I am almost 21, I am not in college, and I work. Back in 04 I lived with my current BF(age 27) for about 4 month but we had to move back to our parents. When we moved back he broke it off. I was not ready for things to end. I guess you can say we had a sexual relationship after we broke up. I put a stop to it once I realized that he was not going to get back with me. Then this other guy came along proposed to me. We were going to get married but he was not the one for me. However, once my ex- BF at the time found out he got back together with me. We have been together now for about 1 year. We have a happy and wonderful relationship. Although, I want to get married but he does not know what he wants. We have had several heart to heart talks about marriage the whole time we have known each other, but it never goes anywhere. What should I do? We have given it another chance and he knows what I want but does not know what he wants. Total time dating is 2years. Should I leave or be patience
2007-02-26 03:41:18 · 50 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The guy that I was going to marry was cheating on me behind my back that is the reason we did not get married.
My current BF knew I wanted marriage some day before we even started dating. He has become more comfortable talking about marriage. However he still says he does not know.
So should I be patience or what? I have given just about all the details I can on this. I posted a question about a week ago on this but got some what poor responses because of my lack of details. I am sorry if it confusing but this is the way it is.
Some might think that I am rushing things. I have messed up in the past but I am trying to get my life right. I am religious. Maybe, that might help you understand why I want to get married
2007-02-26 03:41:33 · update #1
I am not a party person. So I have no partying to do.
Also the guy that I am with is not all about sex. So why keep making the statement "why buy the cow when the milk is free." It is not true. Not every guy is the same.
Also my BF is disabled and can not work.
2007-03-05 07:20:49 · update #2
You have to do what is best for you.
Does this man make you happy? Does he care about you and your needs?
Sounds to me you have been waiting around on this guy for awhile. If he is not ready to commit maybe you are not what he wants. Does he seem to be waiting for the better deal?
If you have the feelings that you want to leave.......LEAVE! Do not allow someone to waste you time. Don't sacrifice your youth!
It will be his job to make you stay.
2007-03-06 01:21:48 · answer #1 · answered by Truely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You make poor choice of men. thats the problem you have first and foremost. Let me lay it on the line for you. Your current/ex/current boyfriend is getting precisiely what he wants...laid. Just like he was the time before and again...without committing to anything.
Asking what to do here is pointless. You'll do what you want anyway...advice be damned. However your whole intimate relationships with men seem to sour and so you go back to what is a sure thing...the ex boyfriend. Know why? Bceause you can again be sure of everything that will happen because you're comfortable with it. Yes...you are and denying it will only keep the waters muddy. You pretty much know the ins and the outs of the ex-bf and you've become comfortable with that. Even to the point that you're right back in the same situation you were before (regarding the marriage and commitment thing). So...just what do you think you should do? If you see no change for the future can you give me a better reason than what I've given you as to why you stay?
2007-02-26 04:17:57 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have been married for 5 years after dating for several. I knew I wanted to marry him w/i a year of when we started dating, but he got a look of panic whenever marriage came up. I backed off of the talk about marriage and he eventually proposed. He just wanted to make certain I was who he wanted to marry so it wouldn't end in divorce. You are very young. Maybe your bf is just respecting your belief system by making sure marriage is the best step for you both. For what it's worth, my advice is to take it slow and enjoy being with him. Make sure you are not w/ him just b/c you want to be in a relationship and he's a nice guy (& familiar and thus comfortable). If you give it time (several months at least) maybe he'll come around. If not, try telling him that you need him to help you understand his thoughts in order for you to be happy.
2007-03-04 11:38:11 · answer #3 · answered by simplyallicat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was with my boyfriend for six years before we got married at 28 years old (we agreed that we would finish our post-graduate degrees first and pay off debt). You have plenty of time,so what's the rush. Take your time and work through your relationship further before making such a major step. Marriage is a lot of work, and it sounds like your relationship has been built on some pretty shaky ground, so put some more time in building a stronger foundation first, and then re-address the marriage issue. My husband has always told me that he is much happier in our relationship knowing that he married me when he was ready versus feeling guilt-ed into making a move, and I think we have a much healthier marriage because we waited, although I will admit it was hard on me to wait so long. But . .we couldn't be happier.
2007-03-05 14:35:21 · answer #4 · answered by J Dubble 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is your boyfriends current status in life? Is he going to school or does he have an established career? Perhaps he wants to know he can take care of a wife and family before he commits to talking marriage and following through with it. He is just about the age where most men start thinking about marriage so if he is going to consider marriage I would give him a little more time to think about it. I also wouldn't pressure him into talking about it all the time. If a another year or two goes by and he still doesn't know, then sister, I would move on then. You can't waste finding Mr. Right while Mr. Undecided takes his own sweet time thinking about it.
Good luck!
2007-02-26 03:53:40 · answer #5 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a Christian is a good thing, it means you want Good things in your Life, But do NOT rush into marriage. You are still very young and have alot of things in Life to learn before crossing that bridge. So many people this day and time rush into marriage and are simply Not ready for that kind of Commitment. It almost always ends in a Divorce. Just relax and enjoy each other for now. Pushing your Boyfriend into a Commitment before hes ready would be the worse thing you can do. Its a Whole lot easier to get married than it is to get Out of one. I have been with my Fiancee 5 years now and we Both are still not ready to make that final commitment. We have both been through a Divorce, and its terribly painfull. In time we will probably get married, but for now we are just gonna enjoy our time together.
2007-02-26 04:01:45 · answer #6 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact is most men will not marry a girl once they've broken up with her ... guys can get back with you but will not marry you. The old saying is true "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" My advice to you ... tell him this relationship is not going to the next level and you want to move on. You deserve better ... you just have to believe that you do! Good Luck.
2007-02-26 03:51:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I look at it this way, if you love him like you say you do then you shouldn't stress about marriage. You should be happy you have found someone that makes you happy. Marriage can be a wonderful thing but its not the only thing. Let it play out and enjoy your relationship for what it is, it will eventually happen if its meant to be. You are still very young, even if it doesn't work out you still have ample time to find new love. Enjoy your life w/ your man quit stressing on a piece of paper.
2007-02-26 03:48:03 · answer #8 · answered by michele_zanella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, from a guy with no dog in the fight.. you have to cut this guy off. If he can have the sex without the commitment.. then why be tied down to that? He knew from the beginning you are interested in marriage.. but he has his needs met by you the way things are. Time for an ultimatum: tell him that you love him and care, but can't see him anymore.. that he knows you need a commitment, and if that isn't what he wants then fine, you both move on.. but if he really cares, you will hear from him soon.. perhaps ready to commit. If not, then you are better off Sugar.
2007-03-06 01:54:29 · answer #9 · answered by aralissselundel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him stick with him Give him time He's just not ready yet He's probably scared to death but not telling you that That's what we call cold feet sooner or later he will come around Ask him do you have cold feet you don't want to bush to hard you might not be together That will scare him away take baby steps Ask yourself is he worth it? Do I love him enough to stick around a wait? Why should he get married when he gets the milk for free
There's a saying why by the cow when you get it for free That means if your sleeping with him already he already got you for free some guys don't think they have to get married find out just where he's coming from
2007-02-26 03:55:38 · answer #10 · answered by kitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not even 21 so I don't see the rush to may anyone at this point, especially someone who's admittedly reluctant. If you really enjoy his company and love him, then I see no reason to leave him, unless you want to force the isue. That being said, at 27, he should know if he wants to be married, to you or anyone, and he should just admit to you outright, that he doesn't want to get married now, or in the future. So, you can hang onto him because he's a good man, good companion, and loves you, but just not enough to marry you right now. Or if upon reflection, you decide you need a relationship with someone who will commit now to marriage, dump him.
2007-02-26 03:49:45 · answer #11 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋