I grew up in a bit of a dysfunctional household. I love both of my parents VERY much, and I also have two sisters. We talk regularly, but are not extremely close. I have been married for 3 and half years now, and was really hoping to be close to my in-laws. Since my husband and I had started dating nearly 5 years ago, there were a few incidents where I felt they were trying to "sabotage" our relationship from the beginning. My husband did set some boundaries with them, but I feel that he still does not see how they really treat me. He is in the military and is gone a lot. They have nothing to do with me when he is gone, but he is not here to experience this, so it is hard for him to believe it, I guess. The last week they have started to call, but I feel it is only because he is coming home to visit soon. It really irritates me. I cannot stand "fake" people! I have often gone out of my way to try to make plans to do things with them and I am ignored.
2007-02-26 02:51:29 · 5 answers · asked by Dolphin73 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My sister and my Mom have both suggested that I stop trying to be so accomodating, as it is obviously not appreciated! I am tired of killing myself trying to "win them over." It is pretty obvious that they do not like me. I know he wants for us to spend time with his family while he is home, and I can be polite. I just am having a hard time getting over my hurt feelings/anger. His family and I are both guilty of doing things that have upset each other, so I do not only place blame on them for the state of our relationship. I just do not know what to do anymore! I want to help him see how they treat me when he is gone without starting World War 3 between him and I. I would appreciate respectful, constructive advice. I do not need insults. This is a serious issue.
2007-02-26 02:55:47 · update #1
serenity, that is your only hope.
you can't control what other people do.
you can't make anyone change.
so just pray for serenity when you feel like you are about to lose your head.
don't let them get the best of you, and don't stoop to their level.
and don't let them ruin your day.
enjoy your time with you hubby. sounds like it will be just a visit, so make the most of it, and don't let these worries get you down.
you know you make your own happiness.
♥
p.s. let your hubby make his own plans with them. (they can include you) but let him determine how much time he wants to spend with them on his visit.
2007-02-26 02:59:20 · answer #1 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i asked a similar question last year and the response i got from someone who answered applies in this situation too.....
1.) people only have power over you to irritate and annoy you WHEN YOU LET THEM so do your damndest to do it cause if they do they partially won allready and you gotta be stronger then they are so they don't win,,,,,,,,,
2.) If they don't want anything to do with you except to try and make you miserable when your husband is not around then maybe you need to cut them out of the equation for a while or keep them at arm's length let them have part of the visit for them but monitor what is done and said to make sure seeds are not planted to bite you in the hein din later but just watch and listen without taking action because if you take action on just a suspicion without proof it can bite you in the rear end later so for now when he's around just watch and listen otherwise you will let on that you know what they are up to too soon
that is the best i can do this mornin advisewise
hope it helped
2007-02-26 11:01:07 · answer #2 · answered by Pale Rider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, they have started to call- let the messages go DIRECTLY TO VOICE MAIL. Personally I would not return ANY calls, let your husband return any calls once he returns. Perhaps its time for you to step back and NOT be a part of a situation that continually upsets you. Let your husband deal with his family- you deal with yours. You and he both then have quality time with each parents. If it is necessary to be around them then choose some neutral grounds, not each others homes. Space has a wonder window for others to look into and maybe your hubby will see just how they are treating you.
2007-02-26 11:07:41 · answer #3 · answered by sylviavnpttn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change how they act, but you can change how you react. Just be polite when they are around, but stop trying to make plans with them, you'll only be let down again. In time, you may become closer, or you may not.
2007-02-26 10:58:11 · answer #4 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Best thing i can tell you to do is move away from them to another state i had to do that when my ex was in the military we lived to different states where he was transferred and it was never in any states they lived so i know what you are going through but it worked for us.
2007-02-26 10:57:54 · answer #5 · answered by Denny O 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋