She was involved in a break up last July. Since then, she's been seeing/dating various men. Many of them have been to her house for her 15 year old son to meet. I feel that it is not healthy for the son to meet a variety of men, who are not around after 2 dates. Also, my friend, who is 51 goes out to clubs at least once a week, leaving the son home alone. She rarely cooks, the son eats fast food most of the time. I want to diplomatically tell her my feelings without hurting hers. We have been friends for more than 40 years. Please advise. Thank you.
2007-02-26 05:59:45 · 7 answers · asked by sfmismee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You cant. She will get mad and never talk to you again. If you are a good friend, that is a chance you will take. Warning her what she is doing is wrong will be better in the long run. Maybe not now.. but years down the road she will talk with you again. And if she accepts it gracefully... AWESOME.. but dont count on it.
2007-02-26 06:05:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure if you tell her that "she is not a good parent" that friendship is gonna do down the drain. First off.......you need to give her credit for anything good that she might be doing right now. The thing is a break up is never an easy situation. Instead of "feeling the pain" alot of people, men/women will try to distract themselves from the pain with behaviours such as this. So try not to judge her, she is hurting more than you think.
What you need to do is tell her how much you care about her. Let her know that you will be there for her but you have some concerns right now. Tell her that her son is hurting/will be hurt because of the decisions that she is making right now etc. That way she'll open up and talk. Try not to sound judgemental pls.
2007-02-26 06:08:52 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Mandeville 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who are you to judge whether your "friend" is a good mother or not. Based on the scant details you have revealed, I see nothing horrible going on. A fifteen year old boy is certainly capable of fixing his own meals when necessary; he's not a baby. And what is wrong with a 51 year old single mom going out to a club once a week. Unless you spend 24 hours a day in the household, I fail to see how you are able to judge whether your friend is meeting her son's emotional needs. Is he failing in school? That might be a signal. But if he seems to be doing well, mind your own business. Are you jealous?
2007-02-26 06:35:22 · answer #3 · answered by Nefertiti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your place to tell your friend that YOU think she's a bad parent. I think if you even bring it up gently that she needs to chill on the boy meeting her dates, she's gonna get angry and you might lose a friend.
Instead of judging her, give her support emotionally and with her son. She's obviously still hurt by the breakup, and she may be depressed. If you really feel this is a bad situation, take her out for lunch and ask her what is going on and how you can help her. Never, EVER tell her she's a bad parent.
2007-02-26 06:06:11 · answer #4 · answered by scarfyrre 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's really going to depend on a few things.....
How strong is your friendship?
How well does she take criticism?
How willing are you to loose her as a friend?
>IF< your friendship is strong, and >IF< she can take criticism well(or well enough), and >IF< you are willing to risk loosing her as a friend....Well then you need to just sit down and have a talk about it......
Be diplomatic.."You and I have been friends for "X" years, I care about you and your son "X", but I really need to talk to you about some things that have been on my mind for some time now."
Go on and >Gently< explain your concerns. Maybe get her a book on the subject?!? (Dr. Laura has several that I would highly recommend) to give her better ways/ideas on how to "Fix" what is wrong.
>BE ADVISED!<
Some people >DO NOT< respond well to such talks, friendly or not......You need to be the judge on how/if/when these talks should happen...or if they should at all.
Best of Luck!
T.S.
2007-02-26 06:13:26 · answer #5 · answered by electronic_dad 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she seems to be going through a reckless phase, no doubt trying to mask deeper feelings by piling up new experiences and men.
she should be more concerned for her son right now... i would say, if you know her son well, ask him how he feels before you assume the worst. but if you think that this is going behind her back and stuff, then maybe you could just mention it to her once and see how she responds. make it about yourself -- "i'm concerned.." instead of about her -- "what you're doing .." because then she'll get defensive...
she's an adult, hopefully she'll be able to put her pride behind her and think about your words...
2007-02-26 06:07:27 · answer #6 · answered by M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
report here to child walfare or just say your a rubbish mother
2007-02-26 06:10:20 · answer #7 · answered by yahooisawastofspaceremoveme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋