Myself and many friends are suffering due to the demands of this type of household. Each parent is different and it seems impossible to keep the peace. Married people have a hard enough time never mind us.
2007-02-26 03:35:31 · 5 answers · asked by mick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i am in a blended family--its been 4 years now
first off all and MOST importantly, is your marriage. you marriage is your number ONE priority. you and your husband need to be one united front, establishing the same rules for all kids in your home. sit down with him, alone, and come up with a list of responsibilities for the children, rules, and consequences. stick to these as a partnership. that way, everything is always fair and consistant and each child knows their role. post this list on your fridge or somewhere where everyone can see it.
you and your husband will have to compromise on this list and neither one of you will get things 100% the way YOU want it, but marriage is all about compromise. come up with things the two of you can live with, enforce, and stick to
second, make "married people" time. have a date once in a while, without kids. spend time with each other, alone, without having to "play" mom and dad...its does wonders for you as a couple and individual
do not put up with disrespect of any sort from the kids, whether yours or his. make sure they are respectful to you, your husband, and each other. do not allow fighting and never fight about kids or infront of kids.
be a united front with your husband and put your marriage first. you married HIM and he married YOU--kids are just an added bonus. if you put your marriage first, i 100% garantee that everything else falls into place. kids know they have a stable home, people they can trust, and can have some sense of normalcy which all kids need, especially kids from divorced/widowed homes.
all it takes is you and your husband to be solid, standing together, and first and formost to each other. remember, the two of you will be spending the rest of your lives together--build a solid foundation today and reep the benefits later. :)
good luck to you! email me if you have any other questions!
2007-02-26 04:25:06 · answer #1 · answered by buffywaldie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In answer to your question-No-there isn't any good solutions to Blended Families being a great solution. Many people don't realize the impact divorce has on everyone. Some are obviously unavoidable but there are many marriages that could of worked out if people would of gave the extra effort. Regarding blended families though it will never be great because what kids want the most is not the latest video game but to have their parents together. Since blended families have become more common than ever before the only thing to do is try to make the best of not the best situation. The only ways I can think to do this which aren't solutions are somehow set certain times in certain days aside to give your biological kids the attention they need and set times in days aside for you and your spouse to have time alone which might work out good if both x-spouses have the kids on those days. It isn't easy though and no one can really relax with that setup. As nice as the "STEP" parent may be; it isn't "MOM" or "DAD".
2007-02-26 04:37:27 · answer #2 · answered by Tgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a blended family and honestly I am having the time of my life! A lot of people have had negative experiences with merging two families together and yeah, we did too, but we went to counseling and worked on the relationships. My best advice is to make some house rules that each child should follow and then have some type of punishment that you and your husband can agree to so there isn't an tension there. Also, do not force the kids to love each other and don't force yourself to love your step kids as much as your own. Over the years these relationships will develop naturally. So be consistent and get family counseling!
2015-09-02 07:29:00 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is exactly why so much thought must be put into the 1st marriage then the divorce and the 2nd marriage. If you have been married and divorced that is all old however when you opted to remarry the kids were already there on both sides. You made a decision to marry anyways even thought it certainly was not the best decision for all the kids. Bottom line now there is no choice but to deal with it. Start with remembering that his kids are just as important as yours. That you are not the Mother they already have one. Remember when they come for the weekends and you resent it that they know it and feel it. Try to think how hard it is for them to come on Friday night and basically be guests while it is more likely than not your children's home. Try to be kind to all of that as you deal with the day to day issues. Bottom line it is tough and there is no easy solution because these are all matters of the heart.
2007-02-26 03:56:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just hold on for the ride.........
2007-02-26 03:38:43 · answer #5 · answered by troble # one? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋