1
I don't think you knew
All the thoughts of you in my head
All the things I would do for you
Killing me slowly....
Wishing I was Dead
It's like a drug
Taken before bed
Crying, looking above
Killing me slowly....
Wishing I was dead
2
When the Rain falls
my thoughts of you come to view
the rain reminds me of my tear drops
like heaven's crying too
I miss the tender words you say
that made my heart ring
and took my breath away
I feel your passion and love
that helps me pull through
I know we'll be together again one day
I can feel it in my heart
(so wut do u think?)
2007-02-26 03:03:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
well done..very good.
2007-02-26 03:09:18 · answer #1 · answered by Gõlden angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The timing is a bit off. You could probably put it to music, I know I could. I'd have to change the lines around a little. It sounds like you had a deep affectionate love for someone who passed. I think you could do a little better. You have potential. I write to and sing. I have actually published mine and I sing alot of mine at funerals and weddings. Keep writing. I could feel your pain. Don't let anyone make fun of you. If you like writing poems keep on writing Girl. It's the best mental release there is . Good Luck Friend! God Blees Ya!
2007-02-26 11:20:54 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it.
Here's one of mine:
Permanent Temporary
Our lives both run wrong directions
Yet the feelings pull strongly together
We can't promise too much for certain
So we promise to be there whenever
I know that there will be tomorrow
I know that we never will marry
I know that I can't be without you
I become your permanent temporary
You go home to be with your troubles
I go back to my nothing to wait
We realize our next burst of passion
Is held in the rough hands of fate
Never in all our childhood dreams
Does love ever challenge as this
The stem of the rose has so many thorns
Before reaching the flower of bliss
So we share in what hidden joy we find
In worlds alone too large to carry
Knowing in need you can call on me
I am your permanent temporary
Laughing Dolphin Music
2007-02-26 11:10:04 · answer #3 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first poem says how much you are thinking of this person,but yet you want to die,you are not on the same page with this one.The second poem is talking about depression,missing a person,yet the rain makes you sad and this makes you think of this person in a positive way,that one is o.k.
2007-02-26 11:12:50 · answer #4 · answered by roll tide 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like the first one, it kinda reminds me of an evanescence song and Ev ROCKS !!!!
2007-02-26 11:12:56 · answer #5 · answered by ♀ǐcƏ_ƇơĿƉ♀ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, now do something with them. Get them published or put to music.
2007-02-26 11:06:45 · answer #6 · answered by jam_please 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cool. full of emotions.
2007-02-26 11:25:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it move me
2007-02-26 11:08:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋