Wife doesn't want sex?

Question

I have posted a couple of questions regarding this...many of the answers involve guys needing to "woo" their wife or be more romantic. Why should that be the guy's responsibility? Nobody seems to think I should be wooed into giving her a two hour massage but I do it anyway (and still no sex).

Answer 1

Have you tried to ask her why?

I think that the best bet is to ask her. I mean she has to know that it is a problem. And if she doesn't you have to let her know.

I understand you do not want to have to work for sex, you are married it should just be there. But unfortunately there are a lot of woman who do not like sex. Was she ever into it?

If she used to like it and she does not anymore then that is really common. It happens so often that woman are young and horny and then they have kids. Goodbye sex. The reason is that there is so much stress that comes along with children. Stress over work and cleaning the house and who is going to get the promotion and what do you need from the store and did I remember to sign that permission slip. When she gets into bed at night that is what she is thinking about. You have to help her get that stuff right out of her head - Then she will be more relaxed and ready to go. I also find booze works for me.

Answer 2

This is a great question! If you've done the best you can by "wooing" her and that hasn't worked, maybe she isn't the romantic type. This is a deep answer,but you never know; think of it like this: Men and women are wired differently. Seriously, we are. Not just on that but in a lot of different ways. I have female friends and including myself that honestly don't care that much about sex. If we have it, super, if not; ok fine. It's not something the man may be doing wrong, we just don't "need" it so much, or there might be other things going on, stress, job, family, money etc..that can turn anyone's sex drive off. Ask her and see what she says or how she feels about things. Try not to be confrontational; that never gets anyone anywhere. Good luck!!

Answer 3

Ok some answers here are down right wrong! Go with best Friend ''burn", and demands are just plan uncool.>=C I'm a married women here, and sure that may sound funny, and all but this is something serious. You gotta dig deep what is bothering her? There has got to be something.. Is she not feeling well, is it something that you are doing, is it something that you could be doing that she doesn't like, maybe she has a lot on her mind lately, and is stressed from work. Sometimes I am completely not in the mood and I have so many things running through my head and that seems to be when my hubby wants it the most; go figure, or when I sick in some way. Listen you just got to "listen" to her, tell her you want her full attention, and for her to tell you how she has been feeling lately, is there anything on her mind, is there anything you could do?

Hope this helps, just listen and be considerate..

Answer 4

First of all, "wooing" is BOTH partners responsibility. Men need to feel that they are special just as much as women.

That being said, I ask you this: Do you only "woo" her in the bedroom or do you "woo" her only when you think its going to lead to sex or do you "woo" her all the time? Women need to feel important and special and like we are the only woman our man ever thinks about. How you treat a woman outside of the bedroom will directly affect how she treats you inside the bedroom.

Two hours for a massage is therapuetic not romantic---that's not a bad thing---its just not what you are looking for. therapuetic means its relaxing and helping her body and mind. but you want romantic to lead to sex.

I am a firm believer that men should also be treated special outside the bedroom, too. I don't have to make my husand's lunch or take his car to the store and gas it up--he can do it himself----but by my doing it, he says it shows that I love him. We do things together, too---shovelling the porches, walking the dog, groceries. We laugh a lot together and reminisce about how we met and what we liked about each other.

It goes a long way toward keeping us both interested in each other and committed to our marriage.....which is a turn on in itself.....try it and reap the benefits!

Answer 5

It's not you sweetie its her but its not on purpose.Unless she doesnt love you that is but if you know she does then its an issue within her that she doesnt even know cause its buried real deep inside. A woman tends to be able to file emotions that were real hurtful in places of her soul that it wont stop her from going on. But instead of talking about it she keeps it hid so well that eventually she cant even find it. But the problem is wherever it is it blocks any and ever thing that has a similar feeling to her past hurt. Another words if she was molested then when she is older and falls in love the touch from her partner will trigger trhat pain and her eyes may see you but her soul feels that person that molested her. So I have something that you can do with her that i promise it will allow youy and her to get to the root. Tell her you read something on FAMILY LIFE that requires a test. Start with answering on heo you feel about certain words such as " WHEN U THINK OF THE WORD LOVE WHAT FEELING COME TO MIND !! GIVE HER REAL SIMPLE ONES AT FIRST BUT EVENTUALLY WORK TOWARDS THE DEEP ONES. LIKE WHEN YOU THINK OF SOMEONE SEXUALLY HARMING YOUR KIDS. AND WHATEVER ONE IS TO PAINFUL TO ANSWER OR SHE AVOIDS IT SOMEWHERE THERE'S A PROBLEM!! YOU can e-mail me and i'll give you more details to explore this ok.

Answer 6

Maybe, after a long day, covered in godknowswhat (if you have kids) and cooking, cleaning, working, trying to be the perfect wife, wondering if you still find her attractive, dealing with stupid people all day long, picking kids up from daycare (if yuo have kids) and trying to get them baths, fed, and in bed, the last thing she wants is to have sex. Maybe try doing some of the things she does instead of sitting on the couch watching her? Maybe then she'd feel like sex. Or maybe she's just depressed, and tired all the time...

Answer 7

I dunno, maybe some women do need to be "wooed". Although, I tend to feel that either you have a drive, or you don't. And if you don't, no amount of "wooing" will do the trick. Whoever invents the way to make a woman with no sex drive want sex will be a billionaire. Some women just don't care about sex this much, and are not that motivated to have it.

Answer 8

You sound resentful of the fact that your wife needs love from you in order for her to feel like having sex with you. For most women, having sex is also making love. Maybe she doesn't feel LOVED by you, even when you are giving her a massage.

GEEZ! There is no way my boyfriend can even put his hands on me for five minutes without me trying to jerk off both our clothes. You have to be doing, looking or saying something wrong! Or...maybe she needs to take some libido pills every day. They health food stores have herbal remedies you can buy for her that might help and they're all natural. Maybe she needs to go to the doc and get her hormones checked. If her sex hormone levels are too low that could be the problem

Answer 9

thats not it at all... forget the oil ( ok don't) but having a fun day together really makes for great sex. laugh a lot. Bringing more fun to the relationship inspires more in the bedroom. just do more things together.. go for walks, hold her hand, play with her feet , the more you two have fun outside of the bedroom, the more you'll have fun in it

Answer 10

Wow,,, I am in the same boat,, but reversed,,, my husband of 9yrs wont give it to me,,, and it does not get better,,, because it has been like this a year after we married,,, I had to presue him all the time,,, and now I am so mad that I dont even care if I ever get it,, thats not true I still beg for it,,,but still dont get it,,, he will masturbate in the shower before giving it to me,, and he says I am hot and attractive etc etc etc,, but still nothing,,, I hate my life,,, I really do because he is so good to me other wise,,, except in that aspect. Dont know what to do ,,, very hard to handle,,, because I really want sex,, have even though of cheating but get scared,,, would not want to hurt him like that,,, if I were to get caught,,, and I am sure I would he seems to finds out everything I do,,, lol