So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 5 months. I know it doesnt seem long BUT things progressed very quickly for both of us. We both jumped in with two feet and head first. We moved in together (he was my neighbour for 2 years before we started dating), talked about marriage and having children together and growing old with my parents living next door.
The 1st three months of the relationship were out of this world. Honestly nothing else in the world mattered except for him. Completely infatuated. One morning I woke up and found that "I didnt love him anymore" this happened along with some depression and some chemical imbalances in my head so my family doctor put me on some anti-anxiety meds. They have done their part but there is still this thought in the back of my head that always asks me "Do you really love him?"
He is everything I have ever wanted genuine, trustworthy (something I have never had before), passionate, romantic, sexy, intelligent etc etc...6 months before I met him I got out of a horrible relationship with a cop that ended up losing his job for abusing me. We dated for a year and when times were good times were OUT OF THIS WORLD! and I think thats why it was hard for me to get over him cause our entire relationship was based on drama. So that being said going from a dramatic relationship to a healthy one 6 months later is quite tough but all in all I think this is the place for me to stay.
Here is where the problem lies. I dont trust myself in this relationship. I feel as though I have to stay out of sight of my ex in order not to cave in to his lies. All in all I feel as though he has some sort of control over me. I feel as though if he were to ask for me back it would be difficult to say no. Although, I want to be with my current boyfriend forever. Are there any suggestions as to how to deal with this?
My new beau makes me laugh, I'm comfortable with him and I enjoy spending quite nights alone with him. We are very sexual with one another and I think that him being with another woman could turn me on although I look at that as though I dont care about him and I dont care if he was with another girl behind my back or something which honestly I dont think is the case.....
All of my friends look at me with my current boyfriend and they say I am completely myself with him and I have NEVER been like that. I usually am very controlling but for a reason I am completely myself with him. I think I was like that before because my ex's were all meant to be mis-trusted....Anyways. what I am asking is why dont I feel as infatuated for him as I did for my ex...I always wanted to marry my ex until he became abusive but I cant say 100% if I want to marry this one. I just want to know 100% and know that this is right and I want to trust myself to say no to my ex, I dont want to have to avoid places in case he shows up?!?!?! Thanks!
2007-02-26 08:18:50 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
For some reason, women tend to be drawn to "bad boys". I don't know if it's the excitement or what. It just is what it is. You've been dating your current boyfriend for a few months now, and you're exiting the honeymoon period and the excitement of a new relationship is wearing off. This is normal. It's also normal to not be having sex as often too. Your ex-boyfriend is dangerous, and it's the excitment that is tempting you, probably not your ex-boyfriend. You are stronger than you think. Hopefully knowing that it's simply excitment you're looking for, you'll be less tempted to go back to your ex-boyfriend. Remember -- he's not safe for you. Take up skydiving or something if you need more excitment. But it sounds like relationship-wise, you've got a good thing going.
2007-02-26 08:25:19 · answer #1 · answered by Liza 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a moral dilemma. Women are attracted to aggression and unfortunately physical aggression does something to a woman's subconscious making her feel like the abusive male has power over her. And besides that, you went from an action packed relationship to one where you don't feel challenged. I am currently in a relationship with a young lady that started out as infatuation and has slowed down. I don't think either guy is right for you. It seems that you haven't found what your are looking for. As far as the cop, leave that alone. Men who hit woman are scared of life. Consider the positive in both partners and the negative to sort out what you want then all you have to do is get it.
2007-02-26 08:31:53 · answer #2 · answered by Gabriel Anton 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't ever go back to your ex-husband. No one deserves to be abused. And abuse is what you will get again from him. Your already seeing a counselor and should talk to them on why you want to even think about returning to such a bad relationship. You are fortunate to have a second chance with what sounds like a really nice man. If he is as wonderful as you say, he will be patient and not rush into marriage. No matter what you felt for your husband before it didn;t stop him from abusing you and now that you are divorced, if you were to give into him it will be worse then before. You need to start telling yourself you deserve happiness now and treated right. And if it takes staying away from places you know your ex goes then stay away from him. It had to be pretty bad for a police man to get charged and fired for abuse. As for marring this guy, you don't have to rush into it right now , it's only been five months not enough time to know what you really feel for him and to get engaged. God bless you and keep you safe.
2007-02-26 08:39:52 · answer #3 · answered by auntkarendjjb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They say alot of confusion can be caused by being too comfortable especially if you got out of a really bad relationship before. You just need to ask yourself to look at the big picture. Would you rather be happy or would you rather have the drama? It really is that simple. Only you can make the decision to be happy.
2007-02-26 08:24:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have some boundary and self-esteem issues that need to be worked on, cuz you seem to be in cycle of dating controlling men. For instance, with the cop who was abusive, and your tendency to be afraid to say no to that guy, etc. Also your relationships sound codependent in nature, like you HAVE to be with this guy or else life will absolutely suck. Doesn't sound healthy at all.
It's not fair to compare your boyfriends with each other - how fair or even accurate would it be for them to do that with you and their female flames? Plus, it doesn't give you any insight as to why you feel like you have to be in "fatuation" first in order to value the relationship.
It'd benefit you to take a step back, worked on yourself by learning how to be independent and self-assured, THEN get into a new relationship because you sound like you're caught in a cycle of dating controlling men and it doesn't seem to be working out for you. In order to break out of that cycle you have to change yourself and the way you interact in relationships.
Would your world fall apart if you weren't in a relationship, or would you be at peace with it? Ask yourself that, and go with your instincts.
2007-02-26 08:36:38 · answer #5 · answered by oneworld 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask yourself some question....does your heart feel right with him? am i ready to move on? do i need some healing time to myself? should i take a chance? these r some questions u need to ask yourself....one more last question do i need some closure to let my ex kn how bad he hurt me? and sweetie dont EVER let a man get the best of u that means b woman enough to let a man kn that u r your own woman and that u will not b treated like a dog u will b treated with respect...i hope this helps....
2007-02-26 08:31:33 · answer #6 · answered by pain&pleasure 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
5 months is really fast espically to be living together if you are having theese feelings then maybe you don't love him you need to start imganing your life with out him, maybe you guys shouldn't leave together any more start taking things slow your last relationship has done it's damage on you and you need to heal tell your bf what is going on if he loves you then he will understand
2007-02-26 08:26:50 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋