help drunken father abandons child!!!!?

Question

My on/off patner has once again walked out on me and our 14 month son. Hes an alcholic whos ok 4 a bit but then he starts drinking and he loses the plot. Each time i take him back and he does it again. This time i have realised that i do love hime but i cant put up with this anymore. Part of me wants him back but part of me says to hell with him. I cant understsnd how someone can walk away from their child. He has 2 other children that he doesnt bother with. When he is sober he is a great father. I dont know what to do and would like some help from people that have been in a similair situation.

Answer 1

You cannot reason with a drunk if he has other kids with someone else and doesn't care none about them what makes you so sure he cares about yours, you need to leave that man alone he will drag you down, find someone else that will love you and your son instead of loving his bottle of booze above all else

Answer 2

Unless he gets serious about recovery - this cycle will keep happening and I bet you'll have kid #3 and he'll have a few more kids after you. If someone allows drinking to dictate their whole life, they will have the good/bad cycle forever. Probably will lose everything a few times, and will generally lose every person who cares for them. Alcoholics cannot cure themselves - I'm sure there are some people who can - but for the most part, they require support groups, AA meetings, and therapy. It's a major life change to quit drinking. Sorry to say, you are better off without him. If he gets the help he needs, then by all means support him and hopefully you'll have a great life - if not, do the best for your son and yourself. You don't need any more problems. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I myself am an alcoholic and know how hard it is to stay sober. Having said that if I had a partner kids then I would have a lot more reasons to stay sober. It's a shame that he is willing to throw away the love of a family just to start drinking again. You were right to take him back the first time as we all can make mistakes, God knows I have made mistakes, but you can't just be his safety net. If I were you then I would not take him back again. Perhaps he may one day change his ways for good but until then it is better for you and your son if he is out of your lives.

Answer 4

I've never been in that situation but just read what you wrote back to yourself. It seems you've already made up your mind. You say you can't be with him anymore so why are you? Is he sober enough to be a good father, because what that baby needs is someone who's going to be there all the time not some of the time. If you don't want to leave him than talk to him and let him know who you feel. If he loves you he'll easy up on his drinking and if not drop him. You and your baby deserve better than that.

Answer 5

My fella had a similar problem with his ex-wife who was an alcoholic. After 6 years together and a child together he couldn't cope as she was drunk 24/7 so he threw her out. She hasn't bothered with the kids (he has custordy of her other daughter too who isn't his) for over a year (nothing at Birthday or Christmas). The kids (2 and 8) don't even mention her, the elsdest hates her.

My fella went through hell, but now his life is back on track and the kids are settled and happy so sometimes it is better for the kids to take them out of such an alcoholic lifestyle

Answer 6

I grew up with a father who had a drinking problem,and I can tell you-it seriously scarred me. Your beautiful son deserves someone who is there for him 100%-not just during sober moments-and the so do you. Please don't take this man back-no matter what he says-because you know that you will end up right back right where you are today again. Cut the ties,take time to build up your confidence and enjoy life without the restraints of being held back by an alcoholic. In time,when you're ready to date,you'll find someone who will love you and your son-and be a much better role model for your son to look up too.

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear about this. It must be very troubling for you as well as your son. As good as a father he may be when he is sober, that means very little if he is walking out on his children. An unfortunate thing is that there is really nothing more you can do. It is ultimately up to him to deal with his drinking. We often teather ourselves to sinking ships. It is tragic that your son and two other childrens are inextricably affected by his selfishness. My advice would be to seek support. Try ALANON, which is a support group for those who are affected by a family member's drinking. Speak to a lawyer if you can afford one as well as a social services agency to see if there is any way you can procede against his possessions. Afterall, you are bearing a financial burden by him. Mostly, be fair to yourself and understand it is untimately his decision to stop drinking. Good luck, God Bless.

Answer 8

my situation was i was the kid.my dad was a drinker,womanizer,and and at 65 still doing drugs.my mother raised me a single parent w/ out child support.and when dad was around sure things would be fine for awhile but then he would run up bills mom had no idea existed.any way who knows what goes on their heads other than they are who they are and unless they get help will not change,no matter how much we love them.my advice is let him go honestly if he doesn't bother w/ his other two why would your child be any different? and you would only hurt yourself nd your child.his only love right now is his booze that is all he cares about see if he is willing to go into rehab then support him in his progress or just let him go !good luck!my heart goes out to you.

Answer 9

Hun let me tell you my story about my dad now he was an OK father he was then when i was hurt or dying but other than that he was to stuck in his own addictions and his own life to bother about me
he also yelled and screamed for hours and hours and he never hit me but he spit on me and choked my sister once and do you know what did the most damage
it was my mother letting him come back every time he did that
he would scream at me for hours when i was 11 and it hurt me emotional
but every time she kicked him out or told him to leave she would let him back into the home a few days later and she would come and tell us its all OK and she will protect us

so you may miss him and you may want him back but why dont you think about your kids for once
dont you think it is so hard to see there father get drunk and leave all the time what do you think its doing to them or teaching them i can tell you that right now
its teaching them that its OK to be treated like that and its OK to treat others like that and i promise you if you dont stand up and do something they WILL have the same life you have if not worse

Answer 10

I have an ex that is addicted to prescription drugs, and I had the same problem. I ended up leaving and trying to keep him in my kids life, but all he continue to do was destroy everything. I used the excuse that he was a good father when he wasn't on something, but in truth he wasn't, and I was just making an excuse for him because I loved him and so desperately wanted him to be part of my children's life. Everyone kept telling me that I should cut him out of our life, and one day I had enough of him hurting the kids with the way he was acting and stirring to pot every time he could and I told him not to call anymore, not once has he tried to call, write etc. He was waiting on me to give him that excuse I believe. Your kids are better than that, they need a stable enjoyable life. Do you want them to grow up and have the same issues he has? That's what made me wake up! Its sad that their father is no where in their life and it breaks my heart, but I believe this is a lesser pain than having him hurt them over and over being in their life.

Answer 11

I have not been in the type of situation you describe..but...the #1 hint here is that he has two other children that he doesn't bother with. This fella is a loser...think more of yourself and your child..be done with him and move on..there are a lot of other men out there that would love you and your child and be a responsible, caring individual. You don't have to put up with this..noone does. You will get over your "feelings" for him believe it or not and I bet totally elated that you don't have to deal with his demeanor any more.