I love my mother-in-law more than my own mother and we have had an awesome relationship for over two years until she remarried. My wife and I don’t associate with her new husband, as there is a lot of negative history between us that my MIL is aware of. We want her to be as much as a part of her grandchild’s life as she wants to be. However, we don’t want our child to ever be in the presence of her new husband, but she is talking about decorating a spare bedroom at their house for the baby. How do we handle this? Speak how we feel about her husband and the baby or just suck it up? My wife is extremely close to her mom and doesn’t want to hurt her.
2007-02-26 05:09:43 · 13 answers · asked by Tarheel4040 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well I dont think I added enough detail. The situatuion is already at the point where her new husband doesnt come to our house and I have never been to his house. We dont speak in passing. Absolutely no communication takes place b/n the two of us.
2007-02-26 06:41:59 · update #1
wow tough question!! you must speak to her tell her how strongly you feel about the new husband and the baby... my best advice is too have her visit with the baby only at your house without the new husband. i hope that someday you all can work out the negative history. good luck.
2007-02-26 05:20:25 · answer #1 · answered by closeinphilly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is just his personality that you do not like then I say let the baby stay with the mother in law. Now if you think that the new huz will or could HARM the baby then under NO circumstances should you let the baby near him without you there.
Dont make the mother in law suffer because HE is an a s s. You wont be there to have to put up with the man. The baby can love him and be loved on even if you think he is a jerk. You dont have to spend time with the jerk but let the baby get some love and you can get a free baby sitter from the grandma.
2007-02-26 13:16:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't elaborate on the issues with this guy but if it's something that could harm the child, you have to take the child's interests first. If it's more that you just don't like this guy for whatever reason, make plans to have your MIL meet you guys out somewhere to see the baby. I don't think it's possible for your baby to "never be in the presence of her new husband"; they're married so you will be forced to spend some time with him unless you cut them both completely from your lives.
2007-02-26 13:14:33 · answer #3 · answered by J N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is always best especially in a situation like this, it is important how we feel about our relationships with family but you two have a family also. What will be the best outcome for your child if you decide to make the husband part of your baby's life? What is best for you and your wife? It definitely needs some good heart to heart talking and decision making, if this guy is no good to be around then I wouldn't want to be around him let alone my child!
2007-02-26 13:47:07 · answer #4 · answered by livlovelaugh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The harsh reality is, if you don't want your MIL new husband to be apart of your child life your mother inlaw will be hurt. You must now realize that her husband is now a huge part of her life, an inseperable part of her life. I understand that you and your wife don't like him but honestly if you ask your MIL to seperated the most joyous part of her life (her grandchild) from her husband, you are really asking her to do the same. I think the best solution is to make your mother in law absolutely clear as to your feelings about her husband...let her know that you will be cordial to him out of respect for her but that you have no intensions of trying to build a realationship with him. I think it will be a big mistake for you to prohibit your child to be around his/her grandmother because of her husband...unless it is a matter of safety that could cause harm to your child,you need to be open minded for not only your MIL sake but also for your young child. you will in essence be setting animosity between the child and the grandfather and that's unfair. your child has not clue as to why you dont' like Grandma's husband and his view of grandma's husband doesn't necessarily have to grow to be the same as yours. He could wind up being a really good step-grandfather.
2007-02-26 13:45:52 · answer #5 · answered by weary minded 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot have conditions for her seeing the grandchildren. If they go to her house (their house) then it needs to be unconditional. If you invite her to your house, you maybe can get away with excluding the husband, but you'll probaby end up driving MIL away. You will end up having to choose
1. MIL (with husband)
2. No grandma for baby
It's not the answer you want, but it's true.
Unless of course there's a chance that the new husband will harm your baby, then no unsupervised visits or no visits at all.
2007-02-26 13:14:17 · answer #6 · answered by dihollywood 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this new husband could do something to harm your child you have to keep it away from him at all costs. If it is just a personality conflict you could let the child visit. You as the father have to make the decision since you are the protector of the family and your wife will need to support you in any decision you make.
Good luck!
2007-02-26 13:13:41 · answer #7 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can decorate her house any way she wants to, that doesn't mean the kid is going to stay there. Out of my two children only one has stayed one night and that was when he was 4 mo old and we were moving into a new house that day Just let her be and decorate the room and just never ask her to babysit, unless she comes to your house. Her new squeeze isn't going to care one hoot about the grand kid. Isn't it interesting that she married someone that had a poor history with you guys. Doubt if you will be able to keep the kid out of the guys presence forever.
2007-02-26 13:25:50 · answer #8 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately this is the case sometimes, but there comes a time when we have to choose between what is bestt for our child and what is bes for the grandparents. Hopefully this never becomes an issue, but when it does, ask yourselves who would you favor? Your child or your parent If the answer is clear, do that, If the answer is uncertain, I would suggest "erring" in favor of the child and make that choice. Good luck.
2007-02-26 13:15:26 · answer #9 · answered by Kerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down with your mother in law and state the facts. Explain to her how you don't want to hurt her but you need her to understand. Ask her to pray with you for starters, then start with that. Let her know that you want her to be apart of the childs life and you want her to have consideration for what you are asking and that you don't want to ruin you alls relationship, so lets work it out. But she is grown and have the right to choose whoever she pleases to fall in love with you can not change that.... So give her space to decide what is best.
2007-02-26 13:40:07 · answer #10 · answered by ressie re 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋