i am so unhappy, what can i do?

Question

ive tried 12 step programmes, self help books, church, i dont think im meant to be happy in this lifetime, im 45 divorced for many years and still having alcohol relapses. ive not drank for two days and at work just now, feeling quite low.

Answer 1

Have you tried Rational Recovery? It works on a totally different theory to Alcoholics Anonymous. It focuses on Addictive Voice Recognition Technique®, teachs you to recognise the voice that makes you drink and teachs you how to ignore it. I've not followed the program, but have used techniques from it. Their website is here: http://www.rational.org/

Try not to focus on your lapses, just focus on NOW. One day at a time.

Did you regularly go to AA meetings? My mother has been in AA for 15 years and still goes to 3 meetings a week. AA isn't for everyone, but you are free to go to as many meetings as you want, if you want to.

Well done of two days of sobriety, I know how hard that is. I'm 93 days sober. We can do this, just keep trying.

Have you worked out if there is a reason for your drinking? I've discussed things at great lengths with many alcoholics, and the consensus seems to be that although we have something in us that makes us react in a different way to alcohol, there is something in our lives that pushes us to drink. It might not be the case for you, but it certainly is for me and many others. I've accepted now that I drank because of my social phobia and depression - so I'm taking steps to tackle it. I'm now in therapy and it is helping.

Answer 2

Change is difficult. We all have our faults and misgivings, however, you must make a concious decision to let go. Let go of the constant self-criticism, let go of whatever pain your are feeling that compels you to self-medicate via alcohol. Face each day with a renwed perspective that in-spite our your weaknesses you can have the life of your dreams. Believe that you are here for a purpose--and it may be beyond your comprehension at this time. What are you good at? Don't answer drinking! You have a talent or a gift of some type--use it. Share it with others. Get out of the bar--get out of the house--volunteer. Take on the concerns of others and you'll be to busy to get hammered. Plus, gett'in hammered always feels worse the day after. You are still young, being divorced at this stage of life could be the best thing for you if you would use creative problem solving to benefit others.
Hell, go to the gym---start walking or some physical activity to burn out that booze---stay clear for a while--count the money you save-not buying booze. Booze brings the Blues. So what, your a little blue right now---you were born to do something special---you are here at this time to help mankind--in some way.
Find it--write that book or poem--sing that song--bake those pastries--cook that food--don't leave this planet without trying. Hey, did you know there's buried treasure in your town? Go to the Cemetry--there's numerous examples of people that did not use their gifts just beneath the surface.
Give, pay it forward, be a blessing to someone, visit Seniors---help the homeless---You have a purpose! At least we've met through this--I believe in you--Now, prove me right!
Only you can define what is "Happiness" --seek its definition!

Answer 3

You have to look inside yourself and get to the root cause, books and self help things are all well and good but don't always give the answers you looking for, only you can do that yourself, look I know it must be really hard for you, but 2 days off the booze is brilliant, 48 hours, say that and it sounds much better than two days, you need to keep yourself busy and get out of the house a bit more as hard as it may be, don't sit at home thinking about your problems, get to the root cause and do something about it, the minuet you feel low think of something positive like how long you have been off the booze for, be proud of yourself and stop doing yourself down all the time, all the best to you and good luck.

Answer 4

Find something positive to focus on. Some suggestions are volunteering (helping someone else can really put things in perspective and give you a boost in self esteem), a hobby that you enjoy, and a physical activity. For me physical activities like running and yoga really change my outlook. The endorphins that are released when you exercise can improve your mood. Its like a natural drug or alcohol only its good for you! Starting out if your not in shape can be rough but once you are into it you don't regret it and look forward to it. Getting involved in a hobby you enjoy is also a way to bring more happiness into your life. Also, learning something new that you think you might enjoy can add pleasure to your life. I always wanted to SCUBA dive and I got certified and loved it. Now its another positive activity I can plan for when I am down or feeling blue, it gives me something to look forward to. I hope you will feel better soon!

Answer 5

Hey! don't say that,God loves you and want you to be happy,but it's your move,you can't just sit and wait for a miracle You must be the miracle.I know what you're feeling though.You feel lonely because you have no one to have by your side and as years pass,loneliness grows and grows.Meet new people (especially woman) have some fun,but try to get away a bit from drinks.That will not help you,nobody likes to be with an alcoholic,you'll drive then away.You'll see.....there's somebody out there waiting for a guy like you,just go out look for her.Good Luck and Take Care!

Answer 6

You say, that you've tried church, but have you tried Jesus? He is the only way to ease your burden of alcoholism. You must first accept Him as your Savior and have faith that he can help you through. Have faith in your abilities and strenght as well. These things are not easy to conquer and don't happen overnight. You didn't become addicted overnight, it was over time. The cure and faith work the same, OVERTIME! Little by little jesus will begin to work miracles in you. I beleive tha tHe will even use you to help others in the same predicament. The devil wants you to fail, so he makes you feel hopeless. I am a witness that Jesus Is The Light and has come to save You out of love and mercy. He Loves You! I Love You my brother. Please Hold On A Little Longer and Stronger. Jesus Is On The Way!

Answer 7

I think we can all feel that way at times in our lives. I have. I don't feel that way now. Actually at this moment I am trying real hard to find the right words for you. Do you have family? Anyone close to you that can help you through this? Have you tried a rehab at all? The alchohol can be a real depressant. Were you put here on this earth to be unhappy, to live an unhappy life? NO!!!!! God has a good plan for our lives. Just because you haven't found that yet, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. If you tried church, it evidently wasn't the right one. Did you reach out to anyone there? Have you shared your feelings with a christian person? If you have and they didn't reach out to you, then they need to take a look at thier faith, or lack of it. You need support. Try some more churches... Christian support groups... God loves you and feels your pain. Reach out to him. get yourself in a quiet place by yourself and call out to him. Ask him to help you, that you need him now! That he said he would never leave you nor forsake you and feel you are being forsaken! Be honest with God. Admit your downfalls and ask his forgiveness. Ask him, welcome him into your life... Pray like you never have before, he will hear you! There are some that may see this as a joke, it is not a joke! God hears and sees and feels our pain! It is us that pushes him away. Read his word, new testament, John, matthew, Mark, Luke ... Ask for help in reading his word and understanding the message. Ask not just for a persons help, but Gods help to understand what he wants his word to say to you. God loves you, He loves you ! You are a special child to him. We are all special in his eyes. Please don't give up in this fight. Life can be a real hard fight for some of us.... We have a loving Father that wants to reach out and hold you in his arms and show you that he can bring you the peace and love and joy. Jesus is the WAY, the TRUTH and the LIFE! Honey please try God again, be open and honest with him and with yourself. he knows all of your pain, he knows your past he has a future for you. he can take anything negative and make it positive and use it in your life for Positive things. I KNOW, I DO KNOW, For a FACT! I am a person that has felt a lot of pain, felt rejected, felt like an outcast at times, ran away from God and christians for a long time. It was when I came running back and started being honest with God and myself that positve changes started taking place in my life. I work a job I don't care for, but Im not jobless, I don't have a lot of money, but I have a place to live and food to eat, I don't expensive clothing or drive a new car, BUT, I have decent clothes on my back and a little car that runs just fine and meets my needs. GOD loves you and he Cares about you. I pray for you to find the peace and love you need . GOD BLESS YOU SWEETIE!

Answer 8

Go out and get a life happiness needs to be earned. You cannot expect it to come knocking on your door. Join a club, a dating site, take up a new activity, anything but don't just sit there feeling sorry for yourself. No one like a sad looking moaner. Try smiling--it could work wonders.

Answer 9

Don't give up trying, Mr Goodlooking. You will succeed! Everybody has their downfalls. I, too, am 45 and have been divorced for many years (11). Nobody expects you to be perfect. Have reasonable expectations of yourself. If you set your goals too high, that is a sure setup for failure. Just take it day by day, be realistic and you'll be fine!

Good luck!

Answer 10

Get some positive friends. You only do this stuff becasue YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TOO. you have to give it some time and maybe beat yourself up not to do it. If 12 step didn't work keep going. You have to want to be there to get the help that its providing. If this is what you want then you have to be persistant about it. KEEP GOING!!!