Am I overreacting to my husband's friendship with a woman?

Question

My husband has a very close friend who is a women. She used to by my friend, but now she is more my husband's than she is mine. They texted each other all the time. All day a work and even at home. I have expressed by concern to both of them. Huge fight!!! She told me she would stop texting him because our friendship was more important. She lied. The texting never stopped. When we had the huge fight, it was because I found some texts on his phone from her that I thought were inappropriate for her to be saying to a married man. My husband explained what it was about. No big deal. I have since tried to not let this bother me, but I can't shake the feeling that she wants more out of their friendship than he does. I have tried texting her when we are all out and ask if she wants to join. She will never text me back, but as soon as my husband sends her a text, she is all over it within no time. I grow to hate her more and more each day. What do I do? Help please.

Answer 1

Your husband NEEDS to handle this, and if he doesn't, you NEED to! The NEXT time she texts him, you need to pack your stuff, and leave.....bet they stop then!!

Answer 2

I am a married female with a best friend that is a man. The difference is that HE'S GAY!!! I've got a few guys that are friends but I share all conversations with my husband so there is no question as to what is going on, and I always make it clear that I share all conversations with him. Friends of the opposite sex don't talk all day every day and try to keep the other person out of the conversation unless there is something to hide. If you are married there is no reason that you shouldn't answer each others cell phones or look at text messages or just be able to talk about it without a fight. If my husband asked me about a conversation and I didn't feel comfortable telling him about it or just going to tell him that Mr. X called and this is what happened, then I have to stop and think why? I'd rather loose the friend (that is apparently looking for more) than my husband who is supposed to be honest and there for you - FOREVER!

Answer 3

This isn't complicated. You need to give your husband an ultimatum: Stop this "friendship" with this other woman, or you're leaving. Plain and simple. Asking him the age old question "If the roles were reversed" wouldn't be effective because he'd be "okay with it". Why? Because HE'S the one doing it now.

Drop the friendship with this other woman. Period. No need to explain why on that one.

Now, If he chooses you, you need to make it clear to him that he is to have NO contact with this woman. No phone, no emails, no texting, no nothing. And if you catch him doing it, you need to go ahead and leave. Don't tell him, "if I catch you I'm outta here" because you should leave anyway...if he continues to communicate with her, then it should be over.

If he chooses this other woman, it may hurt, but at least you know where you stand. And understand this: if he does choose this other woman, I can personally guarantee you that their realtionship will NOT be a healthy one. Relationships born out of infidelity (and the infidelity doesn't even have to involve sex) NEVER last...EVER. I've been in this business for over 5 years and I have yet to see one that does. I also know quite a few other therapists and most of them haven't either. The ones that do last are painful and bitter. So you can take solice in the fact that if he decides to jump ship, the relationship with either end badly, or continue on badly.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

I think this is a very serious problem. Not only because you hate her more each day, but this is not leting you go on with your life.She should not even text him at all because she knows that it bothers you so.Or what she wants is for you to leave your husband so she can be with him, because it's very clear that she wants something more that just a friendship. Be careful with her, and maybe you should put more attention to the needs of your husband so that he will not want to be texting your "friend" Maybe he likes her because she is willing to do anything for him, something that he might think you are not willing to do.Best of Luck, and remember that she might be trying to get you out of the way & DON'T LET HER!!!

Answer 5

I tend to believe that men and women can be friends. But in your case, this is not what is going on. Whether there is an actual affair or whatever is not the point. The fact is that they don't respect your feelings and they are actively pushing you out.

You are right to be upset. Draw the line...meet with them together if you like. Do what you like....but as a woman that believes that some things are not appropriate...I support your concern. Do something now before it destroys you and your marriage.

Answer 6

Throw the phone out! Now, let's see. Seriously. You have already expressed your concern and your husband doesn't see anything wrong with it. Now is the time to put your foot down, lay down the ultimatum, and have a girlie talk with the smooth texter. Give her the 411 on what you will not tolerate any more. This is how cheating starts. Good luck!

Answer 7

Wow...I hate to say this but this is an affair. Your husband is spending time with another woman. It may not be physical but it is emotional. And I am speaking from experience. My husband (we are separated now) used to call one of our friends all the time. They would have very long conversations on the phone. Yeah it bothered me very much! The green-eyed jealousy monster came out in me every time!!! I asked him to stop calling her because it made me feel bad. He thought I was overreacting to the situation. The woman he talked to was married but her husband did not have a very good "verbal" connection with her so she and my husband would hash out all the details of his/her days, etc. Things in my opinion she should be talking to her husband about and things my husband should be sharing with me. I think if your husband values his relationship with you and visa versa that he should stop!!! This is unhealthy for everyone. I would ask him to please stop as this is harming your relationship with him. He needs to make a decision, and then so will you. Good luck...

Answer 8

You are not over-reacting. Ask that your husband tells her to leave him alone. If he's not willing to do that - perhaps he's not that into your marriage. They text each other "all the time"? I don't care if it's your best buddy, your brother or your mom - grown adults just don't text each other "all the time", unless they are involved in a romantic relationship. Both of them are acting inappropriately.

Answer 9

this is highly inapproriate to say the least, they are each getting turned on, not saying they have had sex i am saying this is definitely turning them on and they do not care that it is disrespectful of you, your husband took vows to honor you as his wife and this is not honoring you, it is bringing you down and your marraige, of course you should be angry and hurt, forget her 'morals', she will continue to disrespect you, but go to her anyway directly at work --quietly, not raging---wait a few moments until she can talk, [not longer] tell her you will take measures to sue her for alliennation of affection in front of her co-workers, whats she's doing is not legal. [This is all about power] then go to a good attorney and not one who doesn't take it seriously some attorneys are lame. She can be sued. I would take it to her boss, they do not take to these issues very lightly- and she may get a warning.
Tell your husband you will pack his things and leave them outside and then do it, if he doesn't get the message now from you he will certainly continue this and it will escalate to meeting her for lunch or a drink, etc.
If you won't do that, have a non-related man you know come to your house and confront your husband, your husband is being spiteful and hurtful on purpose, this happened to my friend, she lost weight and couldn't eat or sleep. she got depresed and their marraige ended. She suffered very much, i witnessed her hysterics and crying at the other woman's apt. [to please respect her marraige] it did no good.
This is not 'love' from your husband, but mabey you can turn it around. he is being very mean and trying to make you feel in-secure. Please take matters into your own hands.

Answer 10

I do think Men and Women can be friends. On of my closest friends is a guy who is in a relationship with a women. With that said Watch you back. My Husband had a women "friend" who one night announced her love for him while drunk. He told me and said that he told her he did not feel the same. I put my trust in him and boy did I pay for it. I am now in the process of a divorce due to the fact that he wanted a separation and began living with his "Friend" within weeks of leaving me.

Answer 11

You are not over reacting.
I would take the cell away from him. Or "hide"/"loose" it.
THen text her claiming it's him and for her to meet him somewhere. WHen she sees you there instead, say, "Just kidding." Have about five other mutual friends there laughing at her. Nothing stops bad behavior faster than SOCIAL SHAMING.
Yes, there will be another huge fight. But who cares? He has his fun, you have yours.
Just laugh at them both.
Is it possible to get one common cell phone where you have open access to everything that goes on?
Why don't you get your own texting buddy and see how he likes it?