I need advice from breastfeeding moms FAST!!!!?

Question

OK.. Here is the situation. My 13 month old son still dont sleep through the night. I just got him to sleep (nursing him) and when I put him in his crib he woke up crying. I took the advice of lots of people to just let him cry it out... (its been 15 minutes and he is still crying) Am I dont the right thing? He IS ready for his nap... but he is so used to being nursed to sleep and help... and cuddled. ALso If I am doing the right thing.. please say something to help me to stop from running up stairs to pick him up.. This is killing me! Thanks

Also if this is the right thing.. how long do I let him cry?? This is KILLING me to hear him like this.... But he is so tired... OMG... I feel like a rotten mom... But I have to get him to start sleeping by himself somehow!!

Answer 1

hi there, i was in the same situation when my daughter was 10 months old. one night my husband was so fed up with it that he just said "let's let her cry." well she cried so hard that she threw up but after throwing up she passed out. we went in and cleaned her up but she stayed asleep. we finally said "this is it!" after a few more nights of her crying, puking, and falling asleep (and us cleaning her up!) she was able to fall asleep on her own. i am an attachment parent, and rocked her to sleep or nursed her in my arms every nap, every night, etc. but once we were brave enough to do this (cause it broke my heart!) she has slept soundly ever since! good luck!

Answer 2

I am sooo against crying it out- until a certain age! At 13 months he really does need to start learning to self soothe, it's so hard but think about it mommy, do you want to be cuddling him to sleep until he's 10? When my daughter was about that age I was going through the same thing, and my rule was I would let her cry for 15 minutes, then go love her, then cry... but I would not allow more than 3 "crying" sessions a day because it was just too hard. Anyway in a couple of weeks it was all over! You can do it, just go buy a lot of headache medicine, LOL. HTHs!

Answer 3

Its killing you for a reason. Please go with your insticts!!!

Cry-it out was invented by a MAN! They are not wired the same way as us when it comes to crying babies, they can't possibly understand the distress it causes a mom to hear her baby crying.

That said: I am in the same boat as you. My son is almost 14 months, he still nurses to sleep and he still wakes alot overnight.

I can understand the social pressure to get him to "sleep through the night". But, some babies just take longer than others to learn self-soothing.
And he will learn it on his own, you dont have to force it on him. From all the moms ive talked to, most babies learn to "self soothe" by 2 years old.

I can already see my son starting to settle himself. He now will change positions several times before turning to me to nurse back to sleep. Sometimes he even settles himself back to sleep!! :)

There is a book that is supposed to help the process along. It was written by a breastfeeding mother who had a hard time with her last child sleeping. Its called 'the no-cry sleep solution'. Its suposed to take a several months to work, but it might be of interest to you.

What, exactly, is your goal? What is the problem you have with him not sleeping through the night?

Is it because other people tell you he should be? Dont listen to them, every baby is different

Is it because you need more sleep? Have you tried co-sleeping?

My point is, he will eventually learn to put himself to sleep. If your going to try and 'help' things along, do it gently and slowly. Its unfair to expect a child who only knows the loving arms of his mother and the warmth of her breast everynight, to react well to that being taken away.

And to the person who said theres no benefit to nursing a toddler... DO SOME RESEARCH!

Answer 4

I know you are sleep-deprived and desperate, but up until now you have been meeting all of his needs. Now suddenly you put him down and are basically telling him he can't trust you to help him any more! You could at least go to him, talk softly to him, sing him a lullaby even if he is still crying, so he doesn't feel abandoned. Let him know that you are there, even if you are not picking him up.

I'm not a huge SuperNanny fan, but I watch it sometimes and I do agree with the technique "Nanny Jo-Jo" has of staying by the baby's bed/crib with your hand on them, no eye contact, and just sit with them until they fall asleep. Gradually you take your hand off, then you start to move further away from the crib, then standing at the door, then just outside the door... It takes a couple of weeks I think but at least your baby won't feel abandoned.

I tried it for a while with my youngest when I was working nights, so my husband would be able to get her to sleep without nursing, and it worked pretty well. When I stopped working, though, I went right back to "spoiling" her, as others would call it, by putting her to sleep within the loving comfort of my arms. They don't stay babies and need this much attention forever; my "spoiled" little baby girl (and all 5 of her older sibs, who I raised like this as well) now sleeps through the night in her own bed and is very independent. She is potty-training herself at the moment, with little help or interference from me. She no longer needs me the way she did from infancy through about age 2.5. It's an intense time, for sure, but they *do* outgrow it, when the needs are met and fulfilled. However it may seem at one year, it does NOT go on forever as one person suggested.

I don't believe that nursing your baby to sleep, or cuddling them, rocking them, singing, whatever are BAD habits at all; it's what babies respond best to, when they are made to feel safe, loved, and content. That's not spoiling, it's teaching them that they can trust you to meet all of their needs.

This age and stage will pass much more quickly than you can believe it will from where you stand today. Soon you will be ushering your "baby" off to school and wondering where the time went. Enjoy it while it lasts!

Edit: LOL, reading some of these responses, I'd like to meet some of these alleged 10 year olds who supposedly still need to be rocked, nursed, or whatever, to sleep...

I'm not saying you can't/shouldn't try to get your baby to fall asleep in different ways, just that it should be done gently and gradually. AND that if you decide to keep nursing & cuddling them to sleep, they WILL eventually outgrow it sometime during the 2nd/3rd year. That is a far cry from 10 years, though. Exaggerate much, people?

Answer 5

HOLD YOUR BABY! If you don't want to nurse him to sleep anymore, you can't just abruptly stop and abandon him. Try easing him into a new way of going to sleep. But think of how it is from his perspective after having the peaceful joy of nursing to sleep with soft warm Mama, and now he's alone on a cold hard bed. He's crying--communicating to you that he needs something, but no one is responding. That is terrifying, if you ask me. And parents who are willing to let their babies cry until they puke?!?! I'm sorry, but that's WRONG. And unhealthy.

Baby's needs change--there's a good chance he's going through something right now, which explains why he woke up after being put down. We must respond to our baby's needs, or else they become very insecure and can't trust people--if Mom won't meet his needs, no one will. Security is learned by having our needs met and knowing that we are okay in the world.

You can teach him a new way of falling asleep, especially now that he is over a year, but not by suddenly abandoning him. It's cruel and will not teach him good sleep associations.

Try putting him in a sling. Hold him, while shh-ing. Let Dad hold him, rocking slowly. Put him down while sleepy, but don't leave him! Do this gradually! REad the "No Cry Sleep Solution" for some suggestions.

I nursed my first son to sleep until he was over a year and then I would take him off just before he fell asleep, so he learned to fall asleep on his own. But I did not leave. I nurse my 6 month old to sleep and as he gets older I will help him learn to fall asleep without nursing.

If it's killing you, then go pick up your baby!!!!! Listen to that maternal voice, not those wacky irresponsible male "experts" (eg. Ferber) who tell you not to comfort and hold your baby.

Good luck! Nurturing and comforting are not bad!

Answer 6

You are doing pretty much the right thing, but it's soooo hard!

I know. I can remember telling my husband to pin me down to stop me going to my son at one point! The urge is so strong, and very natural.

The best thing you can do is put him down when he is ready to sleep but is still awake. Stay with him, stroke his brow etc, try to get him to sleep like that. I know that sometimes (if not most of the time) he will fall asleep whilst feeding, and that's fine. But if he doesn't need feeding and needs a sleep then just put him down while he is awake but calm :)

Leave the room.

When he wakes leave him cry for 5 minutes, go back in, reassure him that you are still there, soothe him, without picking him up, then when he's calm leave the room again.

Next time leave it 10 minutes, do the same again.

Leave it a little longer each time.

Whatever you do, don't pick him up, but by all means let him know you are still there for him. He needs to be trained to know that sleep time is sleep time, that Mummy is still there to keep an eye on him, but that he needs to be alone to sleep.

If he was any younger I would say to forget leaving him, and just to pick him up. Whatever happens though, you are not a rotten mother and you are not spoiling your child. A child can never be spoiled with too much love!

It's hard to do it this way, and can take a good couple of weeks of getting up, even through the night, every 15 minutes (if you're as unlucky as my sister!), but for the sake of a couple of weeks of hard work it is much better in the long run, for both of you.

As babies get old enough to get up themselves they will start getting in to your bed (which is fine sometimes, my son *still* does it), but it also gets easier to not take them back!

I have added a link below with more details. It's the section on controlled crying that I think you would benefit most from. Reassurance that you are still there is key, as is making sure the crying is for no other reason than wanting you, i.e. not hungry, ill, wet, in pain, uncomfortable etc.

CG.

ps, at 13 months I don't really feel that breastfeeding or not makes any difference (apart from the obvious fact that you are used to being extra close physically (I MEANT DIFFERENCE TO THE SLEEPING, I totally advocate feeding as long as possible up to about 2 years old)) in regards to answering this question, as your son will probably be having enough solids throughout the day to not be crying from hunger.

Answer 7

you are doing the right thing. I know it is so hard to listen to them cry. Instead of nursing him or rocking him maybe just go into the room and rub his belly just to let him know you are there. Do this for a minute and then leave again. Let him cry for 5-10 minutes or as long as you can stand it and go back in for a minute or two. It's going to be hell for the first few days but in the long run it will pay off. You know that he is old enough not to need to nurse during the night, it has just become a habbit for him. He is in a safe place and he will be fine, I think it is harder on you then on him. You need your rest and so does he. I hope this helps.

Answer 8

I don't think your doing the right thing. Using controlled crying and the cry it out method can permanently alter the childs development. If you email me I can dig up some articles for you. I would never ever let my kids cry it out. My oldest started sleeping through the night at 2 months and my youngest started at 15 months (about 2 weeks ago)

Answer 9

It is not good to let children "cry it out" as it can cause them to disassociate. In some cases this can cause severe psychological trauma. That may sound far-fetched but it can happen.

Some babies are wakeful. It's inconvenient but if possible rearrange your schedule to accommodate the baby's sleep pattern. Why not?
You will be much happier with a happy baby.

my first child hated to sleep. He stopped taking naps before 1 year. I tried and tried to get him on a sleep schedule. We were both very miserable! I have an infant now who is a night owl. I was able to adjust my schedule to hers and trust me, this is much less stress than the first time around.

Answer 10

You do NOT let him cry. He needs you to be with him at the very least, even if you are not willing to nurse him at the moment.

Nursing to sleep is NOT a bad thing at all. But if it's something you desire to stop, it needs to be done slowly and in tune with the needs of your child.

Answer 11

You are doing the right thing, even though it is so hard!

I just went through this with my daughter. The first few nights were hard, but each night she fought less and less and now she goes to sleep with hardly more than a whimper.

It is good to teach children the ability to soothe themselves (even though they much prefer that mommy soothes them), You can try putting his favorite snuggly toy to bed with him and see if that helps. I am not sure if you use a soother but that helps many babies. I bought my daughter a fisher price ocean wonders aquarium and she loves it, now she falls asleep listening to the lullabies and watching the bubbles!