32 weeks pg with #2 and in a bad relationship, what should i do?

Question

I am currently 32 weeks pg w/#2 my daughter is 2. i have been w/ their father for almost 4years. he does not physically abuse me but he does emotionally (he doesn't even know he is 1/2 the time). I am completley sick of feeling like **** and having to do everything but i'm not sure what else to do. for the past 2 years he has only worked for 1month i have had to pay all the bills, clean, take care of daughter go to school and deal w/ being pregant (orginal plan was for him to work so i could finish school-i'll greaduate in april with a ba in psych/soc-no thanx to him). i have been telling him that once the baby comes i won't have a job that he needs to do something-nothing, it is still all on me. for the 1st year of my daughters life he had a really bad drug problem-which caused a lot of built-up anger, trust issues and problems b/w us. latley he keeps going on about not wanting kids or being ready for them (which hurts me-he acts like i got pg on purpose 1st was on bc 2nd stupidity

I love him and did want to be with him but he keeps hurting me and won't do anything for us. i know he is depressed lately, but he is not thinking baout me or the kids. I don't really have anywhere else to stay either unless i was to sleep on the basement floor of my aunt/uncles house. he says he loves us and when he does interact w/our daughter it is great. but there is so many times that he ignores us or says things to me that hurts me more than anything-i ask him to think about him talling the mother of his children that he doesn't want kids-he says he doesn't mean it like that its just hes ot ready but he has had almost 3 years now (9months preg w/ 1st daught and she is now 2 to get ready).
what should i do pack up and leave with no where to go or wait for him to come to terms with whatever it is that is making him act like this.

i feel like im in love w/ someone who will never love me as much. he gets mad and screams at me b/c his friends won't come over b/c i'm there or might come home b/c i might say something or yell -based on 1year ago when he was doing things he shouldn't been doing in our house with a child -what did they expect. he calls me names in front of our duaghter she is only 2 so she doesn't understand but repeats him and says momma sad.-it breaks my heart-to have her around this situation but i don't know what else to do. I keep thinking about giving the baby up for adoption just b/c I don’t want to bring a child into a situation like this but couldn’t stand the thought of someone else raising by baby-I know that wouldn’t fix anything but I feel like it is all getting to be to much for me and don’t want my children to suffer b/c of my poor choices. (my aunt/ mom said that adoption isn’t something to consider) i don't even like posting this b/c it is embarrassing

Answer 1

Sweetheart, you have been doing all by yourself for the longest, so getting rid of him will be easy. If anything he is just another bill and headache. Love will only do so much. I was in the same boat, minus the kids and when I got rid of my ex, I created a new life for me. You already know in your heart that you need to get rid of him, it's just the physical part that's gonna be hard.

You dont need to be stressed out esp. since you are bringing a new baby in the world. God has created a perfect man for you and if you pray and confess that you will receive him , you will. Congrats on your baby and I hope that you find happiness.

Answer 2

I'm really so sorry about you living with an irresponsible person. That's bad luck - or as you are saying - poor choice. I don't think things will change until he decides to take responsibility of his own life which I don't know if he'll really want to do. From your point of view, it's you who gets all the damage, although he might not agree with it. Best thing will be to give him an ultimatum - either he becomes part of the family with all the responsibilites, or he has to get out of it. But first, you have to think if that's what you really want, and then, you have to mean it, because if he gets with it, it won't change anything. I don't know if this is good advice because I don't know whose is the house where you live and if you are married and if there is somebody to help you with your two children. But when you think about it, your love for him hasn't changed him much till now so what are the chances that things will get better if you leave everything the way it is? And then, wouldn't it be just simpler and easier to be a single parent - you have been one for the last few years anyway with him doing basically nothing? Even if you decide to do nothing and give him some more time, then you'll have to accept the fact that you cannot change a person - only the person can change himself (or God, so it helps to pray). Then at least you will not have any expectations and will not feel disappointed when things happen the way you don't want them to happen.

Answer 3

I am a survivor of physical/mental abuse and have been out of that relationship for 2 1/2 years. We have three children together. I had him arrested when my youngest was only 4 mos old. I have no family where I live and I had to make it on my own. The first 6 months were very tough and I ended up attending a support group for battered women. The support and strength that I got from that group is something that I will be thankful for the rest of my life. It wasn't just women who had been physically abused either. The ratio was about 1/2 and 1/2. Emotional abuse is abuse! I got out of the relationship in part because I didn't want my daughters growing up thinking it was normal to be talked down to by their partners. A lot of the reason I had the nerve to report him was because I had gotten sick of it after 3 years. Unfortunately nobody but you can decide to make the break, but I highly recommend counseling and a support group. If you call a mental health clinic they should be able to refer you to a support group for women in your situation. Without the support I had received I would not have gotten away and I don't know if I would be here today. Stay strong and realize that you are not alone. Take care!

Answer 4

i think you have the right to stand up for yourself he has had moe than enough time to get some work even if its flipping burgers i mean why should you be expected to provide everything so he can be a cozy bum i think that you should move file for child support he will work or go to jail then. I know that you feel lost and lonely but while he may say i love you it doesnt seem that way a loving relationship has to have two people that love each other why stay with him if he calls you names and makes you feel like sh!t he seems to not recognize that he does this and he is apparently fried by the drugs he did do to the point that he still thinks he isnt ready to be a dad but you need to leave why should you show your daughter that its ok for a man to treat women this way because if you stay this cycle continues and she will grow up to be with a man just like her daddy in the fact that she thinks that i say mom with a man all these years and this is how all men are spose to treat women is that what you want for her, you want her to ber in your shoes when she is 20 pregnant and with a man who calls her a whore???While you may not have the best place to go it will be better then where you are now or wait until you graduate and the baby comes then after 6 weeks start looking for a job that you have earned from your schooling and you can find a great job that will pay you well and you can start over with your kids on your own and maybe you will find a guy who treats you like you should be treated but there is no reason for your man to treat you like garbage when you bust your pregnant azz day in and day out for the past 3 years that is just phucked up so go on leave the bum graduate and enjoy life

Answer 5

If at all possible I would make arrangements to get out or remove him.The mental abuse is not good for you or your daughter as well as your unborn child which these things could have a life long impression on you and your 2 children and it does not sound like it would be a good impression.I have been where you are only 1 child involved and I know it's hard to listen to and it's not really the answer you are looking for either .This man HAS got to change NOW or he has to go.Some men are just natural wussess and they don't mind plugging you but when the babies start coming they are often overwhelmed by the responsibility they face.I wish I could hug you now you need a hug butmaybe you have a friend close by you can talk to or your mom she is the best one in the whole world to help you with these things.I know how easy it is to love someone and be unsure what you need to do but for the sake of both of your kids please think about how this will affect them and your daughter will grow up and sadly want to be with this same kinda guy and think of your feelings right now is that a feeling you would EVER want you daughter to feel,that's the way you have to look at this,their life will be imulated by you and your actions So please think and act and hey it's ok to love him we can't help who we love but we can help who we love more a man or our kids.I wish you luck and try to not get sooo upset remove yourself from the problem or remove the prblem from your life and don't think there won't be another man I was single w/ 2 kids and met the best man who took us in and loves me and my girls as if they were his own ,he takes cae of me and he's the very best any woman could ever want and need in her life.Take care of yourself and your daughter and I hope your delivery goes well and you can figure out what to do

Answer 6

My first reaction is to tell you to leave him but I can understand wanting to keep your family together and work things out. I do believe people can change if they're motivated. My husband is a hard worker and a pretty good father but we went through a time when our kids were babies that he was drinking a lot and resented me for not working outside the home. I left for a short time and he was so stunned, he started going to AA and since then, things are better...not perfect but better. Maybe a good scare is what he needs. He is taking you for granted because he knows how much you love him. He has come to believe you will always be there no matter what. Show him that if you need to, you can be strong for yourself and your kids and leave. If it's meant to be, he'll get the halp he needs and you'll get back together. If not, you are probably better off without him. Good luck.

Answer 7

Sounds like you really need to get out of this situation. You DO NOT deserve to be treated like this. You sound like a wonderful person and he needs some serious help. Having him around is not going to help you and your babies. I would NOT consider giving the baby up because you obviously love this child and why should you sacrifice giving up the baby because he is a jerk. I think you would regret giving the baby up. Try to find someone to stay with until he decides to grow up. I know it will be hard but it is the best thing for you and your kids. I wish you the BEST of luck!!

Answer 8

Honey, it sounds to me that you need to get rid of this loser. No woman should ever put up with that kind of crap. You have to realize that you are too good for him, and he is doing nothing but bringing you down with him. Yes, you have a child together and another on the way, but if you can't leave him for yourself do it for your kids. They are # 1, and always will and should be. There are plenty of other men out there. He is obviously not ready for kids he keeps telling you that. And frankly it's too late for all that mumbo jumbo, but it's never to late to pack your things and get out. There are lots of agencies and places that will help you being a single mom and pregnant. Check with your local department of social services. They can really help you to get on your feet, wether it be a place to live to food in your house. You'll get by. And you will be happier. Be strong for yourself and the babies. Don't let him bring you down anymore, take your life back. Trust me... your kids will thank you for it. I hope I've helped in some way sweetie. Take care of yourself.

Answer 9

Life is too short to sit and wait for him to figure it out. All this unhappiness and stress is going to be what your children see and feel.
It is incredibly hard to think about doing it on your own... but it sounds like you already do!!

Maybe some time away from each other will make him realize that he needs to make a decision.

Good Luck.

Answer 10

You should pack your things and leave. Don't stay because you feel sorry for the guy. Do what's best for you and your children.