How to stop blaming myself for the break up?

Question

I need to get over my jerk of an ex.. yet I can't. I keep thinking of what I did and blaming myself/hating myself for the way I acted sometimes, yet all I remember about him was how "great" he was to me, even though deep down I know that's not true. Someone please tell me something encouraging so I'll get over him and stop hating me. Please.

Actually, neither of us did anything major (i.e., cheating), it was just small stuff to hurt each other and it went back and forth. It has only been 3 months and we were together for 4 years though. Its just really difficult right now.

Answer 1

It's easy to recognize the positive things when he isn't around anymore, but if you blame yourself for the breakup you won't move on and you will always wonder. instead if you move on and don't dwell on the past just use it as a lesson learned then you can benfit yourself more than you think. I assure you he won't be the last one to want to be with you. there are billions of people out there. Take a look

Answer 2

Try to just think that you two were just not meant to be. Don't hate yourself for things not working out. Just remember that at one point it was right, but now things have changed to where it just couldn't anymore. There is a reason as to why you 2 are not together, and just focus on the fact that you 2 could no longer progress any further in the relationship. Dont hate yourself, you are doing the both of you a favor by allowing the two of you find a growing and healthier relationship

Answer 3

How long have you been broken up?

I'm guessing it hasn't been very long.

You will go through the period where you feel like you're obsessing. He will be on your thoughts. You will wonder if you did the right thing. Can you do better?

Of course you can! You will realize that. It'll just take time. If he was the one for you then you wouldn't have broken up with him in the first place! It's just hard to not have someone in your life when you've grown so used to having them in your life whether it was for the better or worse.

Just cry it out. Think it over. Write about it. Listen to sappy love songs. Get this out of your system and when it's done and over, I promise it will be done, you'll be a better person for it.

Answer 4

Do things that you enjoy. Not things that would remind you of what you used to do with him or anything like that but just go and do what you enjoy doing. Dont forget your friends though they are the ones that can help you get through anything and then after that just go ahead and move on. I know it's difficult and hard but you cant think of him as much as you would like to a jerk will always be a jerk they will never change their ways as much as we would all like them too that just doesnt happen. Its just better to move on and let things go because if you dont things will just get worse and you dont want that. Have fun and get him off of your mind.

Answer 5

tell yourself that you did the best you were capable of doing, at the time,,,,,, and remind yourself if you had seen any mistakes you were making, back then, you most likely would of tried to correct them then. its easy to start seeing the problems as all your fault,,,,,, you really will have to remind you self of the times he was a jerk, when he made you feel bad

if you need to, write a journal,,,,,, about your relationship,,,, start at the beginning, list things that went on,,,,,, list your feelings, not the ones you have now or how you feel about what you did,,,,,, but the actual feelings you had then,,,,,, list good points about yourself and bad,,,, and do the same with him,,,,,,,,, that way, maybe you can get an overall view about it,,,,, were you maybe reacting,,, to what he did/how he treated you,,,,, rather then acting? i know i did that in my past relationship!
if you feel you would act differently now, there must of been something causing you to act as you did then,,,,,,, it could of part been him,,,,, part you,,,,, or maybe you were doing fine then,,, and now are just looking at what you might could of done to make him happy,,, rather then find maturity and happiness for yourself ,,,,which is what you should do

Answer 6

You'll always have regrets, and they'll be tied to the good times. It's important to remember the bad times, too, and the reasons you're not together. Every time you get sad about a good time, replace it with a thought of one of the worst things he did, and it'll stop the sad memory in it's tracks.

I divorced my husband because he was emotionally cruel to my children, and way to strict and controlling. He's been so nice lately, and is constantly trying to get me back. But every time I start to enjoy his attention, I force myself to remember how he told the kids they were lazy, called my daughter a pig anytime she opened the refrigerator, and was so critical of my son that I had to take him to a psychiatrist for depression. Boy, does that put an end to those good thoughts, and quick!

Answer 7

You must remeber 1 important thing IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT if you keep thinking this you will be unhappy for a very long time your right you said it yourself "jerk of an ex" right now you are making him happy because he wants you to be miserable. You must not give in to it that easy there are wonderful men then there are complete jerks it just takes time to see who they really are under their game.

Answer 8

One word: forgiveness - for him and for yourself.
You were not perfect and neither was he, all of which is in the past. There is not one thing that you can change about any of those decisions.

Here's how you will know: Quit calling him a jerk and quit blaming yourself for the mistakes. Both of those actions lead to bitterness and neither one produces healing.

It is important to remember that your ex feels not one bit of your emotional pain.

Answer 9

You just hung up on what could have been. DID THAT! You really need to distract yourself. Take a class, go out with friends, go see a flick, date someone new. Whatever it takes. Chances are if he was a jerk, it was NOT your fault. Good luck, sweets!

Answer 10

What i did.. : took a night off with a bottle a vodka..cried, listened to music, got really drunk and in the morning i was so wasted and i had this terrible headache and i thought to myself: wtf, no man deserves to make me feel this miserable. If this doesnt work, the best way to get over a man is a to get under a new one..:) Good luck..:)