I am really shy and i am soooooo sick of it..its been ruining my life!?

Question

I've lived in the same town my whole life and i've always been really shy. like i've had friends but i can never keep them because of being insecure and shy. in 5th grade a girl moved to my town and we became really good friends and then she moved at the end of 6th grade but we still keep in touch. i also was made fun of a lot by my 2 older siblings (i am the youngest) when i was younger and sometimes by kids at school which is probably why im so insecure, self-conscious and painfully shy. i used to get panic attacks in high school but those have gone away now that im in college. i hated school cuz there were never anyone who wanted to be my friend i felt like i had to make such an effort and then people would just be mean to me so it sucked and i never felt accepted. i still havent made friends in college either cuz of being really shy. i feel depressed a lot and stressed out because im always thinking that people are judging me and i beat myself up over it..any suggestions?

oh yeah and i have a really large birthmark on my forehead that makes it worse no joke

there was this kid that was like "do you talk to anyone?" to me one time and it really hurt my feelings

Answer 1

You are thinking too much about what other people might be thinking, and chances are they aren't even thinking those things at all! I had a shy daughter, she was always very self conscious and would do things to not draw attention to herself. The funny think is, that she drew more attention to herself trying to go unnoticed than if she had just walked right into the middle of the room and started talking to someone.
Just decide you are going to talk to a certain number of people every day, and sooner or later with the law of averages, you are going to find someone who you can get along with and be best friends, like your 5th grade friend.

Answer 2

I actually know exactly what you are feeling. i too was shy and had few friends. i also have a large scar across my nose and forehead.
in college I forced myself to get a job as a waitress so that I would have to meet people.
I chose a job where I can wear a hat much of the time to cover my forehead scar (I am a project manager on a construction jobsite).
i have also found that taking up semi-extreme sports has helped me in a few different way. I love to mountain bike and white water kayak!! In both sports I find many other people that have battle scars from the sport...they assume that I got my scars either crashing my mountain bike or getting my a$$ kicked in a class V rapid in a kayak!!


So, get a job that will force you to speak with MANY different people.
Choose a career that you will be comfortable in.
Find a sport or hobby that you are passionate about, if you are good at something or improving fast you will be accepted.

Also, consider taking some dance lessons. Find a dance that looks fun to you...and make sure that there is somewhere close by where people go just to dance that type of dance (2-step, swing, shag, salsa...) Other dancers love to dance with other dancers that love to dance... (be prepared, the learning curve is difficult at the beginning!!)

Answer 3

Hon, I used to be the same way. I was so shy, I wouldn't even order my own food in a restaurant. I had no friends, and I was miserable. I was so scared of what people thought about me that I faked being sick all the time to get out of school. One day I realized that I would be 30yrs old, living with my parents, and playing Monopoly w/ them every day if I didn't change something. So little by little I would start talking to people... Nothing important, just little stuff like "Those are great shoes," or "Do you know the time?" Just little things that would get me to talk to people. I found that really helped me, even if it is just 'baby steps' toward the greater goal. And as for worrying about what others think of you... All I have to say is FORGET THEM. Anyone who has to make fun of you is just trying to get people to look away from something that is wrong with THEM. Nobody is perfect! Be proud of who you are, and don't let any idiots get you down!

Answer 4

Being shy is not easy. However, you can get yourself out of this cycle first by realizing that nobody is looking at you and judging you. They are more concerned with how you are judging them. It's true. Try this. Every morning think nothing but positive thoughts. Picture yourself talking to people just as you would your old friend that moved away. Always project positive thoughts. Picture the way you want your life and PUT IT OUT there. I suggest you get the DVD "The Secret". It is absolutely invaluable in getting positive change to work for you. Good luck. This is totally about changing your mind set. It's completely reversible. Good luck and positive thoughts to you.

Answer 5

WOW!! You sound like me many years ago. What I'm going to tell you, you'll find very uncomfortable and most likely won't attempt - but it worked for me; and many others.

I was also "painfully" shy - coming from a broken home, never knowing my Mother, abonded by my Father, becoming a Ward-of-the state - I mean let's face it - If your own Mother and Father reject you, you gotta be a loser, right? Why would anyone find me the least bit interesting - or attractive? -- talk about shy? I would try to disappear and actually had a fantasy about living under a hugh boulder, which I burrowed under, with a secret entrance that only I knew about. It was the ultimate "by-my-self-fortress". -- Then I became so uncomfortable within my own skin, I decided to do something about it. - I gained the strength to force myself into the most uncomfortable situations I could imagine - To be in the center of it all! -- Sweating, knees knocking, voice cracking - I started to put myself "out there" - forcing myself to be not just a part of the world around me, but to be a big part of it - and over time, the center of it! Believe me, it wasn't easy! It was trying, frightening - and life-changing.

I learned that those among us who seem to be easy going and in front of the lights - guess what! They too came from "shyness" - and overcame it!

Check out the number of actors and actresses that were painfully shy - but they would not allow themselves to live a shadow of a life - but wanted more. They, too, forced themselves into the most uncomfortable situations - again and again. -- Imagine yourself, as shy as you are, walking out to the edge of a stage, before an audience and performing!! Eventually, the "pretend" persona became them.

All I can say, is make yourself uncomfortable - force youself to be out in front, be the star on life's stage -- and maybe, just maybe, you will become --- YOU!

(See, I told you, you wouldn't like it)

Answer 6

Nope I have the same problem i am also shy I have a best friend we became friends in fifth grade and up to 12 we graduated together in the same school but about 2 years ago she moved away and we try to keep in conntect but she never like to write or even talk on the phone, maybe we should become friends and get to know one another e-mail me at [e-mail] maybe we should talk and get to know each other I would like to make friends because i do not have any

Answer 7

I'm a bit shy myself and that's what's kept me from being active and mostly because I've gone through what you've gone through by getting picked on by other kids when I was younger and my weight isn't much help ethier but I'm so sick of being shy and I'm going to get bolt and talk to people and you should do that to. Not everyone is judgeing you just remeber that ok? If you want I can be your friend that's proably not much help huh? Just get out there and talk to people that's what I plan to do.

Answer 8

Start with yourself, It seems to me that people who are shy is because there is something they do not like about themselves, in my situation it was my weight, so I tried to keep fit, loose weight and release allot of stress at the gym. Cardio excercise is the best, sweat it out girl, release all those negative thoughts and start thinking of the positive such as for me is after I lose 10 pounds I'm gonna go by me those cute outfits, hair, nails, make-up and even your toes pamper yourself, when you feel great then you look great, walk with your head up and just say "Hi, How are you?" or "wuz up" what ever you are feeling and start with talking about yourself BUT not too much only as a conversation starter, "Hi my name is---- I've been in Mr.---- class for two weeks and i just can't seem to understand (what ever the lecture maybe)" or " Hi, my name ----- I'm taking my basics or I'm majoring in, and just let the conversation take itself, but first you have to feel good about you, just remember pamper yourself because your worth it.

Answer 9

I'm pretty shy too when it comes to meeting new people. What I would start doing is confronting your fears. You can't be afraid to do this b/c there really is no loss. You'll end up with either no friends, which is what you claim to have now, or at minimum 1 friend, which is better than 0. So it looks to me that it's a win-win situation. Make a deal with yourself...go out of your way to talk to one new person a week. I also think it's really important that you meet at least one person that you feel comfortable talking to and hanging out with, then you can just meet others through that person and before you know it, you have a group of friends. Your in college and there's no easier place to meet people than there, as long as your in a dorm. Take advantage of the situation and just start hanging out in others dorm rooms all the time, then eventually they'll come knocking on your door to see what you're up too. Be yourself too, don't try to force people to like you. If they make fun of you...so what, go find others to hang out with then. Find something that you like to do and see if you can find others who like to do the same. You need to go out of your way a little to meet people and maintain a relationship with them. Once you build that trust barrier up, which really doesn't take too long, then you should have a good friend. Honestly, chances are that people aren't judging you, your judging yourself. You need to stop doing that and the only way is to practice. I know it's not easy at first, but once you start doing it, it gets easier and easier. Start looking at yourself in the mirror everyday and telling yourself that you are a confident person and people like you. That should help to build up you confidence a little. If you still have problems after actually putting in your absolute best effort, I would then seek professional help. They will be able to provide you with some tactics on how to interact with people. I wish you the best of luck and relax. Everyone has their guard up at first, so let yours down and and you should be able to see that the others aren't judging you, they just want to get to know you to see if you are a trustworthy person.

Answer 10

I used to be painfully shy and unfortunatley I tried to come out of my shell with the "strength" of alcohol. But then I said and did things that I didn't respect myself for and it made me feel even worse.
Now that I am older, I have learned that the strength of God is all I need to carry me through life. It doesn't matter if I am a social butterfly. It doesn't matter what others think of me. As long as I am faithful and serving the Lord and doing my best to show that in my life, then it doesn't matter what people of this world think of me.
Be true to yourself. God made you and he gave everyone different personalities. Take delight that he gave you life and your personality...I'm sure you are a very sweet and thoughtful kind of person.