We are newlyweds and we only have sex twice a month. I love him very much and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I am sure he is frustrated too. And in case your are wondering- I am very attractive and very open minded when it comes to sex- so that is not the problem. I especially do not want to make the matters worse by making him feel inadequate. HELP!
2007-02-26 07:48:34 · 17 answers · asked by Wanderlust 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Is he tired or stressed about something? That can cause a decrease in sexual desire. You can talk to him about it without making him feel inadequate. Just choose your words carefully, don't accuse him of anything. Don't jump to any conclusions (i.e. gay or affair) until you know what's going on. Another thing could be that he feels pressured. Newlyweds face lots of challenges and it's probably just stress. Plan a quiet night for the two of you to just relax, without the pressure of expecting sex at the end of the night.
2007-02-26 07:59:45 · answer #1 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like he needs medical help at all. You are placing far too much value on sex and this is probably creating performance anxiety with him. The fact that you are attractive and open minded has nothing to do with whether or not your husband has the same sexual appetite as you have.
What are the reasons you married? Are you compatible, do you enjoy each others company. Do you have great conversations and laugh? Similar interests? What about your values and goals, are they on the same path? These things are far more important than sex.
Since you are placing so much emphasis on sex then I suggest therapy for you. Why do you feel sex twice a month isn't adequate for you? Why do you feel the amount of sex plays a vital role in the value of your marriage? Your relationship? Do you feel sex twice a month means you are losing control in the relationship? Losing your hold over him? Is sex all you have offer him in the relationship? Without it your nothing?
Try couples therapy also. I doubt if sexual issues is all that's wrong with the relationship. It's just what's being targeted by you. Through therapy you'll discover what's "really" wrong. Maybe you'll be able save the relationship from going down the toilet.
2007-02-26 08:18:58 · answer #2 · answered by briardan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To start with, simply suggest a routine physical. Once he has scheduled his appointment (do it for him if that's easier), call the doctor and explain the problem and that you would like the doctor to give your husband a complete physical to ensure there is nothing medically wrong. The doctor won't tell you the results (confidentiality) but at least he'll be forewarned to look for something.
If your husband receives a clean bill of health, the next step is to look for psychological factors. How long have you known your husband intimately? Could he be homosexual? Could he be having an affair? Could he be afraid of getting you pregnant (maybe he's not ready for children)? Could he have an STD like Herpes and be keeping away from you during flare ups?
Communication is the key to a successful marriage. So sit down and openly talk with him about this. Don't be judgmental or confrontational. Simply talk. A healthy compatible sex life is very important in a marriage (I didn't say the MOST important, but it ranks right up there), so you need to address this issue now before resentment sets in.
2007-02-26 07:53:55 · answer #3 · answered by kja63 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ummm.... I am a big beleiver in COMMUNICATION and seeing that the two of you are married you have obviously shared a few feelings with one another.... Why is this subject so hard to talk about with him?
If he gets defensive and dosen't want to talk about it, just leave him alone, dont assume its because hes cheating or has some disease . If you continue to ask and he is aggrivated its more likely than not, that you will be in the same boat having sex on your scheduled days of the month!
Just give him some time and space and quit putting on the pouty face when hes too tired........ he'll come back around sooner or later!
2007-02-26 08:16:03 · answer #4 · answered by melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you initiate sex or do you wait for your partner to? Often times guys could actually want to without initiating. If you attempt and he rejects you, that is an entirely different issue. But if this happens, it would be an appropriate time to begin a discussion about it.
2007-02-26 07:55:25 · answer #5 · answered by blamb! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should talk to his doctor alone. He may refer you to a therapist, whom you could also talk to alone. They can work with you to help you help him.
I'm assuming you've already talked to your husband about your frustrations. It's awkward I know, but it's important that you be honest with him. Is the rest of your marriage going well? Is he stressed out at work? Stress can really take its toll...Are both of you on the same page as far as having children is concerned? Any of these situations could affect his drive.
2007-02-26 07:54:31 · answer #6 · answered by Liza 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your previous question mentioned a "gaming" problem! If he would rather play computer/on-line games than have sex with his beautiful new wife his problem isn't medical! If he won't loose the games loose him!
2007-02-26 07:55:30 · answer #7 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mmmmmh! newly weds and he lacks sexual drive and you are the one worried about the problem not him.
Honey he is probably being satisfied somewhere else.
Put a detective to his tale.
If he is clean, then go to ann summers or wherever you can get help in that department and get your groove on, prepare yourself for him every evening so when he comes home after work, you are all grrrrrrrrh! and ready to rumble, that should light his fire.
But if he is dirty, I don't believe in divorce, if he is dirty as in seeing somebody else, I think you should either cut his ****s off, or better terminate his existence.
2007-02-26 08:13:39 · answer #8 · answered by Pink_Zirconia!!! 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Make sure he is also not having an affair. I know you are newlyweds, but sometimes a man doesnt want to have sex because he is getting it elsewhere.
2007-02-26 07:52:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
is it his desire or does he have problems getting an erection. He may need to see a doctor and have his testosterone levels checked.
2007-02-26 08:12:14 · answer #10 · answered by Mike S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋