I need Mother in law help from only those of you who have time to hear me out.?

Question

I can't stand my mother in law, she is a 66-year-old needy, nosey, meddling person. She plays my husband against me by making comments to him about me or something I might have said or done. She calls my husband over for almost anything she can think of. Don't get me wrong, she's a fit, solid minded person who can sit up at the casino for 12 hours, walk 3 miles a day and so on! She has eight kids, but only 3 are boys. She feels her chores should be done by her boys because this is why she had boys. She will not allow any of the in-laws to help cut her grass, do her running, salt her walks, shovel her snow..... We live 1 hour away, so do the other two boys, all her daughters are married and live by her. She doesn’t like me cause my husband is her baby. We married after just 4 weeks. I already had a son when we married. Should I go on? Needless to say she thinks I am not worthy of her son although we have been married 10 years now. We fight constantly over her. I try to keep to myself but it’s so hard. One of his sisters is my very best friend and she doesn’t understand why her mother is this way to us either.

My husband thinks I am jealous, so if that's the case, how can I over come it and stopped feeling like I want to dig her eyes out every time my husband goes running? How can I deal with this with out getting a divorce????

Answer 1

hi, im so sorry you don't like your mother in law, but what daughter in law does? i don't!! mother in laws thinks that their sons are gods given gifts, and that NO girl is good enough!! i really don't think you should worry about it, you know your husband loves you, she knows her son loves you, and thats the problem,she thinks shes lost her sons love to another woman!! which is so silly i know, but thats what they are all like..my mum doesn't like my brothers wife, my mother in law doen't like me, my sister in law doesn't like her mother in law,and she doesn't like her!!! so you see it's all mothers with sons...don't take it personally, im sure your a very nice person,and your good to her son, but she will not see that, it's jealousy,from her to you...her son loves another woman!!! all us woman are in the same boat....try to be more happy that you are a threat to her!! your husband goes running to her whenever she snaps her fingers, because thats how shes brought him up,"im your mum, you only have one mum,do as i say" thats drummed in his head! from a very young age, so he will go running,,,just like my husband, but he runs for all his family, and there is alot of them,,i hate it as well, it makes you feel like we are nothing,,i don't care anymore, and i have been married for 4 years, as long as he looks after me and our baby daughter,who gives a damm!! take care, and don't worry. samantha.

Answer 2

Gosh do I feel for you! But I have been there and now I am married again and I am in the same boat except it is my husbands grown kids that are giving me fits.
In my first 11 year marriage, I had this problem. My mother in law was everything you are describing. It is so frustrating to deal with.
This is what I did and it worked because we are really good friends now!
I just faced her! I ignored everything that wasn't important and when I heard her say something, I faced her about the issue. I did this in a very calm and intelligent manner! I even enjoyed it and showed it all over my body language and face. Every time she would say something to put me down or blame me for something, I just faced her. Act like nothing bothers you. When possible, just put her in her place, in a calm and lady like manner. It will eat her up! I just had to do this because nothing else worked. I was so ate up with anger that I hated going to her house for holidays. I would try anything to get out of it. But, once I started blowing alot of her bull off and only addressed the really needed things, she seemed to gain an amount of respect that has just grown. Even to this day. My X mother in law and I have been divorced (LOL) for 4 years now and we are good friends! Just hang in there and if ya need some one on one talk, you just email me! I will do all I can to help! God Bless! Lisa [e-mail]

Oh, and tell your husband that when he got married, he cut the cord and now you are his main priority! He should be taken up for you or putting his mother in her place! Very True! But don't let his mother cause you to divorce! Just hang in there and don't take any crap from her! Remember this, if she wants her baby to be happy then she needs to let him be happy, not help him be miserable!

Answer 3

You get a divorce, she wins. You have been married for a long time, I wouldn't give up just yet. Tell your husband exactly how you feel. Her 'boys' should have done chores while they were BOYS, and should help her now of course, when they can. BUT, she can do all this other stuff herself, I definately see your problem. I would just try talking to my husband and tell him YOU need him too, and YOU are his family too. His wife should be his priority, then his mother.

Answer 4

You mother in law may be horrible but your problem is with your husband. You are his priority now and his mother falls to the back seat. Sounds like he needs to step up and be a husband and a MAN not a little boy. Maybe some marital therapy is needed. All further dealings with his mother should be done by him, once he is ready to stand his ground that is.

Answer 5

Been here! Your Mother-in-law is co-dependent on her sons and is going to try her best to stay their center. There is nothing you can do until your husband has enough,but here is a thought. Set one day a week where he will be available to take care of her needs,all day if necessary and you get to go out that day,all day if necessary! The rest of the week is for your family.with her having 3 sons there is nothing she will need with 3 days full of son-do's. A nice short call thru the week should be fine to just to check on her,but no running to her except that one day.

Answer 6

Sounds like your husband needs to cut the apron strings! He is in my opinion choosing his mother over you! Yes I know she gave him life but she does not own it. He sounds like a baby and needs to grow up and choose your side over hers. My husband is in his early 20's and he has chosen me since we have been together. If I have a problem with something his parents did I approach them and he backs me all the way. Sounds like the only time you will be rid of this horrible situation is when she is dead and even then maybe not and you would still have to watch what you say it might upset her little boy. Sorry to say but if this is the way your relationship has been this whole time it is just about hopeless I would have dropped him a long long time ago!

Answer 7

I had a terrible mother -in law once. We got in this big fight and did not talk for a couple of months, I would try to understand her. I know it's hard but, if you love your husband you will try. I made up with my mother- in law and we remained friends after I divorced her son. She found out I cared about her even after the divorce. and we still talk to this day.

Answer 8

If your fingernails are not long enough to dig her eyes out, grow them. What's the problem? Just kidding...Don't divorce your husband because his mom is wacky. He is in a tough position but he does need to take control. After 10 years of getting away with this crap she needs a very blunt statement like "leave us the hell alone" and the phone to be hung up on her. Good luck!

Answer 9

After ten years, you have let her walk all over you and your marriage, I am afraid there is no turning back the clock nor is there anything that you will do now that can fix this huge problem. Do NOT fight with your husband over her. When he goes over there, find something else to do! Take a walk, join a fitness club, and dont fret over him running to mama. You married the baby, and God help all us women who married the baby boy!

Answer 10

I feel for you.I have one of those monster in laws too.I had put up with mine for about 10 years before I snapped.My hubby and I love each other very much and we never ever uttered the D. word. No matter how mad we were at each other.But one day I found out about some crap his Mother was trying to pull.And I just lost it.When he came home that night I sat him down and told him that I was done.I loved him but I wouldn't put up with her anymore.I told him that I wanted a divorce because I couldn't deal with her.He looked into my eyes and started to cry and told me he was sorry.He said he could tell I wasn't kidding.Once he regained his composure.He called her and got onto her about all of the crap she was doing.It took him almost losing his family to realize just what kind of person she really was.But he got rid of her that day.It has been almost 7 wonderful years since I heard a peep out of the witch.Your hubby has to stand up for you.She won't listen if you try to talk to her yourself.She will just take everything you say to her and turn it around to make you out to be the bad guy.You need to make him understand that what she is doing is hurting your marriage.

Answer 11

Your husband should be more understanding and maybe distance himself a little from his mom. Maybe he just likes the attention he gets from his mother. I don't think there is any good solution, or maybe I just don't know what it is. It can't be a one-sided attempt to fix the problem, and it doesn't sound like his mom is going to change any time soon. Just my opinion, sorry I couldn't be of more help. You need to get some support from your husband though.