im pregnant and my mother in law is jealous?

Question

hey i need help!! i am due to have a baby boy. my boyfriends mother is or seems jealous. he is in jail right now and im living at home. im only 17!! anyways his mother has never been there for me throughout the pregnancy. i asked her to not show up at the hospital and she disagreed! she finally last week tried to help me out with a few things i needed for the baby but i think that she only did it because she knows i dont want her at the hospital and thats her way of trying to get it so i will agree to her being there... what am i to do? how do i handle this! i really dont need the stress from her. she also seems to think that after i have the baby shes going to be over to my house everyday visiting. i want to tell her no but how do i do it without hurting my boyfrined?

Answer 1

You are in a tricky situation. Trust me, you do not want to cut her out completely, but of course, she needs to understand boundries. Which is why in my house we have an understanding and that is. Your family is your problem. Which means if I have a problem with his mom, I tell him, and he tells his mom, "back off" or whatever. In general, this works well, because he is here and can see what she is doing, but he is deployed right now (which sort of relates to your situation because we are living seperately). The key is to approach it gently. Chances are, he knows the annoying tendencies his mother has. Approach it like this tell him, I'm pregnant, and your mom is driving me crazy because she ______. Could you ask her to give me some space. Discuss exactly what that means, so he is sure that he understands (guys are dense you have to spell it out). But, make sure you are reasonable about it. None of this, " she isn't allowed to see the child at all" or anything like that cause that will make them both mad at you. Just lay out specific boundries. Maybe she is allowed to come to the hospital, but she must keep her mouth shut or she can come, but not into the delivery room until after the baby is born. She can come to your house, but she must call first or only when invited and she has to do it on your schedule. and no more that (pick a number) times a week. I do urge you not to cut her out completely for the sake of your BF and your child. But I hope what I have said helps.

Answer 2

What is it that makes you think she's jealous? Is there some other tension between you? Keep in mind that it's probably not easy for her having a son in jail and a grandbaby on the way. While she should respect your desires not to be at the hospital, I do think you need to consider carefully your relationship and not sever any ties that you may later regret.

Remember, she's going to be a grandma. They get pretty excited about new babies, especially if it's their first grandbaby. Unless there is a very legitimate reason why she shouldn't be there, I think you should reconsider. Would it hurt for her to be in the waiting room? I think you two need to lay your cards out on the table and be HONEST with each other. You may find that the problems are really nothing more than a lack of communication.

Answer 3

You didn't explain too well about how she seems to be jealous of you. Her wanting to be at the hospital sounds like she wants to be there for you and the baby. Also her wanting to be at your house seems like she only wants to be a part of her grandchild's life. If you didn't have your parents there for you during this time and like you said your boyfriend is in jail, you would be so thankful for her wanting to be at the hospital with you.
She doesn't have to be in the room when you give birth but you'll feel the support when you're in labor.

Also i doubt that she's going to be over at the house every single day of the week, it's an expression that we some times use.
I know when i had my first born i could use all the help for the first few weeks, your going to be very tired!

Some people don't know what they have until they lose it.

Answer 4

First of all, remember that you will always have to deal with this woman, since she is the grandparent of your child. How you start off this relationship with her is going to be the impression of most of this relationship. That being said, trust your gut. Was she really not there for you or did you not ask for help from her? Do you plain not like her? (this happened to me) Do you want help from her? I don't think she's jealous and agree with the person who said she's a little ticked that her son is in jail and got a minor pregnant. She herself might not know how to act around you and is treating you like her daughter (which implies she isn't showing you as much respect as she may another adult female in the same situation) Do you want this woman involved in your babies life? (with or without the boyfriend) If the answer is no, then tell her now. If the answer is yes, but not constantly, then tell her that too. It's best to be upfront and tell her how you feel (once you know how you feel) than to keep it all inside and feel stressed.

And I wouldn't worry about hurting your boyfriend. Baby or not, he may not always be there.

Answer 5

be openminded, gracious, and open-hearted. First off you are only 17, secondly the baby's father is in jail, now you've got a potential loving family member who this baby could really use....the more people who love and care for your baby, the better, don't you think? Besides, if she comes over everyday, put her to work w/the baby while you finish high school....use your brain, stop thinking with your hormones (and yeah, since I am a woman, I can say that). You'll get much further with her if you act like an adult and welcome her into your life than being suspicious and worried that she's going to take your man away from you.

Answer 6

i dont think jealous is the right word. I think it sucks that she didnt offer much help in the beginning but if she is willing to help now i would accept as you will need all the help you can get. Of course i dont know the whole story as im to why you dislike her so much, but it sounds like she just wants to see the baby...it is the product of her son. Be firm about what you want, but i think you should also be fair, you cant deny her from ever seeing the baby. Good luck hope everything works out.

Answer 7

i don't think she's jealous. it sounds like she just upset at the fact that her son is in jail and got a 17 year old pregnant. i wouldn't be happy about the whole thing if i was her either. you don't have to have anyone as the hospital if you do not want to. you are the one having the baby. she can come and visit afterwards. i only had my hubby in the room with me. you do what is right for you and the baby. who really cares what your boyfriend thinks. if obviously didn't care what you thought when he was doing the things that got him put in jail.

Answer 8

You are so young! The poor woman probably freaked out that her loser son is in jail and his under aged girlfriend is having a baby. That is a lot to digest. Give her a break and let her be a part of her grandchild's birth. She is human and as YOU know , we do make mistakes.

Answer 9

Don't call her when you go to the hospital if you don't want her there! Let her know that you don't need her over at your house everyday (I doubt she'll be over EVERY day), but -- believe it or not -- you might want some help from her especially since you don't have your boyfriend around!

Answer 10

Wow, you're 17, pregnant, a BF in jail, and an interfering MIL.

Have the baby and walk away from this disastrous situation or you are in for a life of heartache.