Are yrs spent in a bad marriage wasted?

Question

I am really bitter about losing 8 years of my life to a bad marriage. It feels like those years just went in the garbage . do u think there is some usefullness to it, or not. and i know its a learning experinece or whatever so is there anythign ELSE u can think of?

Answer 1

Yeah, you learned a lesson, but you could've only wasted ONE year of your life learning it instead of EIGHT..that's what you're thinking, right?

If you think it was wasted time, then it was. The thing is you can't sit here and dwell on it because that's even MORE wasted time, and that time is useless because you can't change what's been done...get out there and live. You lesson has been learned. Now it's time to move on . . .

Answer 2

I don't see how it wouldn't make you feel that way - I lost 2 yrs and I still feel bitter about it, I feel like I got betrayed because he wasn't the man I thought he would be and that he took my 1st marriage when I thought I'd only be married once in my life. You need to accept that things just went wrong and be happy that you still have yourself in the end. That's how I look at it, and it helps me move forward in life and keep focus in the things that I do want for my future. Even if you don't have kids (don't know if you do or don't) then find things good in yourself and go with it. It was unfortunate that that vow was broken, but would you have rather that marriage last you a lifetime being the way it was? No, right? So it will take time & you'll find yourself thinking back about what went wrong and what would have been different every now and then, but just remember that it was a bad situation and to avoid those things that made it go wrong in the future. I've been divorced for 5 yrs and believe, me, it does make you a stronger woman because you 1 -did walk away from that situation and 2 - chose to have a happier future.

Answer 3

I "wasted" 9 years in a bad relationship / marriage. I am grateful that I went through it though because I became a better person because of it. I am sure that the experience drastically changed you as a person. You need to embrace that and learn from your experience. It can put you in a better place to have a truly amazing relationship with someone now. I'm sure that you are bitter now, but it will get better and the bitterness will go away. Sometimes people just have to learn from the school of hard knocks, maybe that's why you stayed in the marriage for so long. It wasn't just one big learning experience, I'm sure it was a million. If you came out a better, stronger, and smarter person from this, than that is all that matters...

Answer 4

Everything happens for a reason. I am sure that you learned and grew a lot as a person during those 8 years. Plus, I am sure not the entire 8 years was bad, you had to have had some good times in there somewhere. It is best to take what you have learned and chalk this one up to the game. You win some, you lose some. Besides, if it wasn't for the bad things in life you would not have the good either.

Answer 5

As "bad" as it was, odds are it wasn't all bad. I'm sure there were some good times. And even the bad part isn't always a waste. It's, at least, a valuable life experience. If you took lessons learned from the bad experience, it wasn't wasted.

28 years ago I ended a "bad" 8 year relationship. 2 years later I found a good one, and I've never looked back. I can't say those 8 years were a waste, because every step I took then, led me to where I am today.

Answer 6

Nothing is ever wasted. I'm sorry that your marriage ended and i know hurt hurt but it will get better eventually. God as a bigger and better plan for you. I'm sure there were some good times within those yrs. one day you'll be able to remember. keep god and prayer 1st and you will make it through and that's truth. know don't get me wrong I'm not a christian nut or anything i just have had an experience. i always thought i could make a change or make it better until i at the new yr i decided to put everything in he's hands. every since then things have been great (there are struggles) but noting like before my heart isn't heavy with anything. start by just saying father and let what ever is on your heart flow... GOD BLESS YOU

Answer 7

You can be bitter forever or you could grief, then go on with your life. Nothing we do or have endured should be looked at as a waste. It is always another step towards maturity and wisdom. The abuse I endured as a child has made me strong and determined to love my children and raise them to be secure within themselves. I'm sure there were times in your marriage that were good, lifes you have touched while being married, things you did together with your spouse or on your own, friends you made. Try to focus on those and disregard the bad. Forgive and heal and learn from it. Best wishes.

Answer 8

In my opinion, it teaches you about yourself. I've seen a lot of people go through bitter divorces; my grandmother spent 40 years in an abusive marriage with a closeted gay man. It was an awful experience, but she spent more years of her life IN that marriage then OUT of it. She learned a lot about who she is, a lot about human nature, and has become stronger in her faith in weakness. If anything, you have sympathy for those who are in similar situations and have been in bad relationships. Hopefull that learning experience makes things a little bit easier to cope with. Also be glad that you got out in 8 years, rather than staying in the bad marriage longer.

Answer 9

8 years is nothing compared to a lifetime. I understand how you feel (I wasted 15), but use this experience as a lesson. Hopefully you've figured out what went wrong, what you want and what you don't want. Use this wisdom in your future and the past 8 years won't be wasted. Good luck!

Answer 10

I would be bitter, too. You only get one life... better make it badass, right? However, everything happens for a reson... there's a reason it was 8 years before you left, rather than 1 or 2... Think of it like that, and you won't be so pissed!!