I have been with my husband for 9 years.I love him very much.I also know he loves me.The problem is SEX!?We do not have sex as regually as I think we should and it is driving me crazy.We made love a couple of nights ago for the first time in almost 3 months.I know he is not cheating.He says that he just doesn't think about it like he did when "he was younger"He is only 36 and I am 33.He will cook for me,clean & fix my car and anything else I ask.But when night time comes-nothing.He's "too tired" even though he will sit up and watch a movie till midnight or work on a car till midnight.He acts like sex is a job.I have done everything I can think of.I bought a pill that is supposed to help men get in the mood.1 pill cost me $10.It didn't work.We did make love but I had to suduce him into it ,after he finially came to bed 3 hrs after me.This isn't working for me. As much as I love him, I need him to touch me and make love to me. How do I make him realize that our marriage is in trouble??
2007-02-26 07:34:29 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe you guys should consider marriage counseling. It sounds like your sex drives are not compatible. Maybe there are hidden issues at play here. It will be money wisely spent.
2007-02-26 07:39:41 · answer #1 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sex does not make the marriage. At times it does help but the point you are missing is prolly that the two of you are on a different level now and maybe he is overwhelmed and sex is no longer a release. The thing that you may want to try first before moving to him is seeing that sex is not something you do to make everything okay. Sex is a escape and a joy. I would ask him why he views this as a task then drop it totally. Masterbate with him beside you and no nagging. Make him be the one that comes to you next. When he does blow his mind. Show him why it was once something great the two of you share. Good luck and hope the love making increases. I never can figure out how come us women can work, hold a home, function, and many other task and they never keep up with us. We are the ones that have to throw in masterbation b/c there couch muscle has overwoked there ambition to rump with us.
2007-02-26 16:17:12 · answer #2 · answered by BettieRulz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him how you feel. You can't fix this problem by yourself. A lot of couples who have this problem insist on seeing a Sex Therapist. You shouldn't end your marriage just because the sex isn't happening. There are many things on top of sex that make a marriage work, from what you describe, he's not a bad husband. You said he does stuff for you to make you happy, right? Don't give up on him. Too many people get themselves into trouble once sex starts becoming an issue, one or the other finds another alternative rather than looking to work things out. Your ability to communicate & solve problems together is more important that nights of pleasure. Don't assume it's over for the both of you. I say you TALK TO HIM & WORK THIS OUT.
2007-02-26 15:40:24 · answer #3 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If Sex is important to you, then the lack of it is a problem. End of story. Just because some people consider sex an additional factor in marriage as opposed to a primary one, does not mean it is that way for you.
Now, you are not asking him to have sex three times a day. Just more frequently that once every three months! From your description, your husband sounds a bit withdrawn, both emotionally and physically. While being dutiful to you in some ways (household chores and fixing you car), he is really neglecting you in affection. I believe being affectionate is vital in a relationship. If you are feeling starved for it, then you must seek help from a professional. Don't treat it like it's not a big deal. If you do, then it will nurture resentment towards him in other areas of your life.
2007-02-26 17:09:30 · answer #4 · answered by shoshana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, marriage can last without sex, but only if both partners are ok with it. Have you considered talking to a doctor about your husband's problem? He may have low levels of testosterone. It takes only a blood test to find out for sure, and there are treatments for it.
My husband is the same way, he hardly ever thinks about sex. We spend a lot of time together, and have a great relationship, it's just we rarely have sex. He's 36, and, as far as I can conclude, sex has never been a great motivator for him (before he met me, it had been 8 years since he's had any relationship at all). It was suggested to me by a doctor that low testosterone can be the cause; now I just need to get him to take the blood test. The absence of sex doesn't worry me much - I have zero drive myself, so it actually works out perfectly - but low testosterone can cause other health issues, such as immune problems. Please ask your husband to see a doctor, it could be a treatable medical issue.
2007-02-26 16:03:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a woman. And I'll be honest I can't live without sex. I love sex in fact! I believe that sex should be part of your marriage. Its a time to embrace, and connect in different ways. My husband and I are sexually active, and we have been married for about 3 years now. Of course, its not like before where is was almost everyday. Now, we have a 7 month old so sex does change. But I think he should see a doc. I know its not easy getting a man to see a doc. Especially if its about his sexuality. But one of most important things in marriage is communication. So talk to your husband let him know how you feel. Tell him that yes, it is an issue to you. A couple should always make time for sex regardless. Good Luck!
2007-02-26 15:48:44 · answer #6 · answered by Mari 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know that many times in our marriage one or both of us is too tired for sex. The 2 of you must agree to make love more often. You may have to take a more active role. There are positions with the woman on top where you can do most of the work. He can have a passive role if he's too tired to do more. You may want to see a counselor to find out if there is anything you could try to make it better. Try to work it out with him before taking drastic measures, and by all means don't cheat. It sounds like he's an excellent husband to you in a lot of other ways.
2007-02-26 15:46:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have a loving and caring husband.Sex is a part of marriage and not a whole. If you want to have sex seduce your husband and there is no harm and you have the right to do it.May be he is occupied with his work too much or may be he is having a lot of tension which can decrease his intrest in sex.There is no definate rule to how many times you should have sex. It is beter to have a satisfying one rather than have a more number to unsatifying sex.You can always remind him of your sex needs and you need not be guilty for asking what you want.
2007-02-26 23:29:04 · answer #8 · answered by anand_e_j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that a marriage can last without sex. Feeling love doesnt have to require sex all the time. Sometimes laying with eachother, holding hands, just relaxing with eachother is really nice. You cant focus too much on sex all the time. If the rest of your relationship is good why waste time on thinking sex sex sex. One day your "parts" are not going to work and so are his. Then what will you have?? Only eachother.
2007-02-26 17:34:09 · answer #9 · answered by Sweetheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can marriage last without sex - NO!!! As you can see - you're getting fed up with NO SEX TONIGHT DEAR attitude....Wait another 9 years and they'll have to put you in the "looney-bin"....
He needs to get to a Doctor right away - sounds like a medical problem.....No 36 year old heterosexual man thinks having sex every 3 months is enough.
2007-02-26 16:29:49 · answer #10 · answered by brenny_boo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There ARE hidden issues, most likely, like someone else said.
My suggestion is to simply ask him what changed in your relationship to make him not be into having sex with you anymore (assuming you had sex on a more regular basis previously). Allow and be prepared for an honest answer because it will most likely be an answer you really don't want to hear.
Sorry to say, but men must be aroused to have sex. For some reason, he apparently is not.
2007-02-26 15:48:16 · answer #11 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋