Just found out I'm pregnant. Am I screwed?

Question

Last week, I found out I'm pregnant. I'm 24. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and even though we have a "stable" relationship, I didn't want to think about kids or anything like that. However, and without getting into details, I've already had abortions before, and I don't want to go through that again, so I figure I have to keep this child. I estimate that I'm probably about 4 to 5 weeks pregnant. So the question doesn't have to do with the baby itself, since I'm gonna keep it, but more with my fear of what's in store for the future. For example, I was planning on starting law school this year, but now I'm going to have to postpone that. Plus, I'm not even that sure I'm happy with my boyfriend. I've been thinking about leaving him for months now, but we live together and it's pretty hard to break up under those circumstances. And now I'm pregnant. Any ideas? I'm really depressed, and that can't be good for the baby...

I knew a lot of people would get riled up over the "abortion" comment. Try not to make this a political issue. I honestly do not care who approves or disapproves of a woman exercising her free will and her right to choose. I would appreciate, however, if people who have had any similar experiences or who have any intelligent feedback to offer could give me a few pointers, since I am very confused and scared. Obviously, Yahoo Answers isn't the best forum to discuss issues like these, but I was hoping to find some SENSITVE, NON-JUDGMENTAL PEOPLE. I'll leave you on that note... And by the way, for those who so "creatively" came up with clever answers like "That's how you got pregnant in the first place" to the question "Am I screwed?", I've only got 2 words: Grow up.

Answer 1

Hey Girl! Chin up!! Don't be so depressed about it. So you got yourself in a situation. I am keeping an open mind about this so please don't get me wrong. It's difficult for me to agree with abortion only because I was pregnant and miscarried this weekend. So I wouldn't suggest that you have one. However, your current relationship is not what it should be. You dhould be completely happy in your relationship with your partner. What it sounds like is that you love him, but are not IN LOVE with him. And that to me makes a difference. You sound like you are a young lady with a good head on your shoulders and you believe that education is important. It is, especially id you want to make it in this world today.

In any case, it kind of sounds to me that you are scared of change and that's why it's difficult for you to leave your boyfriend. Change is scary, but sometimes works out for the best. Don't be scared of change, work harder to make your life better.Unlike others who left an answer for you that just seemed kind of rude and insensitive, I am going to give you my opinion on what I would do in this situation. Being a single parent is very difficult. If you really wish to keep the baby, keep this in mind. Unless you have a good support system (babysitters), then maybe it will make it easy to have this baby. On the other hand if you don't then you have to think of finding a babysitter, and having your employers work around a schedule that's good for you. People think that adoption is so easy and they just say "give the baby up for adoption", but it's easier said then done. I've never had to give my child up for adoption and I would never think about doing that because there's going to be some point in that child's life that he or she will wonder about the natural mother and wonder why. Why did my mom give me up? Did my mom not love me? All these questions that are unanswered. I know once you have a baby and you see it, and think wow, this little life was in me, and then have to give it up. It won't be easy. People can say have the baby and give it up, but I think that would be difficult on your part too.

About your schooling, I don't think that you should post pone your schooling, only because there is a 50 % chance that you will actually end up going once the baby is born. Law school is going to have a lot of work, reading, research, etc. so really think about it. I am not suggesting any of these options, but you do with what you feel is right for you. Although others may not support your decision, it's not their life, it's yours.It's always easy for people to say they would do this or they would do that, and until they are in that situation they should never judge. NEVER. Don't let people on here influence your decision. You decide what's best for you. Get yourself situated, do what is going to benefit you in the end. NEVER worry about what others will think of you. You know that you are a good person and I'm sure you didn't ask to be put in this situation, no one ever is, but what's done is done. Deal with it the best way you know how. If that means to have an abortion to advance your life so that when you are ready with the right person, then so be it. If it means going through with the pregnancy and giving it up for adoption, then do that. It's not an easy decision to make, but it has to be made soon. Don't let others influence you and tell you that you're screwed up for getting pregnant. Everyone makes mistakes sweetie, nobody is perfect, Just be a little more careful the next time around and find a birth control method that works with your body. So chin up and don't be depressed. You have a whole life ahead of you no matter what your decision is. Good luck in Law School. I know you'll do great. Take care of yourself Sweetie.

Answer 2

There are several things you would need to do.

Notify the father. Eventhought things have been not good between you and him, he has a right to know. Its his own flesh and blood and this is a situation which will show if he will stay or go.

Ask around for charitable organizations which help mothers who are pregnant and in need. They exist, its just that they are not annouced as much as anything else.

What to do, now you have 2 options available.

-keeping the baby. Lots of hard work, putting your dreams aside and a start to raising a family

or

-Adoption, which is a more decent and human way compared to abortion.


The main thing, thought, is to let the father know. Its not only his right, but also his responsibility. If he chooses to be a Dad, than this makes your life alittle less complicating. If not and you two break up, get him to pay child support. Its the very least he can do if he doesn't want to be in your childs life.


you take care


cheers

Answer 3

Many young people find all these feelings out after they have married. You, in a way, are luckier than most. You have an option to work with, you can stay and see what your feelings for the father of the baby will be after the birth, many men change for the better when they become daddy's, or you can leave now before the child is born, move back home or in an income based unit and have the baby and raise him/her on your own and do some home college courses while your waiting on your child to be born. Or you can plan on giving the child to a warm loving home under adoption, continuing your education from home and resuming classes after the birth. If more people would think of the life of the unborn child and your relationship with the biological parent involved maybe fewer divorces would occur

Answer 4

So you're one of those women who's had abortions in the past because you couldn't practice safe sex, and now you're pregnant with a child from a man that you're not even sure you want to be with after 2 years? And you're depressed because being a mother might cramp your style? Un-friggin-believable. On the bright side I guess you deserve some credit for not murdering this baby like you did the others, so hopefully the choices you make from here on out won't just be about what YOU want. My suggestion is to have a nice long chat with your boyfriend about marriage and family life. And to start thinking about the baby growing inside of you instead of the baby you've been until now.

Answer 5

You could think of adoption...it may be best for the baby in your situation. If you feel you HAVE to keep the baby b/c you don't want to go through abortion again. You could give this baby to a loving couple who can't have a child of their own, who could afford it, who would love and care for it like thier own. And you could break up with your bf if you feel you need to, get your life on track, make better decisions involving sex next time, and go to law school and prepare yourself for when you do WANT a child. Because you obviously don't want one you just feel the need to have to take care of it because you won't abort another one. Your child won't hate you for it down the road. I was adopted. Found my birthmom a couple years back and we have a good relationship.
Take the first few months of your pregnancy to really think about the future and how you will feel if you raise this child yourself with or without your bf. If you still feel the same way you do now and don't feel anyway connected to that child growing in you I seriously would consider adoption. It will be the best thing for both of you.

Answer 6

You say your in a "stable" relationship but yet your not happy and have been thinking about leaving....Something is wrong with this picture.

You do not have to have another abortion, you can always give the baby up for adoption.

As for what your in store for..lol...Holy Cow!!! The list is large...law school? Maybe part time if that but maybe once the child is older and in school themselves...

You have allot to think about, just make sure you do what you feel is right for everyone all around.

Answer 7

No, it's not healthy to get yourself worked up, so relax. You'll be fine. If you're not happy, leave him. I know how hard it is to break up with someone you live with, but if you're that unhappy you 2 will start arguing and so on, and that's not healthy for your pregnancy either. You say that you have to keep this child. There's plenty of people out there who are eager for children, even if they're not their own. I know, me and my girlfriend would love to have another child. If you really feel that you're not ready for it give adoption a thought, but don't be impulsive about it. Make sure you do what's in the best interest of that baby. Do you have family members who will help you if you do leave your bf? There's alot of government help out there for you, as well. I'm not suggesting that you live off the government, but do what you need to to make sure that the 2 of you are taken care of.

Answer 8

You found out you're carrying the child of a man that for months you've been thinking of leaving because you aren't happy with him... Yes you're screwed, it's hard to get anymore screwed than that.

Since you aren't willing to have an abortion then thank you for bringing yet another child into the world that will have a really screwed up life because his Mother couldn't manage to have sex with a man that she actually loved and was committed to living her life with.

Answer 9

You are not screwed! You have made the mistake many of us have. It is not the end of the world. Since you have decided to keep the baby your next step is to get comfortable with your discussion. next except your baby as a blessing and not something to screw your life, and then you must plan a date in your future to go to law school. I know people that went to law school in their 40ties. So take care of your baby knowing that you can still full fill your dream of law school.

Answer 10

Note: Getting screwed is how you got pregnant, not what you are now.

I'm not even going to touch the abortion comment, but I will say pregnant women can go to law school just as well as non-pregnant women. Consider giving the baby up for adoption. If it will be the best situation for your child that's all that matters.