Am I Engaged too soon?

Question

My boyfriend will be 23 in the fall and I just turned 24 in January. we've been together about 2 months. he has 2 children from a previous relationship, i have none. From the beginning, he has been very into me and in tune to what I need and want. Everything has been going well. We are inseprible. His family and friends all say they have never seen him so happy and mine say the same. They say we are two halves of a whole.About a month into the relationship, he asked me to marry him. I was taken by surprise but I know what he is feeling is real. I said yes .

neither of us is afraid of commitment but people are trying to convince me that it is too soon. my belief has always been why waste 6 years dating, if you know u love the person. I know there are sucesses and failures to any marriage no matter how long uve known each other. I find everyone has doubts cuz of our age and his kids. im getting cold feet . we wouldnt be married until next year. Is it too soon to consider marriage?

wow everyone gave me such good responses... let me ellaborate a little further since people have bought up some good points. The kid's mom lives 3 hrs away. he gets the boys on weekends. she isn't nessecarily bitter that we're together but she deep inside hoped he would get back with her. their breakup came after he caught her cheating the 4th time... she came home with a STD he didn't. ( the paternity of his second child is still pending) She isn't too good of a woman not to judge her. but she doesnt give me any problems. Since she's found out about me, shes been treating him better and not causing so many problems for him. Also, we are just engaged. the wedding isnt scheduled yet, I wouldnt even start getting it together until late this year looking for a date in 08 or 09. I have had a lot of relationships go bad and i am very keen on when people are putting on their fronts and believe me he is being sincere.

I didnt expect so many great responses! keep em coming!

Answer 1

I agree with you that there's no need to waste years and years once you know you want to marry someone. But one has to possess an inordinate amount of self-knowledge and knowledge of other people to be able to make a decision to marry someone within the first month or two. Unless you two have had lots of relationship experience before, been through both triumphs and bitter disappointments, and are mature beyond your years - I would strongly recommend waiting at least a few months before bringing marriage into the picture. Almost all new relationships give off an impression of being "happy" - how you feel in the first couple of months is NOT an indicator of how your relationship is going to go down once the "new-ness" wears off. It's not the matter of you not being afraid of committment - it's the matter of being realistic. I've had several relationships in which I felt intensly "happy", and had people comment on how "happy" we seemed together - only to see it all blow up in my face in a few months as the initial excitement wore off. Sure, there's no simple recipe for picking (and keeping) a "perfect mate"; everyone must proceed at their own pace, and do what makes sense to them. Just be careful, and try to be at least somewhat realistic. All these folks who are giving you advice are not trying to "break you up" or confuse you - they are looking out for your well-being, and there's a lot of truth to what they're sharing with you. Blaze your own path, but don't discard the wisdom of others right off the bat. Planning the wedding for next year is a good idea - you should be able to assess the situation more clearly in the meantime. Just remember - if it doesn't feel right, don't do it; you are not "stuck", you can choose what the best course of action is. Last but not least - make sure to use birth control for now! Good luck.

Answer 2

What's your hurry? If it's so wonderful and meant to be, it will happen. The fact that you've only been together for 2 months tell me that you're both on your best behavior. This isn't to say it won't work, because it may. You may truly be soul mates.
He has children,and as he's only 23, they're very young. This means the ex will be heavily involved in your life for at least the next 15 years. Is she reasonable? A good mom? Is she bitter about your new relationship? All of these factors can and will play into your new relationship. As I said, take it slow. If it's meant to be, it will be. His kids don't need any more confusion in their short lives. If you do marry and commit to him and his kids, you better do it 100%!

Answer 3

Only you know what's right. Other people can talk blue in the face, but it's your life. If it feels right then it's right. U guys know when it's right, dont let anyone tell u diffrent. I've known ppl who were engaged after years of being together and then when they got married it didnt last. Now i wouldnt up and marry now take time to plan and live with eachother, but why cant u be engaged now. Your both adults, out of school so who is to say your making the wrong decisions. I knew with in a month that the man I am with was my other 1/2. Only you know . Follow your heart.

Answer 4

It does seem quick. I am 21 and married. My husband and I dated one year before we got engaged, 6 months later we were married. I would recommend waiting a year before you start planning the wedding. Live together and see how that goes. You would be surprised how small differences can affect a relationship.

My best advice: buy the book, 'Before You Say I Do'. Read the book and answer the questions at the end of each chapter together (if he really loves you, he will do it). It covers finances, child-rearing, parents/in-laws, general household duties, careers, etc. You will see how compatible you really are.

Answer 5

I was 21 when I met my husband, got engaged 6 months later, and got married when I was 23. We have been married for 17 yrs and have 4 kids. My advice to you is to wait until 2008, just to see how things are going. No one is saying to date for 6 yrs, but it does take time to get to know someone, especially when there are children involved. Good Luck.

Answer 6

i'm fairly plenty the precise comparable subject. i'm turning 21 in August, he 22 in Feb - better half and that i've got been collectively 5 years on Sunday. i do no longer opt for an engagement any extra than 18months to 2yrs. ideally i could opt for to attend til i'm 24 to be married, for the comparable reason as you - the stupid judging etc. however fairly what's a twelve months, if we are engaged at 21 and 22, and married at 23 and 24? i could opt for to get married in September, so we would could desire to hold off an engagement for 18 months to be married Sept 2014, or we are in a position to attend till after my birthday this twelve months (that's the way its looking- late this twelve months) and get married Sept 2013 (argh is that an unlucky twelve months?) we've lived collectively on our very own for over a twelve months, have joint funds, have a domestic dog, i've got moved interstate for him, performed 6 months long distance, finished uni... i'm beginning up to sense impatient too, which makes me sense fairly immature, yet i could fairly like the rock on my finger and to make this guy my hubby. Gahhhhh permit me be responsive to the form you pass :)

Answer 7

Hey,

Well 2 months is indeed early, for engagement its not early but to marry him its quiete early, specially that he has kids, and when you gonna have your own its a big responsibility, having others its harder, you guys are gonna have your own child, and this is gonna be difficult for you, even if your not planing to have them soon, he will have to pay a lot of attention to his kids, his kids might mind you and your relationships, even get jealous when you have your own child. You have to think about this relationship well, why is he not with another woman, what is the reason, how was he treating other woman the mother of his kids. Be with him but think of this seriously, your are in love, but you still have to think about all the responsibility coming you way

Answer 8

Love is an action, not an emotion. Right now, you are in the chemical high of first love. It's a great thing. I loved my husband after knowing him for 2 months, and we've been together almost eight years. But we dated for four years before we got married.

If it's right for the two of you now, it will be right for the two of you in a couple of years. Please get to know your future husband better. In addition to gaining a great husband, you are also gaining the responsibilities of two young children (and the hassles of their bio-mother). Being a mother is a tremendous gift, but ensure that in addition to always being his wife, you will always be their mother.

And regardless of how long we've dated, get couple's therapy before you get married. You may want to include special family therapy as you will be taking on such an important and significant role as the mother of two children.

Answer 9

i dont think its too soon. however i agree with others on here when i say that its up to you and your boyfriend alone to make the decision, no one else's opinion should matter.

my husband and i met in july 2005, got engaged in sept 2005 and were married on dec 3rd 2005. and it has been amazing. we have been so happy, not every moment has been perfect and of course you will have your ups and downs, everyone does. but thats life, you cant prevent the bad times from happening, no matter how long youre together before marriage. marriage changes our relationship to some degree whether youre dating 1 month or 10 years. i think you should do what your heartt ells you to do , whether that be marry him or not...and disregard the opinions of others who disagree with whatever you decide to do. good luck!!

Answer 10

No, not if you love him and he loves you... As long as you're both willing to work through anything... Good Luck...