In a relationship, is it fair to expect your partner to do more housework?

Question

I work 60-70 hours in a week (own business) and my girlfriend stays at home. I actually like to help her in housework : cooking, cleaning and the dishes but I'm usually too tired at the end of day and never able to help even if I want to. As a result, she is staying busy whole day only trying to keep the house in order. She doesn't complain though but I don't feel good when I'm snoozing on the couch and she's mopping the floors. Granted I don't have that much time to do housework, is there any way that I should help.

Answer 1

I think couples should do what works for them. I stay home, care for our girls and take care of the house. Frankly, it drives me bonkers when my husband helps out. Our agreement is this: leave the housework all for me to do, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Play with the kids as much as you can. Don't make my life harder by leaving stuff all over the place for me to clean up (ie. laundry, dishes, etc.)

So, in our case, it is definitly fair to expect I do more.

I feel safe to say the same for you guys. Do what works. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

You're too tired? Or you just don't feel like lending a hand? Surely after dinner, you can't be >that< exhausted that you can't help clear the table and wash or dry dishes with her, or load dishwasher, whatever applies. There are things you could be doing throughout your time at home to help out, so that she doesn't have to go behind you and clean. I can't even imagine someone staying "busy whole day only trying to keep the house in order" The whole day?? Come on ... It's just the two of your at home, what is there ... to keep in order every single day??? >>>SHE<<< is the one who should be complaining she's tired at the end of the day keeping the house in order.

Doesn't make much sense to me, sounds more like a cop-out than anything else. If you feel that badly about sticking her with the duties, then get off your lazy end and help her out. I understand people are tired after work, I get that. I have two kids and husband, I work AND go to school at night. I'm tired,... but I >>still<< manage to find some strength to pick up around the house at the end of the day.

Answer 3

Have you considered getting her a house cleaner once or twice a month to just help her? It sounds as if you aren't able to really help and I don't feel she should expect to you with the hours you work. Cleaning is technically her "job". And cleaning a house does not take 8-9 hours a day. Some chores are repetitive (laundry, dishes, cooking) but others can be done every few days or so, (vacuum, dusting, grocery shopping), unless you have 5 kids and 2 dogs. Before you feel guilty though you should talk to her. Maybe on the weekends there is something she'd like you to do that would give her some time to herself. Communication is a really important aspect of your relationship. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

If she stays at home (wish I could) then the house work is her job. Now if she is constantly "picking up" after you and sees that you could care less of the work she is doing to make your place nice then she make think you don't even care. She may never say a word about it but just let her know now and then that even though you both have had a rough day no matter where you work you appreciate each other and what each brings to the relationship. If you could plan an evening where the two of you could do a pampering session, candles, bubble bath, massage, feeding each other strawberries, etc. and tell her this is for all the hard work each of you do in a day. Believe me she will know that you appreciate what she does around the house and that each is just as important.

Answer 5

To show your g/f how much you appreciate what she does around the house, why not come home from time to time with a pretty bouquet of her favorite flowers or take her out to dinner? Maybe you can help her out in little ways. For example: Tell her how nice the house looks when you come home & you know she spent all day cleaning. Help her clear the table after dinner or offer to do the dishes so she can sit down. Also help her by keeping your clothing, etc. picked up, so she won't have to do it. Sometimes it's the little things that mean so much. Women like to be appreciated, just like the men do!

Answer 6

As long as she knows how much you appreciate her, and if you explain how you are feeling - I am sure she realises how tired you get. Anyway, what a thoughtful person you are, there are not many people who would feel guilty if they work the hours you do - they would just take it for granted that the housework was done, especially if their partner did not work. However, if you have some time off, I am sure a helping hand would not go amiss.

Answer 7

the one who works the least amount of hours in a week at their job should be the one to take the responsibility of the housework. If she's just staying at home then she should have full responsibility of the house especially if you're working that many hours you shouldn't have to go home to work some more. If you are wanting to help out just pick up after yourself as you go like put your dirty clothes in the hamper instead of the floor, rinse your dish after you eat and put it in the dishwasher, take off your shoes when you go in the house so you don't dirty the floors, rinse out the sink after you shave & brush your teeth, aim better and don't miss the toilet (ha, ha, ha). Just simple little things like that can help a lot more then you think, plus you'll win bonus points with her for being so thoughtful with the little things.

Answer 8

In fairness I think it's great that you actually want to help out! If your girlfriend stays at home out of choice and you are supporting her & she actually enjoys doing housework, I don't really see why you're even asking the question! If she's happy with the situation the way it is, I say don't rock the boat! I know myself it's the fact that my husband offers to help out that means more to me than if he actually got stuck in, even though we both work the same kind of hours as you do.

Answer 9

If one person works that much and the other is home all day, the one who stays home should do most if not all of the housework. Doesn't matter which is the man or woman.

If you WANT to help her, go ahead. But you shouldn't be guilted into doing it.

Answer 10

How can it take all day to keep the house clean? Especially if it's just you two and you don't have kids or pets? Seriously, there cannot possibly be an entire days work everyday. Just give her a gift and tell her you appreciate her, but she cannot possibly be working as hard as you think.