How do you know when to leave?

Question

I've been with this woman for over 6 years. We're both adults in our late '20s. Sometimes things are really good and sometimes I don't think they're good at all. We love eachother, we've tried a million times to make it work and right now everything is pretty much ok.

But, there are definitely some bad things too. She's hit me out of anger, just once, but that's enough, isn't it? I feel guilty and embarassed by that because I'm educated, a feminist, etc. but I might be in an abusive relationship. I don't know if I should stick things out and try to make them work or if I should leave.

If the answer is that I should leave, how do I even start to go about doing that? I've never broken up with anyone before. I've been dumped and there've been mutual agreements to call it off, but I've never broken up with anyone before.

Please help, I feel so lost and confused. Thanks.

Answer 1

to begin with you are in an abusive relationship no questions about it. Being hit just one time is enough and know one should have to put up with it.
Now for breaking up with someone, well it depends on the person will she make a seen or will she listen to you and take everything to heart and realize it's for the best. To the first make it somewhere in public where she might be embarrassed to make a seen then let her down gently and with love in your heart . To the second make it at her house or apartment if you don't live together this way you can sit down and real talk and see if this is worth all the hassle and grief that this relationship has brought or should you both leave and get on with your lives but please do it with love in your heart for her. because you have shared things over 6 years and you both deserve the best

Answer 2

First of all 6 years is a pretty long amount of time. If you feel this relationship is what you both want and you want to remain in a committed relationship you must know that there are always ups and downs. You need to work at any relationship and cannot give up on it when the going gets tough. On the other hand if it really is something that is better off allowing to die, then do so. Why don't you talk to a therapist or counselor for some advice. Or at least your local church pastor, or a really well loved and trusted aunt or neighbor (just for someone else's viewpoint). If you feel that it is definitely over, the first person you need to talk to is your girlfriend. You need to tell her it is over and that you both need to decide some things. 1- who will stay in apartment, who will find new one, 2, who gets what stuff you two have accumulated in 6 years (furniture, etc). If you two pool your money, then you need to separate it. If you already separate it, then one of you need to start looking for a new place to live. That's the start, the rest will fall into place. Good luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 3

If she has only hit you once out of anger, maybe that was a mistake and she really did not mean to do it, so I would not necessarily say that you are in an abusive relationship. You have to think of if you leave, are you going to miss her and how you really feel about her. If you want to leave, you should start by looking for a place to live before you even mention it to her because once you do mention it to her, she might just tell you to get out. It will hurt at first, but then you will get over it and move on. NO relationship is perfect and everyone fights, it is just a matter of if the good times are more than the bad times.

Answer 4

I would say that it is not an abusive relationship she probably did not mean to hurt you but yes she should of not done it. When you start questioning your relationship it is time to start moving on or spending a little time apart and seeing that would be better. But you need to be honest with her if you are ready make sure that you have a place to go cause she will be really hurt and angry and may ask you to leave now. Just there are a lot of things to think about before doing a big move. Good luck to you and make sure you are doing the right thing before you go.

Answer 5

The first thing that strikes me about this whole situation is that
you you say that you love each other, and you have been with
each other for over six years. If you two are in love like you
profess, how come you aren't married? It sounds to me like
the both of you have allot of knock down drag outs, this is not
conducive to a loving relationship. It's time to take off the gloves,
sit down and open up the lines of communication. Lay all the
cards on the table face up,be honest with each other. speak
your truths' clearly and quietly. By doing this both of you will
have a better insight about each other, change will be able
to begin, and your love for each other will be able to flourish
and grow. I've been married fifteen years, and I've learned
that you never stop learning when it comes to love, and that
we have to learn to really listen to the other, and sacrifice if
we want our love to grow stronger.

Answer 6

I'm gonna try to let you know that if you feel that after all this time , you don't think that this relationship isn't going to work because of what you say and feel?
weather you're educated or not , are you smart enough to know the difference/ or is it that your feeling guilty because your letting yourself been taken advantage of.?
trust me I'm not trying to make you feel bad, just hoping that you realize that it's your decision on how your been treated that determines how you deal with this relationship and believe me when you're ready to leave you'll figure it out.
Once, I had to bail out of relationship and did it while she was at work. I work out all the details as to where i was going to go and who was going to help me move and did it all in ONE day.

And, I will tell you this., It's tough to break-up . But if you have to do it,. Then just do it. or you will regret it for the rest of your life and will deny yourself another opportunity of falling in love again with someone that will care for and love you.
Twenty some-thing years young and you've just about begung to learn the rules of love and life., and there is yet more to come.

TakeCare and don't let yourself be mistreated.

"nuff said"

Answer 7

Only you can be in charge of your destiny. You should be discussing these feelings emotions with her. Your queston does not sound like you are happy in the relationship at all. Seems like you don't have a very close relationship if you have to seek an answer from us. Life is way too short!!! Can you see yourself with this woman when your 30 40 50 60 etc If not theres your answer!

Answer 8

All relationships have there ups and downs. A relationship is work and compromise. I do not not believe in abuse of any kind verbal or physical. If your partner has anger issues, that needs to be addressed and she needs to work at that.

Make a list of good and bad. See which side is longer that might help you make a decision if you want to stay or not.

Answer 9

Maybe counseling is the issue. While many individuals who have been abused in the past seem to abuse others in the future if they do not deal with the issues they have. If you love your wife like you say you do there is no reason to leave. Simply try to let her know how you feel and seek the professional help of a professional.

Answer 10

I been like that all my life too.I never broke up with any one or meant it. Until now. I was married 10yrs and he did the leaving then I dating for 6yrs they stop seeing me before I stop seeing them then I got remarried for other 10yrs in he did the leaving. But now he whats to come back and he was abusive. The time I had away from him was so great. I had to learn again like- that I forgot what I felt like again. I forgot how to live normal. I was always on the defense side. I hated the world I hating to do anything because of my ex being abusive to me. The time he was gone, I would read educate myself. You said your a educate man. What about in relationships I think your not. I think it's time that you get started. Stop the feeling of being lost and confused. You need time apart with this person. And you know your not going to want to go back. Of course you love her 6yrs is a long time. But it takes more then love. After 6yrs you either marry her in shut up and deal with it or you get out. Do you know what dating is, it's not about feelings it's about to see if your a healthy match.Asking yourself can you live with this person for the next 30 or + years. Can I have children with this person someday. We get so wrap up in feelings, forgeting the big things. And read ten stupid things men do to mess up their lives by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger