We have been married seven years, he is 43. Within the last year, he has taken up learning the guitar, smoking pot several times a week, and has made himself a "den" to retreat to. It's not that we are not welcome there, but he spends alot of weekend time there by himself.
Today he told me that he is thinking about taking the gray out of his hair. He's been graying since his late twenties,and is mostly gray now, but his hair is still very thick.
He seems to be retreating into his own world, or maybe he's depressed?
2007-02-26
06:43:02
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18 answers
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asked by
Geronimo5
3
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wouldn't mind finding new hobbies myself, but we have a six year old daughter who wants to hang around with me when I'm home, and I don't get much free time.
2007-02-26
08:02:41 ·
update #1
Your husband sounds a lot like me. I can not believe that my wife is jealous of the piano I am trying to learn to play, or the weights I have started to lift.
One day I woke and I was an out of shape middle aged man. Problem is I am not ready to be an old guy yet. So I have been eating healthier and working out three days a week for almost a year now.
And after saying to myself and others for most of my life that one day I would learn to play the piano I finally am.
I wish she would be my friend and come along with me instead of resenting everything I am trying to do. She acts like my trying to better myself is anti us.
2007-02-26 07:38:30
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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Mid-life crisis-yes probably. Although most of the things you are talking about seem harmless. Except for the pot smoking. My husbands mid-life crisis led to our marriage ending after 22 years. His choices were very different than your husbands, however. He chose a new woman at 42 instead of retreating into his "own thing". I think there is more to mid-life for men than any of us women understand. Hopefully you can find time to do things together. I would be concerned about too much time apart it isn't good for the relationship. Have date nights, carpet picnics, go for walks, anything you enjoy together. Marriages are precious and need to be nurtured. Good luck as I know from experience this can be a very trying time in a mans life and in a marriage.
2007-02-26 07:02:36
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answer #2
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answered by just breathing 1
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He could be going through a mid life crisis. Some men go through it at various ages. My dad just started going through his and he's 52.
How old are your kids, if you have any? If they are out of the house, he is probably confused of what to do with himself now they're not there. Or even if they are just older now. He may not know what to do with his time and energy. He's so used to looking after them for so long.
I suggest you take a trip to his "den" with him and have a chit chat. Explain to him your concerns and what's been bothering him lately. Ask him if he wants to talk about whatever it is that's making him change.
I hope this helped and wish ya the best! ♥
2007-02-26 06:47:53
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answer #3
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answered by ♥LadyC♥ 6
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Ha, ha, ha, ha (sorry)
We all go through a mid life crisis (LOL)
Some men buy sport cars, some (including myself) touch up the grey (which I had in my early 20's as well)
He's playing guitar I took up piano.
He shouldn't be smoking weed (that's just stupid). The alone time is fine as long as you don't feel neglected.
As long as you don't give him the opportunity to be with other women (try showing him affection etc) he should be fine. Most of us came out without a scratch.
It is imporatnt to talk to him and get him to laugh. Get out on the weekend even if it's in town, go to a hotel. One thing about a mid life crisis is that it peaks sexual activity and he needs a place to release some of it
Good luck and happy hunting
2007-02-26 06:51:38
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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Maybe ask him. This might be a good time to take a trip somewhere and re connect. It's pretty normal for some people to feel a little unfulfilled around that age. Show him he's living life to it's fullest. Do something out of the ordinary to show him his life is not a rut.
2007-02-26 06:46:39
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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It's hard for anyone to say what he is going through besides him--I wouldn't worry about it unless his new behaviors are interfering with the good things in his life and he is unhappy. Hopefully he is still spending time with you and you guys still have a good time. It's ok to want to be by yourself sometimes. I think it's great he is learning guitar-- what bothers me more is when people say they are too old to learn anything new. As far as changing his hair color, alot of folks prefer no gray and work hard to keep it any color but gray. And concerning the smoking pot, a lot of people do that as well and function fine-- it isn't necessarily a problem as long as it doesn't interfere with other things in his life that he wants to keep. That's my two cents.
2007-02-26 07:02:14
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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Could be either. Have you tried talking to him about this? The hair dying thing makes me think he could be going through a mid-life crisis....
Just keep your eyes and ears peeled.
2007-02-26 06:50:23
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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mid life and maybe some depression to go with it.
I struggled with depression when I turned 40. Keep talking, and he may work thru it on his own
If not, maybe suggest /seek professional help.
Adjusting to life after 40 is natural, as long as he doesn't continue to shut you out of his life. Be patient, but keep an loving eye out.
Good luck
2007-02-26 06:49:19
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answer #8
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answered by what's up? 6
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help him dye his hair, could be fun. He is going thru a couple of things that he might want you around for or not. le him make all the choices, don't try to win a fight. Think about it as a little man syndrome. Just look back and laugh at it.
2007-02-26 06:48:46
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answer #9
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answered by ERICKSMAMA 5
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He is trying to change himself, perhaps for the better. The midlife crisis myth is BS because I believe its the period in a man's life when he finally, finally figures everything out....that everything he's done leading up to now is all pointless, so why not live and love freely and **** what everyone else thinks. At least thats my theory.
2007-02-26 06:49:28
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answer #10
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answered by Mike 4
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