We have been togather 3 years, lived togather for 2. i bring home a steady paycheck each week, his job is commisioned based. some months he will bring home $3000 & some months its $200. He is horrible with money, when he gets a check he blows it! We hardly have $ for rent each month. I have had to take out 2 personal loans just to make up for back rent. I have given him almost $10,000 in 3 yrs. His family always calls for $ I have given his sister close to $800 to put food on the table for her kids. I have never got any money back from anyone. I have given him $ for a x-box that he later sold to his friend and I never saw any money from the sale nor did he tell me he was going to sell it. I have paid for clothes b/c he tells me he 'forgot' his wallet at home once we got the. I dont know what to do. I have not given him money in a few months. His credit is horrible, due to student loans and credit cards while he is in college. How do I get my money back with no hard feelings??
2007-02-26 02:58:44 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I honestly think the only thing that is holding our relationship togather is this debt. I don't want to leave him because i dont' want to loose my $. In our state the most I can get in court is $5k some things are hard to prove like $200 here and $100 there. However I have a log that is current w/dates amounts and the 'reason' for it. When we fight, he claims all i worry about his me me me and mine mine mine...Oh ya he drives MY car that I paid for that I put insurance on that I keep serviced ! Granted I do have 2 vehicles but he has only paid me $500 in over a year for allowing him to drive it. That does not even cover the Insurance !!!! Do I love him?? Yes. Do I want to stay with him? Yes. But i come from a banking family for me to have all this debt because of him is killing me and the relationship. however I feel bad if his mom need $500 to pay a electric bill that she forgot about and now she doesn't have heat. I feel like i have to give him the $ so i dont look look like a brat.
2007-02-26 03:05:51 · update #1
oh ya he works 60 hours a week so there is no room for a 2nd job or any thing like that and i work 50 hours at my job.
2007-02-26 03:09:01 · update #2
tell him about it and BE STRAIGHT UP! Tell him it bothers you and your afraid of ruining the relationship because of money. talk to him like an adult and tell him he needs to be responsible or pick up another job!!!
2007-02-26 03:02:45 · answer #1 · answered by sportman16977 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you even loan him this much money? I doubt you will ever get it back, unless you have proof of everything you have ever bought him. If you do have proof, I would take him to court.
You need to either dump him, or get him to start managing his money better. My fiance was pretty bad about spending money too, but he never asked me for money. I got him to put half of his paycheck each week into MY savings account via direct deposit. This way I can say what he spends it on and what he doesn't. I also use it to pay his bills. This way, whatever is put into his personal checking account is just spending money for him. His bills are paid, and he has some savings now. You have been together for 3 years and live together. This means you need to start having joint finances. I really think you should start taking care of the finances if you two stay together. Just make sure you let him have some money for himself. If he only has a set amount to spend, that's all he will spend. You may also want to sit down and come up with a budget for him. Commission paid jobs are very difficult to keep a budget with, but he needs to make sure he has some savings for those months when he only brings home $200.00.
2007-02-26 11:14:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I find myself unable to give you any empathy. The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. So, stop giving anyone any money. Period.
By the way, you ARE using the word, "Giving." You are not using the word, "Loaning." I don't see how you can have any expectation of anyone giving you any money back. If someone gives me a gift, I do not feel any obligation whatsoever to repay it. If someone gives me a loan, however, I do.
You say you are from a banking family. So, let me ask you a question. What does a bank do when someone who has not paid them back comes asking for more money? Do they throw good money after bad, or do they refuse the request? I think you know the answer to that. Start behaving like a bank.
In short, write off what you have "given" as an expensive lesson learned. Next time anyone asks you for money, even if it's "to put food on the table," open up your mouth and utter one, single, powerful syllable: NO!
2007-02-26 11:42:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt you'll be able to get your money back, hard feelings or not. In my opinion, it's best for you to cut your losses and stop giving him a cent. It is not your job to subsidize his lifestyle. I mean, honestly, he cannot manage his own responsibilities, and neither can his family, apparantly. You are enabling him to be irresponsible because he knows all he has to do is ask, and you'll be there to back him up financially.
Even if you were awarded the money by a court, what's the difference? He has bad credit, so he can't get a loan to pay you back, his family can't help him because they're relying on YOU to pay their bills, and he obviously can't pay you back on his own, so where do you think the repayment money is coming from? It isn't. You're fooling yourself if you think you'll ever get that money back.
Try this. You love him and want to stay with him. Tell him the ATM is now and forever closed-to both him and his family, and see how much your love is reciprocated. I suspect he'll find someone else to freeload off of. You're obviously a caring person-direct your effort to someone who deserves you.
2007-02-26 11:07:58 · answer #4 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to say forget the $ in the long run it's only going to cost you more. I would be straight up and tell him you need the $ and if he doesn't pay you back take him to court and get the 5K it's better than 0. If you stay with him you will never have anything and he will keep you down been there done that. I am sure you love him but what he is doing is not fair to you. Good Luck!
2007-02-26 11:20:00 · answer #5 · answered by Shorty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen, the handwriting is on the wall...you will have a life of misery and debt if you ever marry this guy..My advice is to get rid of him and fast. This guy is bad news and I am very surprised that you have endured this situation for as long as you have. Are you a masochist? This is abuse! But not physical, it is financial abuse! We all need money to live and he is taking away all that you earn and your good credit besides. Do you have such low self esteem that you stay with a guy like this? He is a total leech, and money grabber and he will continue to do this to you as long as you let him. GET RID OF THIS CREEP! He is a total waste. You deserve a better life and a better partner in life. Don't be afraid because that is what he is counting on..your fear of change and being alone. Not wanting to rock the boat. You know this is wrong..you just need someone to tell you that. Go for it...dump that creep fast.
2007-02-26 11:16:00 · answer #6 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am pretty sure you are not gonna get the money back....ever.
sounds like this is a family with no shame. i have met people like this, who would ask for ANYTHING! sometimes it is just hard to say no.
i think you have two choices. either get out while the getting is still good and let someone else be his sugar momma, or learn how to say no. put the clothes back on the racks if he forgets his wallet, and show him in any other way that you can that you won't be his sugar momma. relationships are suposed to be equal effort from both parties...... if he has a bad month of commision, that is one thing, but if he is taking advantage of you, that is a whole other ball game.
â¥
2007-02-26 11:07:47 · answer #7 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you enjoy being the personal ATM machine. Since you come from a banking family as you say. Don't understand how you could ALLOW this to happen. Once you get tired of this you will put a stop to it. Until that happens you will just keeping the money flowing.Also you are worrying to much about FEELINGS.
2007-02-26 11:19:02 · answer #8 · answered by Monty L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop giving out money.
Get your own apartment until he gets it together.
Tell him how serious the situation is, and tell him it's imperative he start paying you back...now.
We all pick our battles, but this is one I wouldn't fight. I'd leave now. You aren't married (thank god), no kids, so go. It sounds like he has shown you what kind of a person he is (financially) over the last few years. Unless he seriously wants to change, that's probably how he'll be, as long as you act as a form of support to him. Cut him off, it'll be best for you...and him. Good luck to you.
(PS. Have you read Dave Ramsey? Buy him the book.)
2007-02-26 11:06:53 · answer #9 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're crazy for staying in that relationship. You are being used of course as you already know, as an ATM machine. It keeps happening to you because you are allowing it to happen. They figure you have been giving out money all this time you're not going to stop now. If the apt. is in your name, kick him out. If the apt. is in his name, I would move out. It's not your responsibility to put food on the table for someone else's children. I may sound crewel, I don't mean to, but I wouldn't do it anymore. Let her go and get some financial help to feed her children. If you don't put an end to it yourself, you can't complain about it because then people are going to say that you deserve it, all because, again I will say, YOU"RE ALLOWING IT TO HAPPEN. CLOSE THE ATM MACHINE once and for all.
2007-02-26 11:10:53 · answer #10 · answered by Dee G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, unless u have it in writing that the money was a loan then ur screwed out of all that money!!! U basically gave it away!!! I would close up the bank and say acct closed ! When he asks why as I suspect he will... tell him bankrupt due to lack of funds being deposited. If u try to take him to court he could say all of it was gifts and since you have nothing in writing... it's ur word against his.... So, when anyone asks for money... say the same thing especially if they didn't repay the last time they borrowed.... acct closed... went bankupt due to lack of deposits!!!! It wouldn't hurt my feelings one bit to deny anyone money for any reason if I knew that they wouldn't return it! Good Luck !!!!
2007-02-26 11:08:30 · answer #11 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋