when we now pick who we want a marry but divorce rates are higher than ever and usually end up cheating on our mate whom we picked to marry and spend or life with..
2007-02-26 08:39:53 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What I am trying to ask is why are most arranged marriages more successful in the end than most "love" marriages?
2007-02-26 08:42:57 · update #1
Well, I think people nowadays are living in la la land when it comes to relationships.
Men and women look for years for that perfect someone, during the process, they reject plenty of fine people...,and why,...because of stupid little things.
For instance, so and so eats too much, or, so and so likes too much sex or not enough,... etc. I mean people are so brainwahed by the media and the ideal mate that YOU, get to pick, then love, and finally "live happily ever after with".
Thats when reality starts kicking in, oops I made a mistake...my spouse isn't perfect...! So the media steps in again to remind you how you could, and even should, just get rid of so and so and pick a better candidate.
The sad truth is, people aren't ever going to find that perfect person, because it just doesn't exist! Eventually, as a person matures he/ she realizes this, and thats what everyone calls, "settling".
We are living in a world where we are sooo influenced by television (whether we realize it or not.)
Subsequently, expecting way too much of our spouses, and not just
ACCEPTING THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE.
Thats the reason why couples in those days, were many times, able to learn to love one another, because they accepted their partner at face value, and also knew that "throwing him/her away " wasn't normally an easy option like it is today.... So they actually also worked on accepting one another, when issues did come up, eventually bringing them very close, and creating a deep love for eachother.
As "openminded" we like to believe we are in this day and age, with the media literally hypnotizing us 24/7, to ideals concerning relationships, that don't even exist,.... we are actually as narrow-minded as ever....
2007-02-26 09:50:09 · answer #1 · answered by 123me 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What statistics do you have to support that arranged marriages work? Have you considered the consequences (in some cultures) of the woman if she's unhappy in an arranged marriage? I can be a life or death situation.
The problem that I see with today's marriages is that the people marrying have individual issues that they need to resolve before marrying someone. People marry for the wrong reasons or think their lives will be different once they're married. Maybe arranged marriages work because the parties have no say in the matter and the relationship is based on obligation and fear.
2007-02-26 08:48:18 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Good question but I don't necessarily agree. Where there are still arranged marriages, there are high rates of domestic abuse (a lot of which goes unreported since the women tend to be viewed more as property than an equal partner). Today, divorce is acceptable (whereas it used to be a stigma) so either way (arranged or not) there is still going to be a higher divorce rate. Back in the day you would be a social pariah if you were a divorcee causing many ppl to stay in horrible, unhappy marriages.
2007-02-26 08:48:13 · answer #3 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Back then you didn't have the option of divorce. You either got along or you killed each other. (and don't think that it didn't happen!) Also, you could live apart if things were very unbearable, but having the luxury to do that was not common. I don't think the old marriages ended in love, but I do think they ended in a mutual affection and respect. In some people's books that is love....
2007-02-26 08:47:16 · answer #4 · answered by Poppet 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Even as early back as the 40s and 50s divorce was looked upon very badly by society. When your talking about 100s of years, divorce wasn't even an option. Society has excepted divorce as "ok" thus people are getting divorces more. You can't compare this as you are talking about two different times and believes.
2007-02-26 08:53:36 · answer #5 · answered by mac_attack_51 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
good question, coming from America of course I believe in free choosing but we chose with the heart, with feelings. I wouldn't even buy a car out of feelings but out of logic, and then preference. we choose out of physical attraction and other temporary reasons. The people i've know even today, [not meaning from Saudi Arabia where 11 y.o. girls are forced to wed 60 y.o. men] but normal young adults who married out of arrangement got together because it was the best decision from older, mature, sensible relatives, who were looking at the long time, because marraige is meant to be 'forever'. The girl i know was not forced to accept him, and they are like 2 love birds, even holding hands as they walk together. Both couples i know really seemed well adjusted and they honored their unions more than most Americans do, they took into consideration morals, family stabilty, religion and standards. As for me, it wasn't arrainged I met him by accident 23 yrs. ago- but it had to be a true Christian.
2007-02-26 08:56:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, arranged marriages ARE NOT more succesful; that is a myth. You are talking abuot people who are brought up culturally to accept their lot in life without complaining; that doesn't mean they are happy, or know any better. Second, men in arranged marriages are notorious for keeping mistresses.
2007-02-26 08:49:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Maybe because the parents are looking at the practical side of marriage (what you have in common, upbringing, values, etc) whereas getting married based on love, isn't always clearly thought out.
2007-02-26 08:47:11 · answer #8 · answered by Jill R 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i assume prepared marriages are romantic! seems are no longer the best deal. Who says what's real or incorrect? absolutely everyone has diverse traditions even however they do no longer seem as significant as this one. no you are able to truly desire to judge for that - although in this international...it is like asking for international peace.
2016-10-02 01:04:35 · answer #9 · answered by mechem 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good question..
I wonder the same...you are right..it seems to work better...may be cause they start from disappointement and they slowly end falling in love...but in the other case they start with love and they end in disappointement..
2007-02-26 08:48:07 · answer #10 · answered by Wandy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋