What can a "marriage counselor" do to improve your sex life?

Question

I always read here about people recommending "marriage couseling" for a variety of problems ranging from not getting enough sex to wanting sex from somebody else.

Is this guy some kind of miracle worker? What exactly can he/she do for you?

Answer 1

They can try to help and offer advice but it really is up to you as individuals if you take the advice they say and use and apply it or if you choose not to listen or care about what they say. A sex therapist may be more qualified to help with the sex life situation anyways. A marriage counselor is usually more for the relationship and marriage part of it.

Answer 2

Sort of depends what the source of the problem is.

They can encourage you to open up and communicate, if one (or both) have difficulty expressing their needs, fantasies, etc.

Once having identified the problem, it is now "out in the open," or "on the table" for discussion.

The biggest function a counselor serves is that of a mediator or facilitator. Very often, one of the people in a relationship has sex desires/issues and just can't manage to communicate or negotiate well. The counselor sort of forces the issue; getting the other person to express their hesitance or opposition.

There's certainly no "miracle work" involved.

It's all about communication - and a lot of people just don't communicate well.

Answer 3

Counseling, of any sort, is designed to be a way for you to help yourself. A counselor can guide you in the right direction or even help couples reach a compromise on issues. Counselors are not miracle workers and a bad one can exasperate the situation, but for the most part, they are people who help you help yourself. A really good friend can be just as good in some personal situations, but when it comes to relationship issues, it is usually better to have a disassociated third party as a mediator.

Answer 4

My experience has been that having an unsatisfying sex life has little to do with technique - fatigue - position - want to - etc., and everything to do with the health of the relationship. When my husband and I went to counseling and worked on us, things naturally heated up in bed. Give it a try with an open mind. If you have a good counselor and not the mamby pamby, "How does that make you feel?" type, you will find out how to turn on the mind - your greatest sex organ.

Answer 5

Sometimes human beings use sex as a tool to punish someone (if your wife is upset with you you don't get any!) Sometimes people aren't comfortable/trusting of each other so the sex isn't that great. This is where a counselor comes in. If you are having problems in your marriage it usually ends up affecting your sex life.

Answer 6

marriage counselor improve sex life

Answer 7

Stay out of it. Really, conselling is a last-ditch attempt when both parties are so hurt and defensive that they can't talk to each other without trying to manipulate the outcome of the situation.

Now, couples would be well advised to learn what character traits and attitudes work well in a long-term relationship prior to getting married so it doesn't come down to needing a referee to help you talk to one another.

The biggest problem with conselors is that more than half of them have codependency issues themselves, so if your partner is seeing one alone who is only hearing one side of the story, then there's a liklihood that they could form a codependent bond that is harmful to your relationship.

Answer 8

Excellent!

Answer 9

They all do the same thing - he or she will tell you that you should be nicer, wash the dishes and stuff, and expect less, and then tell her that maybe she should be less grouchy when she's turns you down, and that she should be very specific about when she wants you to do the dishes so there's no confusion...