please answer this as best you can and with honesty.......?

Question

hubby cheated my heart broke he has moved on its almost been a year ..a week after we broke up he moved in with the gilr he cheated with....i know it doesnt make a difference but she is 21 he is 42.....im heart sick as to why this happen i thought us happy....now i just feel a fool and im all alone....we have 4 children together and were married 20 plus years....after he broke my heart by leaving he has said mean hurtful things about me to our children as well as to me .....how can this man who i thought i knew act this way he knows he broke my heart and yet still inflicts pain.........does he have no guilt nor remorse.......and if not how......and how did i get to be this vile person he seems to think i am now....he acts like we never had a history....please help

Answer 1

First I would show him just how vile I could be, namely hit where it hurts, his money. Then I would try my best to move on from all of it. It hurts I am sure, but we are never given more then we can handle. It seems like you are looking for answers that you will never get. We never know why others do the things they do, but obviously it is him, and not you. The reason he wants ignore it all and say vile things is so he can sleep at night. Keep your head up, and take it one day at a time.

Answer 2

The exact thing happened to me about 10 years ago, only we had 3 children and it was only after 5 years a marrige. First of all I am so sorry for what you are going through, I remember I was in this wierd daze for a while were I felt like life nor I were real, the only thing I could truly identify with was anguish. Now this may sound a little bizare but honestly I will never forget this day for the rest of my life, I got on my knees and I started to pray and I said, God please don't make me go through this , I can't do it, I am not strong enough. at the time I was kneeling by a king size water bed and the strangest feeling came over me, I felt this unbelievable peace surge through me and when I looked at the bed I felt like I could have picked it up with one hand. I believe this was Gods way of communicating strenth to me. From that day on the pain was tolerable and shortly after was little more than a nusence.PRAY, PRAY, PRAY.GOD IS THE SOLE PROVIDER OF YOUR GOOD FORTUNE. Since then I went to college, got custody of my child from that marrige, met a wonderful woman and we just had a beautiful baby girl, as for my ex wife, we are friends and from time to time she tells me that letting go was the biggest mistake she ever made. You will be fine and this experience will build character.

Answer 3

Madam.....my deepest sympathy. Sadly it appears that unbeknownst to you you've been married to a jerk for two decades.
Um....have you hit him for child support and did you clean house in the divorce case. This is probably the reason why he's treating you the way he is. Some men have terribly bruised egos. Oh I'm sure him being able to knock off a piece or two from a 21 year old is good for his ego. Of course losing your best friend of 20 years, your property and part of your salary because you thought with your hormones instead of your brain is a terrible blow to dummies like your soon to be ex husband.
Oh..and really my dear lady. Do you honsetly think that any 21 year old, gum chewing, Brittany Spears listening chippie is going to hang out for any great length of time with him? No. It rarely happens to turn out any other way than her giving him the heave-ho. If this occurs soon...guess where he's going to make a bee-line to? So...even though this may not happen, have a contingency plan ready to put into effect.
I guess the real issue is that he's doing what he's doing because you have shown yourself to be the better person. When someone gets angry..and usually it's because they've screwed themselves over and can't be angry with themselves, they lash out at those closest to them. hence the reason you're getting this aggravation from him.
He's no man if he acts like this. Its childish and immature. Quite frankly it seems to me you're bettr off without him.
Also, don't think you're alone and on your own forever. I suspect you have exceptional qualities that may men would find attractive. I don't mean physical characteristics either. personality is everything. mark my words...you hook up with another man and watch how lousy he gets. Why? because he can't bear to see you happy if he isn't.

So good luck and hope everything works out. I'm sure it will.

Answer 4

First of all the courts can order that he not say derogatory things about you to your children. If you haven't filed for divorce or child support, do so now and have them incorporate this language in the order. Next, this is not a reflection on you. You must realize he is having a mid-life crisis and after she has been with him for awhile she will see him for what he is - a much older man. And she will do to him what he has done to you (leave). In the meantime you need to have a good talk with your children that your separation is between their father and you and he is not being very mature and adult by saying mean things. Tell them you understand that it puts them in a miserable position and they don't have to listen to it, they can say "Dad, please don't talk like that about our mother." As you are still their mother, even though you are not his wife. Depending on how old the kids are, they can opt to not see him if he continues to put them in such a difficult position (in most states the age is 12 for when children have some say in visitation and custody issues). Good luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 5

Wow I had almost the same thing happen to me, except he had a baby with the girl, and we only have one son, we were married for 13 years, but before he got her pregnant I rented a trailer, packed my stuff and my son and I took off, out of state ,stayed with my family for a month, got a job and then on my own I have been ever since ,it's not easy but I had to do it for my own sanity.And I did it and you can too.Or file for child support, child abandonment, file for food stamps and daycare.He will not have much money left after paying child support, get a lawyer do something ,do not sit around and wait for this guy while he is out having his fun!!!!

Answer 6

He is an a--. He is also kidding himself if he thinks he can keep up with a 21 year old sit still sweetie what goes around will come around on him and you can sit back and laugh your head off. Don't worry yourself about what he thinks or feels obviously he does little of either one. Regroup take care of yourself and your kids and never give him the time of day again. Hre doesn't deserve it.

Answer 7

I's nothing you did...he sounds like he is just very selfish and doesn't care about anyone else's feelings. As long as he's happy he thinks that's all that matters. I'm sorry that you are hurt. I know there's really nothing I can say that will help you feel better, but I guess for now just try to keep your focus on your kids and being a good mom...and time is the best healer there is. You can get thru this...I'm sure there are many other guys who would love to have you as their companion and you would make them very happy. Just try to stay posiive and things will get better.

Answer 8

America's dirty liittle secret is "nagging". We can talk about all the things men do to lower interest in their mates to justify the bad things women do to men when a relationship turns dysfunctional (it takes two to make a dysfunctional relationship), but we can't talk about what women do to men to make them dred coming home.

Well, it's time to clear the air: both partners deserve respect, affection and a little romance in a relationship, and they should demand it. Because when it's missing and they don't set boundaries, they usually act like children, and this crap happens.

Answer 9

Mam, this might be more than you can handle "on your own". I think you need to talk to a professional. It's normal to be devastated, but after a year, you should have moved on more than you have. This is taking it's toll on you, both mentally and physically. I went through basically the same thing, and unless you're really strong, it's going to be impossible to do it all alone. I think you need to talk to a Doctor, or somebody that can HELP. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Get him for all the child support and alimony that you can and divorce him on the grounds of infidelity. You will eventually find somebody that you care for and believe me, it won't be too long that this girl is going to break his heart and he is going to come running back to you. He is a jerk and he does not deserve you. My ex-husband used to say and do "hurtful" things and I can sympathize with you. It's only to bring your self-esteem down and don't let him do that.