hey i need help!! i am due to have a baby boy. my boyfriends mother is or seems jealous. She will tell me onething and then go back and tell him something different he is in jail due to the fact that his mother was never there for him. i mean she lets her 16 year old drink every weekend. and she wont even go visit him at the jail without her new boyfriend. it sounds wrong that he is in there but he just went back and he was there for me for most of the pregnancy. i just am not sure what to do because she hasnt helped me through any of the pregnancy until recently. my own grandmother has been there for me more the my boyfriends mother!!!anyways... she wants to be at the hospital when i have the baby but im not ok with that. she also thinks that shes gonna be at my house everyday visiting the baby and i dont want that... i mean for god sakes her new bf wanted to bring a video camera to the hospital! how nasty... i was able to put my foot down about that. but what do i do about her?
2007-02-26 02:51:34 · 21 answers · asked by blmandtmf 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Seriously, give your baby up for adoption so this child doesn't get involved in this mess.
2007-02-26 02:57:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yikes!! My mom in law wanted to come in the room with me for my first child too and I just said no. She accepted this though. Do you have someone who you trust to come in with you though? You don't want to be alone giving birth.
She is probably just excited about having a grandchild, but I honestly would rethink your relationship with the whole family...your boyfriend is in jail because of something he did, not somehitng his mom did, otherwise she would be in jail too. Even if he had a bad upbringing, he still needs to be responsible for his actions. Are you bringing a child into a mess?
Your first priority has to be the baby. Not you, not your boyfriend, and not your boyfriend's mother. Tell she is welcome to come see the baby at the hospital, but she needs to understand that you are not comfortable with them at the birth.
As far as her coming over everyday, honestly I had my curtains closed and didnt answer the door if anyone showed up without calling first, mother in law included. I would tell her later, oh I couldn't answer the door I was busy with the baby or b aby and I were sleeping. Same with answering the phone. My message would say, oh I must be busy with the baby. Pls leave a message.
I swore that when I became a mom in law I would remember what a new mom needs. Mom in laws take note: New mom don't need someone to take the baby all the time, we want the baby. We need someone to do help with the laundry, make the dinner, clean the house, make their son's lunch for work. That would truly be helpful an loving.
2007-02-26 03:06:40 · answer #2 · answered by Freebird 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason she shouldnt be at the hospital....as far as in the room with a video camera that is where i draw the line...babies change people and i know from experience...if she wants to be there then i say just let her flatter herself...then when after you have the baby make it a point to seem busy which you will be with a baby...you might need the extra help one day and she might just come through for you...sorry about your boyfriend...but life cant suck all the time...it gets better...good luck sweety
2007-02-26 03:01:11 · answer #3 · answered by LUCKYGIRL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a) you can't blame your boyfriends being in jail because she wasn't there for him....he made his own choices.
b) I see your point on the having her there for the baby. Just tell her that you only want 1 person in the room with you and that is going to be--the baby's father or someone from your family who's helping you. Tell her she can wait in the waiting room if she wants or you'll have someone call when the baby is born.
c) limit the visitors you get at home for everyone not just her. tell her she's welcome to stop by, but you will need some time with out company so you can adjust to being a mother. You won't always have help, so you'l;l need time to figure things out on your own.
2007-02-26 03:23:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your right to raise your child the way you want to . If you don't want your child to drink then she can't make him...lol! no really, your just gonna have to tell her to back off. You can tell your doc and nurses at the hospital that ouy don't want her there and they will not let her in. As far as when you come home you don' t really have to let her in. Don't answer the door. Or tell her she has to call and make sure it's a good time to come over. I don't allow my sons grandmother to see him because of the same BS....I want my son to have a better role model and not be around drinking and drugs and all that crap that she lets go on in her own home. So yes I can realte. Just put your foot down. Good luck w/ your delivery
2007-02-26 03:14:16 · answer #5 · answered by cinnycinda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you've already got your friend as your birthing partner and that only 1 person is allowed in the delivery suite with you. That will solve the problem of her being there at the birth. With regards to her visiting constantly after the birth, tell her that you'd appreciate it if she came over once a week to help out but that you will have plenty of other people visiting and that you'll need a rest at some point too. Explain that you'll be tired and the baby will need sleep, and too many visitors could prevent him from getting the sleep he needs.
2007-02-26 02:56:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to instruct the staff at the hospital when you go into deliver that there are specific people you want allowed in and no one else (I'll assume you want someone with you). The staff are very good at playing the bad guy, they do it all the time. You don't need to explain yourself or anything make sure they know who you want in and tell them that those are the only people who are allowed (you could even give them specifics like who you want kept out). This woman is not giving birth to this baby, you are. You have every right to be comfortable with who you have with you. I myself never allow anyone but my husband (and of course the hospital staff). Oh, and don't let her know when you go into the hospital to deliver. You can have someone (maybe her son?) notify her after the fact.
2007-02-26 03:00:36 · answer #7 · answered by autumnofserenity@sbcglobal.net 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her point blank you don't want her there during the delivery. I'm guessing she won't like that answer and will probably show up anyway. Make sure when you do go to the hospital that you tell the nurses and doctors that you don't want her in the room. They will be the guards and not let her in. They can get security or whoever to escort them out if needed.
2007-02-26 03:01:55 · answer #8 · answered by Terri B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I highly doubt your boyfriend is in jail because "his mother was never there for him." That's not a punishable offense. He had to have committed a crime. As far as her wanting to be at the hospital, I'd say something like "I wouldn't be comfortable if anyone except (my mother, my father, my friend etc.) were there. You are more than welcome to be in the lobby or visiting room, but I'd like to have a private delivery." The mother may be trying to reach out and create a relationship with you because she wants to have one with her grandson, but she may not know that she's making you a little uncomfortable. You have to be mature and upfront about it if you want to be respected for your decision. Good luck and congratulations on the baby.
2007-02-26 02:59:31 · answer #9 · answered by Barbara B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that she is not allowed in the delivery room and then make sure the nurses know. They can keep her out. Regarding your boyfriend, maybe you should forget about him too. He is not in jail because of his mother, he did something illegal and that is why he is in there. You need to concentrate on your baby now and not expose him to people who shouldn't be around him. You have the control as to who is around your baby so don't waiver from that.
2007-02-26 03:01:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When it's time to have that baby, you can put your foot down about anything you want! Yes, you can refuse to have her in your room at the hospital. Yes, you can refuse to have her come over every day. This is all up to YOU! As far as her not helping out, do you really want her to be helping you out at all? Just be grateful to your Grandma! Remember, these choices are yours to make, you just need to gather up the courage to make them. As far as your boyfriend, I'm sorry, but I'm sure his mother didn't put him in jail...everyone is responsible for their own actions, and I'm quite sure he knows right from wrong, legal from illegal. Hopefully things will work out for you.
2007-02-26 03:00:03 · answer #11 · answered by karen p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋