What's wrong with me and my additude about my marriage?

Question

I have a husband that would do anything for me as far as help clean up, run out in a storm and get things for me, understands my moods and copes nicely with it....stuff like that. However, he has no ambition to better himself, he doesn't like to socialize, he wont fix anything, he always naps and watches sports. He talks about the same stuff over and over. We hardly ever go out. He claims to be this strong Christian that doesn't need people out there to bring him down yet he never goes to church. He's an emotional person so he cries a lot when I get too frustrated with him. He literally drives me crazy. What are your thoughts on this?

Answer 1

You've got a man that would do anything for you, yet you still find fault with him. He's NOT perfect, but he could be a lot worse. Maybe you need to be a little more supportive of him, and understanding of him. Until you walk a mile in his shoes, you don't know what kind of personal "demons" he is doing battles with. He might be depressed, going through a mid-life crisis, or a number of other things. Be a little sympathetic......could do wonders for your marriage!

Answer 2

Has he always been like this? Even before you got married? If yes then why'd you marry him???

Talk to your husband about what you want from this marriage. Maybe you guys can agree to going out more together as a couple to parties and dinners.

If he is extremely emotional and his habits have changed maybe he is suffering from depression. MAybe consider some counseling to get the two of you on the same path.

By the way trying to change someone who loves watching sports will just make that person miserable. Let the man watch his sports :)

Answer 3

My husband and I have a christian marriage for 7 years now. It's our experience that husbands and wives tend to mirror one another.

Are you getting out, going to church, doing things to improve yourself? or are you waiting on him to come with you?

I'm in my office at the moments so I don't have the exact title but there is a book I got as a wedding present from focus on the family about boosting your spouces self-esteem that might be worth your investigation. He also may be depressed. Or there could be some kind of wound inflicted upon him by someone in the church (happened to both my parents) this can take a long time to get over.

He may be driving you crazy but it sounds like he's generally a good husband. Hang in there. Get yourself out there and get active in the Church. Maybe a few TV dinners because your off cooking for the church's kitchen ministry will encourage him;)

Answer 4

It sounds like you're focusing a lot on the wrong things. Try thinking about what's important to the long term stability of your marriage. Is sending him out to socialize really going to be good for your marriage?

Also, keep in mind, change isn't always good. If he changes, you never know what other changes are going to come with the changes you want. Take, for example, my grandfather. He was a total stick in the mud. He wouldn't do anything excpt work and sleep, until my grandmother finally convinced him to start going to social events after their second child was born. It was at these social events that he started drinking... and he never stopped. He drank himself to death. (Well, sort of... it's a long story.) He went from a loving, caring, faithful husband to a drunk, abusive, cheating man over the course of 11 months. So be very careful when you start wishing for changes. The more you wish for it... the more likely you are to get it... and the less likely you'll be able to take it back.

Answer 5

Has he changed from when you married him? It sounds like he is a home body and likes it that way. If you are not happy with your life together than you need to talk to him about creating some new habits as a couple.

If you simply pick on him for his habits that you do not like, you are just going to upset him. You have to work together to find some fun things to do together.

As far as repeating the same stories, he will always do that. Give him some new stories to tell, by adding some activities for the both of you. Those activities do not have to include socializing, but an occasional social activity is good for both of you.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 6

Marriage ,like any relationship, has to be worked on and developed.

I'm going to state my opinion in a way thats common sense and not from a male-perspective or any religoius view-point.

It seems to me your husband is a decent person, who helps u, understands u and is considerate of different humours etc. I feel your marriage is strong.

If as u say he doesn't seem motivated at work or social outings and is sleeping and just watching tv, is it possible he may be depressed? even in a mild form? and possibly doesnt know?

This is what I thought, and moreso when I read about the crying, I know as I can sometimes tend to feel like that too.
So maybe he should talk to his doctor if u can convince him.

Some partners drink, do drugs, gamble, steal, cheat on their spouse, even beat their spouse so I think u are very lucky to have a decent loving husband and I feel anyone that advices u to drop him etc is talking crap!

Maybe he's not feeling great..see if u can get him to talk and open up..maybe talk to a doctor..maybe physically he is unwell, sometimes an under or over active thyroid can make people lethargic.

Explain you'd like to go out and socialise more as a couple etc..Im sure everything will be ok!
Good luck
Paul

Answer 7

Sorry, but he sounds like a Jellyfish to me. Also sounds like he has some serious issues perhaps depression. Maybe he needs some medical help, therapy, or meds. What about a physical outlet for him?

I am a little confused though, in the beginning of your statement, you say he understands your moods and copes nicely with them, yet in the end you say he cries a lot when you get frustrated with him. These two things sound like polar opposites to me........
Is he dealing with your emotions or issues better than his own? I am not sure what to make of this, perhaps some more background info would be necessary. Sorry, but it sounds like your marriage is in trouble. Good Luck.

Answer 8

He sounds like he has depression issues. He may never be the handy man type. Mine isn't but that's ok. In fact, my Husband always trys to better himself and works hard to provide. But he can drink beer, sit in front of the tube, and take lengthy naps when he's not traveling for work. I am a Christian, I go to church, alone, he is now coming around. You can't wait for him to change he needs a reason, it might be because you are a great example in his life. That is what I have done. I was tired of sleeping with him, overeating, and not caring equally. I changed and it has helped him to change too. Instead of laying around, he goes and plays basketball and has found church nisn't so bad. I have a Husband that wnats to please me, too. You have to direct him towards the positive through again, example.
Be that example. Be that light for him, for you.

Good Luck, friend.

Answer 9

For better or worse, right? No one is perfect, focus on the good things....you are a lucky woman who has a guy who is willing to run out in a storm to get things for you (my guy does that too).

Your husband has so many wonderful qualities....by the way, he doesn't need to go to church to be a christian.

You may need to make plans for the both of you, maybe once a week....make reservations somewhere and surprise him. He probably needs a little pampering himself.

Answer 10

None of this is new to you.

You knew he was this way when you married him.

So why did you marry him? What - you thought the crying was cute then?

Get over the idea that he is going to change for you and your amazing love. He isn't going to change for you or anyone else. Trying to change him will cause about 5 decades of conflict between you. He'll hiss your name between his teeth when you aren't around if you start demanding he 'change'.

Either accept what you married knowing full well what he was like - for better or for worse springs to mind - or tell him he's making you insane and get divorced. There is that 3rd alternative women love of taking on a project and trying to get the guy to change, but it's an awful way to live.

By the way, what is it about you that drives *him* crazy?

Maybe spend some time working on those things. Kind of focus on your own imperfections rather than obsessing on his.