Why do many people only look at my shortcomings not my good points?

Question

I am pretty, intelligent, musical, honest and would never hurt anybody. I know I'm a bit shy but why many people (except my friends and ppl that know me) only look at my shortcomings not my good points? Are ppl like this coz their competitive? Why should I talk to them if they don't want to know me? Why do they only judge me on my outside not inside although ppl told me that I'm pretty? How do I change their attitude when they judge me as if they know me but they don't? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

It is probably because they see in you qualities they would like themselves and are jealous. People will only judge you on the outside because that is all they can see. Unfortunately you wont be able to change the way other people think of you but you can change the way you look at yourself ...... Hope this helps :)

Answer 2

In my opinion, it's probably not your problem - you say you're a bit shy, and shy people are usually not arrogant, stuck up, or vain. But other people don't know that.

The only way you can change their attitude is to change your own attitude. You may have to become slightly more positive, warm, friendly, outgoing. You may be a very nice person inside, but if you keep it inside & don't let it out, other people will simply think... that you're not nice.

Here is a tip: if you wish others to point out your negatives less, then you will First have to point out their positives more. This is because when you point out their positives, they will be less likely to criticize you... why? Because few people criticize those who compliment them. (Nobody shoots the messenger of good news.)

In general, the "spiritual" principle is: give to others, what you would wish to receive for yourself.

So when you change your behavior, others will often change their behavior to you.

Reasons for other people judging you prematurely:
This also depends on how old you are. If you're still a teenager or lower 20s, then it's probably pretty common for people to focus on other people's shortcomings. School life can be competitive - and many people have a lot of mental luxury to criticize. It's not you - it's them.

If you're older (mid 20s and higher) and already working, then this might be less normal. In general, working people have a lot less mental energy/time to spare to use it to criticize the shortcomings of people they barely know. They spare their criticism for people who directly matter in their lives: co-workers, bosses, partners, politicians, etc.

Another consideration: if you're from a culturally Asian background, then it's largely cultural and not your fault at all. What you describe sounds a bit Asian. Many traditionally oriented East Asian parents & seniors, point out shortcomings as areas for improvement. It's supposed to be an expression of encouragement, but it obviously comes across as criticism.

I hope some of this was helpful for you.

Answer 3

Some facts...
- Most people are critical...they look at the negatives a lot more than the positives...lots of reasons...maybe they define their worth by judging other people harshly
- You can't control their thoughts and feelings. You can change their attitudes.
- You can, however, INFLUENCE how they see you.
- And you CAN control how you see yourself. You seem like a terrific person, so believe in yourself, always be your own best friend first...and other friends will follow.

Mainly, choose your friends wisely. Don't get needy and settle for a bunch of jerks. You deserve good friends. Remember, it takes time to make a friend.

A good approach...PERSIST in being kind and considerate and positive, no matter what. Show an interest in the people you enjoy or care about, no matter what. DO NOT react negatively when they are negative.

Answer 4

Whoa, hold on, here......Aren't you making a big generalization here? "MANY people ONLY look at my shortcomings...." My question is this: are you POSITIVE this is how other people view you? You mentioned the fact that the persons in question do not know you very well; but then you can't possibly know *them* very well, either. So how do you know exactly that they are only focusing on your bad points?

Are you sure that you are not simply misinterpreting the signs?

I have found that when people feel criticized, or under appreciated, the person who is by far the most critical and judgmental of them, is *themselves*.

In psychology, this is called the "Mirror Bias." Because in general, we have now way of knowing at first glance what people think of us, we tend to consistently overrate, or underrate other people's opinions of us (among other things..)

Now, if this site is any indication, there *are* a lot of prejudiced, judgmental people out there, and this humble writer is no exception.

But *you* know that you are not a bad person, right? So it is pretty safe to make the assumption that most people will like you and consider you a "good person" once they get to know you.

So my point is, stop projecting you own insecurities into other people whom you don't know.

Good luck!
~Donkey Hotei

Answer 5

You mention twice in your question that you are pretty and that people judge the outside , do you maybe project the I love me love me too scenario , how do you know what people judge you as? I have low self esteem sometimes and wonder what people think of me but at the end of the day I have no idea what they think . I don't ask them and the don't offer their opinion but you appear to be very informed of this. I figure if we don't buddy up then they remain an acquaintance , if we hit it off then I got a new buddy , I don't dwell on the first one, such is life. Maybe be glad and proud of the true friends you have and hang with the rest.

Answer 6

What you're speaking about is why I in effortless words have a handful of acquaintances. i do no longer gossip, and do unlike gossip. If someone can not say awesome issues I absolutely have not time for them. and that i have continually felt this type from my adolescents on all the way down to my mid 50's. All gossip starts with jealousy, and it really is for making particular human beings sense out of step. so that they'd sense extra on genuine of issues of their lives. because they see that you've yours on genuine of issues. It makes them sense insecure. So as a replace of creating themselves extra appropriate, and attempting extra sturdy it really is a lot less complicated to run you down, do no longer play into this infantile sport. you're a really awesome youthful female. in case you commence conserving no longer awesome issues then you're not any extra appropriate than them, and that i'm getting the sensation it would hardship you want it would hardship me if I did. stay on the reliable route, and be a tremendous female.. quickly with your celebration others will connect you and this stupid click element will crash...have little question about this, you're already helpful. you're a pacesetter, and also you would have genuine acquaintances which will very last your lifetime the picture of I do., Luka

Answer 7

Unfortunately you are running afoul of the begrudgers ... it sounds like you are frustrated at some navel-gazing gobshites who can't see beyond the end of their own noses - I'm thinking that part of you admires them and would like to get in with this clique.

My advice? Go do your own thing and forget about them. If they are so superficial, why do you want to be bothered with them? You sound much nicer than them, from what you describe they are a sad bunch who are obsessed with scoring points rather than living their lives.

So hang out with those who truly appreciate you, and be friendly to everyone, and make your own friends. Don't bother with people who you can't see eye-to-eye with. Life is much too short.

Answer 8

Why worry about people who treat you this way ? you will meet many nice people in this world who hold nothing against the way that you look,blinker yourself to accept only those nicer type of people who hold no grudges against you,and above all have the confidence to mingle only with people who accept you for what you are.
There are always people who will stab you in the back to get their own way,you must have more about you to deal with such situations,above all be yourself and do not stoop to their level.

Answer 9

We can't help it, it's human nature to judge each other - even subconsciously. You've just got to rise above it. And besides, you sound fairly confident to me: what do you genuinely care what other people (especially those who don't know you) think about you? You know who you are "inside"; if you're happy with that, that's the most important thing.

Answer 10

There must be a disparity between your inner and outer beauty which others notice right away. Lack of genuineness is generally the reason. Little "cuties" usually grow into big bitches unfortunately.