Did my wife of 12 yeasrs cheat or was she a victim.?

Question

My wife came clean to me a few weeks ago. she said she has been with my brother in law for over 2 1/2 years. She claims the first time he raped her and he threatened her life and beat her if she ever told anyone. well he would constantly want to see her and if she didnt he would tell everyone and ruin her life. he would show up at her job trying to start trouble unless she slept with him. during that whole ordeal i noticed my wife was suicidle and very depressed. i always suspected something with him and her and she always denied it. she was always mean to me and i felt at some times the devil must have came out of her. she was very short and cried her self to sleep. I know what this man is capable of because he does the same to my sister and we did find out he did the same to anoter relative but didnt know if he raped her. Well i think he did but she doesnt want to admit it. she denied me sex all that time and always wanted a divorce but never went thru. now she says she loves me hapy

Well we also immediatly went to the police and filed a complaint. She is complying with everything i ask so it s making me belive there was never a realationship in the begining. what bothers me is that he got her pregnant and she had an abortion. This guy basically did the same thing to another realitve the same exact way and i got my cousin to admit to it. So did this really happen or was there a realationship in the begining like myself and everyone assumes. I have known my wife to long to think that she would carry a affair with a realative and expect ot get away with it. my wife is the type that would be very upset and hurt if people found out about this and this is why i dont think she would do this with someone so close to the family. . she said she was just fed up and tired of being beat and constantly stalked at worked. I am just looking for people that might be in the same or similar situation. please feel free to im me as well. i need to talk to someone. we are in counsling.

Answer 1

Let me see unless you see sucker wrote on your forehead is the only way I would take her back. Think about what you just said and say it was true, wouldn't she be able to tell someone or go to the police? Now, say it isn't true and this guy got tired of her and now she needs someone, so who else to run to besides you right now. Right now because when she wants to play her little games she will be off again. Take pride in yourself and don't allow someone to use you.

Answer 2

I'm sorry, but didn't you ever notice that she came home with bruises?

I just can understand how it will take her 2 1/2 years to tell you what she was going thru. You sound as a reasonable guy that would had stand by her and give her all the support she need it.

As shameful and this can be I would tell my husband or at least the police. I mean a grown woman is different than a child.

I don't know some of us are a lot stronger than others, but with the small information you are providing is hard to come to a conclusion.

You should seek counseling and if later you find out she was lying and she was actually having an affair and you are able to digest that. Then the best of luck to the both of you.

Answer 3

I have a frien who was raped a few years back and has never really dealt with it wha is worse is hat she stayed in contact with her rapist which is not uncommon...if multiple family members are saying the same about this guy than it is probably true....he is isck and thank God you guys are in counseling...dont believe these people with upsetting things to say...if your wife is oing through with your will I would assume she is being honest...may peace be with yo and your wife

Answer 4

once a cheater always a cheater. denial of sex means not interested.....period!!! I'm a woman and i know. She crys herself to sleep because she is so ashamed that's all she can do. Do not spend one second of time over her any more. Divorce, move on, and stop having to rely on strangers to answer questions that you should already know . Lessons dont come easy and believe me karma will haunt her for the rest of her life. Like i said I'm a Woman and I know!!!!! As far as being suicidal.....most people that are, never talk about it and if you know about it then obviously she talked about it. She just wants attention. And as far as the devil......GET OUT!!!!!

Answer 5

Now this could work both ways.
1. She started the affair, WILLINGLY and then felt guilty and wanted to stop and he refused and threatened her and she became depressed.
2. She really didn't want to have the affair and was conned into it and realize she liked it and then felt guilty later and became depressed.

BUT if she really didn't want this to happen she would never have put herself in a situation to let him attempt to have sex with her and she would have told you right away, so that you could stop him in his tracks.
So I think she is a fault yes.

Answer 6

Firstly:You poor baby,I am going through the same thing "my husband cheated on me"
Secondly;since you said that he is capable she might be telling the truth.
Thirdly;if he raped her she could of reported it to the cops.They would of arrest him and charged him too.
Fourthly;its up to you either to take her back or divorce her.
My choice if I were you is to work things.
Good Luck

Answer 7

you should not doubt your wife, if she was even suicidal and depressed maybe she was being threatened. you should try to help her as much as you can handle. if it is too much, then just be honest and tell her you can't handle it. that it is too much. the reason i am advising you to do this is because if it is true, then you never loved her enough to help her through this. sometimes life has its sharp turns. sooner or later you will find out if it is tru or not. good luck.

Answer 8

Wow that's one ****** up situation I personally think she has been raped and i think if you REALLY want to work this out with her then go to couple counseling and see how that works out. I think that you should report this to the police if she got raped. Good luck.

Answer 9

She needs your help badly now. Fear is a very motivating factor and he has used it over her effectively. Go to the police and report the whole thing. After that, get counseling. Rape counseling for her and marriage counseling for the both of you. This is going to be a tough time for her, but you can help her though it. He needs to be punished for his crimes, especially if he has done it before.

Answer 10

we all have choices in life, it may have begun with cheating, but maybe later on when she wanted to break it off that there may have been problems with him, he probably did threaten her, and he probably did stalk her, and she got in way over her head. think she may need some therapy, and go through with the charges on him, he needs to pay for this. he was blackmailing her after awhile, but i think she was willing at first.