiveness. I consulted a councelor who helped me realize that we are "passionate" people. Passsionate about each other and passionate about our beliefs--different as they may be--and passionate about our life together. We used to fight about EVERYTHING!!! Right down to how to make my coffee--he doesn't even drink it! We had to learn how to channel that passion positively. We are now more on the fun side of arguing...we had to stop and think about how important or trivial the thing we were fighting over was. After a little while you will feel more respect and admiration for each other and you won't want to fight for real. Good luck
2007-02-26 10:37:09 · answer #4 · answered by j05gemini 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your not crazy, maybe the two of you aren't ment to be, or better yet ya'll are, but you both need to get over yourselves!!! oher couples envy you beacuse they like what they see, and if you can make others believe one thing, then it has to already exist in some level. work on being a team rather than competing. that very thing ruiened a relationship i thought would last forever, we couldn't get over ourselves!!!! please don't let it happen to you, you'll regret it forever!!! good luck!!!
xoxo
2007-02-26 10:27:11 · answer #5 · answered by DSGG424 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no; i almost had the same question. i love my husband so much but we just cant make it together.we're separated and i miss him. but i cant keep going through all the problems that we have. i want to be happy but im miserable without him. so no you're not crazy im looking for the same answer.
2007-02-26 10:26:46 · answer #6 · answered by babyblues 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats normal every married couple argue's just don't let it esculate in a fight to a point you will wind up divorcing
2007-02-26 10:25:22 · answer #7 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you are too much alike. You don't compliment each other. Check your astrological signs, perhaps its not in the stars.
2007-02-26 10:26:34 · answer #8 · answered by Chloe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you are both crazy wait untill you get older and we will see how long you will last together then
2007-02-26 10:23:23 · answer #9 · answered by Denny O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stage one of a dead end road enjoy
2007-02-26 10:23:46 · answer #10 · answered by workin_man66 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋