I Don't Want To Marry & Have Kids...? PLEASE READ?

Question

most people that i know all look forward to settling down & getting married and having kids (if they don't already). but it feels like i'm the only one i've ever known who doesn't. i don't want to have kids because from what i've seen, all they do is give you grief and i wouldn't want to raise children in this sick world that we live in anyway. there's too many things & people that could be such a danger to them. i don't want to get married for the simple fact that i've never seen anyone who was married who was satisfied with their husband or wife, my parents included. they've been married for over 20 years and have the most disfunctional relationship i've ever seen, they're like roommates, who only stayed together for the kids. they haven't slept in the same bed in almost 5 years. because of what i've seen (& haven't seen) & experienced growing up, i never want to have kids or marry. i'd be perfectly fine becoming the old cat lady down the street. is it normal to feel this way?

by the way, i'm in a pretty good relationship now, but i just wouldnt want get married or have kids with the guy

Answer 1

It's totally normal and don't let anyone tell you that you have to get married by a certain age or even have kids. I feel the same way as you do...I'm totally ok with having a committed relationship but when it comes to talking about marriage and kids I just don't want to hear it. Ok but don’t be an old lady with cats, have fun being single. Think Samantha from Sex & the City not frigid old hag. Don't change, as far as I'm concerned your views are awesome and there should be more people like us who are doing the world a favor by not bringing in kids were not ready for and being married for the sake of getting divorce. Good luck with everything.

Answer 2

I definitely will see your point on the second reason you don't want kids because of this sick world! I have a child but before her I felt the same way..I didn't want kids because this world is so f'd up but once I saw her there was nothing that I ever or could ever experience greater. Now, I'm not trying to tell you to go have a kid and you'll see but I'm telling you what every other parent will tell you. NO ONE I mean NO ONE that doesn't have a child will ever know the feeling. Even if someone who loves children and wants to start a daycare they'll still be in a shock of their lifetime when they actually give birth to a child of their own. As I started to read this my first thoughts were you had a messed up childhood...which I soon read was right. I am engaged but I don't plan on setting a date for a very very very very long time because I want to stay with the father of my child for as long as I can in case our relationship does take a turn for the worse...then I don't have to worry about divorce. My parents divorced when I was two and it's been a miserable battle of arguements between them with me being in the middle. My mother was always the mature one but my dad would call me asking me why my mother was such a *****...is that something a child wants to hear...NO! I would step back and take a look at your life and start thinking of what you really want. If you want a relationship then YOU can make it work without following your parents footsteps. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Some people feel exactly as you do but i think you're a product of a disfunctional family. You have only experienced what you say with your own family as you grew up and now you consider that to be the normal. Though it is so in many cases it doesn't have to be that way and I know lots of married couples who are deleriously happy. As for kids, they are a mixed blessing. They can make you so very happy or they can drive you insane. You can choose not to have kids but you will miss out on the happiness they can bring.

Answer 4

Yes, it is very normal not to want to marry or to get married and not want to have kids. It's not normal to say NEVER because that is closing a door forever. Better to use the words "as of now" because you never know you may actually fall in love some day and want to marry, after that you may want to have kids.

My daughter married and does not want to have kids --- well, that's normal as she feels about kids the way you do / and she and her husband made the decision not to have kids --- before --- they were married. No problem. Perhaps it would be a good idea to 'just keep your heart open' so you are free to go either way as you enter different situations.

As for now --- I think you're normal. Take care and God bless.

Answer 5

perhaps that is the way you feel right now because you have not metthe right guy that would make you want to settle down and have kids

perhaps that is the way you will always feel no matter what guy you are with

there is no right or wrong way of feeling about things, it is simply a personal choice

whichever path you choose in life, there will be good and bad parts, you will have things that will be available to you and things that will be closed off to you

you will have things that you will miss out on and you will experience things that others will miss out on, it is up to you to choose the right path for you, but also keep in mind that the person you are with may want different things then you, and you should forwarn them of such things in your life before wasting their time

Answer 6

So sorry to hear how you feel it's a shame i feel lucky been married 15 years and honestly still love him to bits he is my be all and end all we have 2 great daughters strong family unit play board games together go swimming walks etc, girls are getting older though now and sometimes just want to chill with their mates which we understand and respect give them their own space, as long as they are safe. Although yes my sister is divorced,my friend and younger sister are in unhappy relationships and my older brother is awful to his wife. Not everyone is like this though we are living proof never say never but wait and see if you meet someone wonderful if you do you got to learn and love together might sound corny but works for us nobody's relationship is perfect that would be a lie everyone has it's ups and downs but some day maybe you will see all worth it.
If however you choose not to do any of it that's your choice to but how will you ever no what could have been without first trying wish you all the best love :)

Answer 7

If you do not want to get Married and then have kids, it is up to you to decide that. I have been Married, to my Husband for almost 49 yrs, coming in June, but we still sleep together in the same bed and we still make Love, because we Love each other a lot. we have seven kids, 14 grandchildren, minus one that was murdered three yrs. back and we are still hurting about it, but you have to realize that life goes on and we need to accept whatever God has in store for us. If you had a bad experience in your life, do not blame life for what you are going through,because life is what you make of it, and who are we to criticize? I love the life God has bestowed upon us and if I made mistakes through my lifetime then it was all my own fault.

Answer 8

I personally see nothing wrong with you wanting to stay single. You have your reasons (even tho you shouldn't feel like you need the reasons you do. I am sorry you have seen so much hurt in your life. Is there a medical reason why your parents sleeep in separate bedrooms? Maybe restless leg syndrome, snoring, etc? I wish you the best. Take care.

Answer 9

Normal? Sure. A lot feel that way.

I don't know how old you are. If you are 20-25 I wouldn't worry about it - you're attitude will probably change.

The best thing is to observe and learn from the mistakes of others.

Answer 10

It is normal for you to feel that way given your childhood experiences. But know that not everyone has an unhappy marriage and not all children give their parents nothing but grief. Some marriages are very happy and most children bring their parents happiness. You should probably get some counseling though, to work out these issues in your head and your heart. You might change your mind about marriage and children later on in life. You might not.