My ex-husband was given custody of my 14 year old daughter when she was just 15 months old. I have spent many years fighting him in court, but I ran out of money and nobody wanted to help me. I have been writing to her and calling her for years. She has never written me back and when I talk to her on the phone she always says she is busy. Now she is 14 years old and I received a letter from her in December 2006, saying that she does not want me in her life. I am complying with her wishes and now I want to surrender my parental rights. How do I do that?
2007-02-26 08:31:49 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Her father is probably putting things in her head and the majority of your letters are not reaching her. This happened to me growing up. I grew up thinking my dad didn't want me and by the time I was 12-14 years old I hadn't heard from him so I said I didn't care any more, forget him. My mom had been intercepting the letters and destroying them and told me that he didn't fight for custody of me and had remarried and had a new family. I took this as the truth because she is my mother, why shouldn't I...? She said as long as I was under her roof, we wouldn't talk about him and if I wanted to contact him or get to know him I could when I turned 18. Then when I was 16 she comes to me crying and said that my dad had passed away suddenly in his sleep. I demanded to go to his funeral. When we got there, I was expecting everyone to treat us poorly because I felt like an outcast. But I didn't care, I felt I needed to at least go to his funeral. I was shocked to find a loving and caring family that embraced me with open arms. I had this wonderful family all along and never knew it. I met my dad's wife and she was really great, not the monster I was told. She told me all about my dad and how he sent me letters and birthday cards every year. How he talked about me all the time and couldn't wait to get back in touch with me eventually. I also found out that he would call my grandmother (my mom's mother) and ask her how I was and my grandmother would send him school pictures of me. My mom wasn't aware that she was doing this. My mom has since said she was very sorry for being selfish. I forgive her but she really ruined a part of my life that I could have known my "other" family and dad. I still have so many questions and think about it a lot. Don't give up on her, she will come around and want to get to know you better. As soon as you stop trying, she really will give in to the lies her father is putting into her, that's what I did. Good luck and don't give up, you've done it this long!
2007-02-26 09:05:10 · answer #1 · answered by mac_attack_51 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are going to regret doing that. Your daughter has been caught in the middle between you guys. Think back to when you were 14. Did you know what was best for you in your life? No. She is obviously saying this out of pain. No telling what the ex hubby and his spouse have told her all these years. Don't give up your parental rights. Just let it be. Write her a heartfelt letter saying that you are sorry that she feels that way because you wish she was in your life. Even if there is a nasty reply, be an adult and always treat her with love and kindness, regardless of what she does. She is a child. Don't make the mistake of letting her make the decision to cut you out of her life. She will regret it when she is older and so will you.
2007-02-26 08:40:58 · answer #2 · answered by cakekweeny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't surrender your parental rights. Send her one last letter, registered mail, signature required, return receipt, stating that you will always love her, that you will honor her wish to be left alone, but that if she ever changes her mind you will be there. The fact that you spent all those years fighting to see her says that you do love her. She may change her mind when she is older and wiser and might want to get to know her mother. That's my advice. Surrendering your parental rights will just send her the wrong message: That you do not care. Right now she is an angry, hormonal teenager and probably mad at the world! Don't give in to her tantrum! Make sure you send that registered with signature required and return receipt so you can MAKE SURE YOUR DAUGHTER GET'S TO READ IT. If I were you I'd send two or three copies and send one to another member of her father's family just to make sure someone gives her the letter.
2007-02-26 08:38:13 · answer #3 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have two girls that are now 21 and 24. at 14 they are angry at the world.. give it time.. she'll be 18 before you know it, then you can have a talk with her about the reality of the situation.... don't stop trying.. this will only come back to kick you in the @ss later on..and believe me she'll say " but you gave up on me" no matter what she says now.... keep trying... good luck
2007-02-26 08:56:28 · answer #4 · answered by Hi its me again 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There must have been a lot going on at the time you divorced for you to have lost custody of your daughter.
I would never recommend severing parental rights though. You are her mother. Leave the door open to her and she may come around sometime.
2007-02-26 08:41:10 · answer #5 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This types of items vary from state to state. The best place to get an answer is from an attorney where you reside. If you cannot afford an attorney, there are legal aid programs you could look into. I do not believe the legal scholars on Yahoo can effectively or accurately answer your question.
2007-02-26 08:41:14 · answer #6 · answered by Big E 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already lost custody, are you wanting to surrender your parental rights thinking you won't have to pay child support? That's not going to work.
2007-02-26 08:38:47 · answer #7 · answered by fisherwoman 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
why would you do that????
she is only 14. do you really think she knows what she wants? can i ask why you can't get custody?
2007-02-26 08:35:42 · answer #8 · answered by wickedladyredd 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She has probably been brainwashed by her father and his family. Please do not give up your rights as a mother! YOu would only be reinforcing what they say. Eventually she'll come around and figure things out on her own.
2007-02-26 08:37:35 · answer #9 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
StrawberryShortcake said it all -- please re-read her answer! If you don't pick a best answer, she'll get my vote.
I only wanted to add -- your question is one of the saddest I have ever read here.
2007-02-26 08:47:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋