Needy friend problem...?

Question

I have this friend who calls alot, and I mean alot. One weekend, she phoned 7 times, and I was on the phone on saturday for 8 hours. I told this friend not to phone so much because other people have been trying to phone, but then she gets offended and thinks I'm mad at her and is making things complicated. What do I do to get this person to understand, without them getting offended and make verything be all good?

Answer 1

Doesn't sound like there is anything you can do to make this relationship a good one. When you tell her to stop calling so much because other people have been trying to phone that only makes her feel like she isn't important. You need to explain to her that you wish to talk with others and encourage her to call someone else too. Don't tap dance around the issue with excuses. Be blunt.

This is not the first time this person has done this to someone and eventually pushed them away. I'm sure she's told you about all the people who have wronged her and that she hopes you don't do the same. They feed on others kindness until they drain them of it. She has some mental illness that makes her behave this way and you aren't qualified to deal with that. She's possessive and clinging and makes you feel guilty when you need your space. She could be in the early stages of schizophrenia.

You can explain to her what you are willing to accept in a relationship with her. Be it one phone call a day for X amount of time or whatever. You need to speak up for yourself and your needs otherwise this person and many others will walk on you. You may already have "sucker" on your forehead which is what attracted her in the first place. Being nice and considerate doesn't mean you have to be taken advantage of.

If she can't appreciate your honesty and have a relationship with you on your terms then it's not a friendship. It's something dysfunctional and unhealthy. She needs to gain control of her problems and you need to distance yourself from them as well. You're not helping her, you are enabling her.

Answer 2

You need to give her some firm boundaries. She is being selfish by manipulating all of your time, but no one can manipulate you unless you let them. So don't allow it. Tell her you will accept her calls, say 2 or 3 times a day maximum. Once she has exceeded the limit, either don't answer her calls if you have call display, or if you must pick up the phone and it's her, the first time, say, "I'm sorry, as I told you I don't have anymore time to talk to you today. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodbye." Then hang up. If she persists, say nothing but hang up immediately. This will be the only way for her to understand that you're serious. If you keep taking her calls she's going to keep calling. If she decides to end the friendship over this, then I'd say you're well rid of her.

Answer 3

Say something like: "You know, we just talked half an hour ago. I like to chat with you, but right now I'm in the middle of writing some e-mails. How about we talk tomorrow?"

The very needy are often easily offended, as you know. But it MIGHT work.

Answer 4

hummm, Well sounds like you have no choice but to offend her since she already has gotten offended by you telling her not to call so much. All I know is to not answer and if she keeps calling block her. I know you don't want to be mean but what else can you do.

Answer 5

Tell her that she should only call maybe 3 times. If she gets mad, well, she is not a good friend. One friend mad cause she cant call 10 times, or 10 friends mad cause they cant call once? Tell her to call less and if she gets mad, let her get over it on her time, not yours

Answer 6

I wouldn't worry about offending her but I would be honest and point out what exactly is wrong with the situation. She's not going to realize anything's wrong unless you tell her what's bothering you.

Answer 7

tell her to chill and to realize that you guys are not together. If you were it's still to much but at least it's explainable.