How to get stubborn teenage daughter to cooperate and go to school?

Question

My 15 years old daughter has been very oppositional since childhood. When whe was 2, I put her in time-out, when the time-out was up I told her she could come off the steps. She said "I don't want to" and she continued to sit on the time-out stairs. Thus began the stuggle for control.
Now as a teenager if I ask her to do things, i.e. dishes, pick up clothes, she usually refuses though occationally she will cooperate. We used to be close, loving, and I thought she would eventually grow up and be less selfish and stubborn. Wrong.
She is now refusing to get up and go to school. She is too old and strong to drag her out of bed and dress her. We've taken away TV, ipod, computer use, going out. She refuses to talk to a couselor/therapist. I've tried to be nice, tried to joke with her, tried to reason, yelled, nothing seems to work. She is now laying in bed, draws in her book and is driving me crazy.
I need help and advice, I find it harder every day to love her.

Answer 1

first of all show you daughter what it is like without an education. Tell her if she isn't going to school then she needs to find a job making some kind of money to help pay for you her food, gas etc. It may be something at school that isn't making her want to go. Such as people picking on her or she feels as an outcast. Maybe talk to her teachers and see how she acts at school. Then lay your foot down and take control. If she isn't going to help out then send her to a place for teen girls. I believe a weekend in with other bad teens may help her, but that is a last resort thing. Keep those things such as computer, pod and other things that she wants to do away from her. But don't give up on her, she is your daughter and the last thing she needs is her parents to give up on her. But I think show her how it is to be an adult. Cause I know I would choose school over work any day...

Answer 2

Stop Look, and Listen. She's a teenager, your the adult, your in charge. There is no two ways about it. Get her straight now or suffer later. I have a daughter whom is 34 now. We are estranged now because i cared more about giving in to her as a teenager. I didn't want to be mean, and I wanted her to be happy, and have a great childhood. Big mistake. Make her do what she's supposed to do or there should be consequences. I'm just trying to help you out and i want you to know if you do not make her do whats right for her, she will have no respect for you.. She's a teenager, she has no clue what life is really about yet. Oh I'm not finished. My daughter use to write in books all the time, that's the way they ignore you and think of there own plans. Well I made a mistake I did everything under the sun for my daughter her feelings meant more to me than what was right or wrong. Mistake. She left me at age 17, she's now 34 has seven kid's, three different fathers, none will pay child support, the kid's have either been with me, or in DHS custody many times. My daughter has 15 years probation if she get even a traffic ticket she's going to prison. That's what giving into a teenage girl gets you. You might think that this won't happen to you, it can. Please get some help. P.S. if my duaghter goes to prison, i get all 7 children, from ages 16 to 2.

Answer 3

She is not yet old enough to legally drop out so call the police and they will send a truancy officer over to take her to school. If that doesn't scare her, it should embarass her enough to go on her own. I think someone may have said this already but if she doesn't go to school, you will be held responsible and could possibly incur fines. If she threatens to leave the school grounds once she's there, go to every class with her. I know it seems unrealistic but I have seen many parents do it and it works. Also, make her school aware of the situation so they can alert you when she's not there and work with you on a solution.

Answer 4

Pack her up and move her out. Tell her she has a month to find a job and an apartment.

Yes, that's tough love, but without involving the police that is about the only way you are going to get through to her. You might want to have an attorney help you as you are legally responsible for her until she is 18 (and possible older depending on where you live).

Once she's moved out, notify the truant officer at her school. The school, CPS, and the local law officials need to know what you are doing.

It is hard, but she needs to learn that you mean what you say.

Answer 5

I know exactly what you are going through. I've been through the exact same thing with my 13 year old daughter. In my case, there was something going on at school that was making her not want to go even more than usual. I finally got it out of her that she was embarrassed at gym. I worked an alternative out for her during gym class and now she is going to school again without much opposition. Hopefully everything will work out for you. I feel for you!

Answer 6

I know how you feel. I have a 13 year old and she is stubborn too. Although not quite as bad as your daughter, but she is having problems in school, i.e going to school just to socialize - not learn. Maybe you should talk to a counselor/therapist. Someone trained and educated in this area might be able to help you better. Good luck.

Answer 7

Is something going on at school? Have you talked to her teachers? If not, I would call them and ask them what they have seen in her lately (when she is at school). She sounds very depressed. Maybe there are things going on that she is embarassed about or afraid to face--i.e. someone bullying her. My husband had a VERY bad experience at school. He stuck up for another boy and was ostracized by his entire class. They made fun of him and picked on him. His teachers didn't do anything to alleviate the problem. He didn't want to go to school. He became very anti-social and ended up sitting on a toilet with a loaded 22 in his mouth. Luckily his mother found him and stopped him otherwise we wouldn't be married today. But maybe you have to force her to go to a counselor. Maybe just let her be alone with the counselor. I know that it is very hard to watch this happen, but she needs to talk to someone that she trusts. I'm not saying that she doesn't trust you, maybe she is ashamed or afraid of something--rejection or punishment.

Answer 8

if you are not strong enough to drag her, find someone who is. tell her to get dressed, if she doesn't, take her in her p.j's, sit with her all day in school if necessary, involve the juvenile department. this is your responsibility.
your job is to raise a functional human being, who can function in this messed up world we live in. so far it sounds like you are failing.
Tough Love, is a tactic a lot of parents must use.
how a child is going to be is determined by the time they are 7 years old.
Teenagers suck, and it is a very hard age for everyone.
good luck!!!

Answer 9

Your the mother! WHAT you do is drag her out of bed and take her to school in her PJ'S. That will make her want to get dressed before she has to go to school. No kid likes a controlling parent, but its just the way kids are wired. They dont know whats best for them! You need to be firm with her, reassure her that you love her, but that she needs to go to school otherwise you will put her in a boot camp or something.

Answer 10

Call the police tell them that she won't go to school and ask them to come and take her in most states if a kid don't go to school they hold the parent resposible and they go to jail, it will scare her if the cops come and get her or call a truancy officer to come get her.