I just broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years a few months ago and found out that she was getting married to someone else. They got married last week. I am in a profound depression and have so much guilt and regret in my heart that it is hard to go to work, do anything.
We were dating long distance the past 1 1/2 years (she lives in a different country) and I thought things were great. I feel so bad because I had so many chances through the years to marry her, and each time I told her I wasn't ready, but that we would get married soon. So, I did postpone things MANY TIMES. She waited SOOO Long for me, then I guess decided she couldn't wait longer. She said she wanted to get married and have a family.and that this other guy was willing to do it and that I never was ready and she thought I never would be. Communication was bad at the end so I wish I knew what she really felt bcs. I would have asked her to marry me. I have so much regret in my heart, it is terrible. I feel so bad
2007-02-26 02:08:31 · 14 answers · asked by robert7 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sometimes we don't realize what we have until it is gone. Learn your lesson and carry it with you forward. Respect your ex's marriage and leave her alone, and be satisfied with the knowledge that you do have. You knew what she needed and you refused to give it to her, so you certainly DID know what she really felt. Remember this lesson in your next relationship.
2007-02-26 02:19:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long distance relationships can be very difficult, to say the least, especially when two people are in different countries. The reasons are quite obvious. She wanted to get married & you didn't feel you were ready. If that is how you truly felt at the time, then you shouldn't feel so bad. You said you broke up with your g/f a "few" months ago & found out that she was already married to someone else. That should raise "red flags" for you, being that a few months ago, you broke up with her & she's already gotten married. Where did he come from so quickly? Stop & think about that!!!! Kind of a quick wedding, wasn't it? We all have gut feelings about things in life & at the time, you weren't ready to settle down & marry. Don't feel so depressed for how you felt, just because she's married now. Just a word of advice. The right girl will come along who lives in the same country as you & preferably, she'll live in your town or in close proximity to where you live. That alone will be better all the way around. You can see each other often, go on dates, talk on the phone a lot cheaper, etc. You'll know when you're truly ready to settle down & get married & have a family. In your mind for now, tell yourself that you hope your ex g/f is happy now & be happy for her. Your sadness & depression will diminsh as time goes by. Go to work & surround yourself with family & friends. Each day will get easier for you. When you stop feeling guilty, the regrets & all the ohter emotions will subside. All the best to you!
2007-02-26 10:47:32 · answer #2 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you feel bad, but if you stop and look at the situation she found a guy to marry in few months. So obviously she was looking during your time together. What should hurt more is not that you lost someone. You lost someone that probably wasn't being honest with you in the first place. There was a reason why you didn't get married, and you have to remember your reasons why. 4 years is not too long in the grand scheme of things. She was talking to some other guy during that time. Dont blame yourself. You were dealing with someone that just found a replacement just like that. As though you meant nothing. Seeing a therapist is good. They will help you sort out and express your feelings to find any underlying issues you might have. Think of this as a learning process. You DID NOT WASTE your time. I know a part of you feels like you were betrayed, and in time I hope you see that she was not true.
2007-02-26 10:57:27 · answer #3 · answered by Need Answers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me clear the air for you sport. Know what you're feeling? Its called "rejection". Oh sure you have regrets. Should have said this...should have done that...on and on right? But it boils down to this. You became complacent in the relationship. The company was good and the sex was good. You had some great times together. But...you didn't want to commit and make it permanent...for whatever reason and there is no crime in that.
You're suffering from rejection, a tinge of jealousy and regret forms out of these two things because there is a large slice of love and caring mixed in.
So.....it will pass. You need to start another relationship. Do things with someone to get your mind off of it. A word of caution. DO NOT jump into a sexual relationship with a woman as salve for this problem you're having now. Date and go places but don't rush.
You realized your shortcomings in this last relationship. make it a point to take this gingerly and learn from your past. It'll be beneficial in the future.
2007-02-26 10:47:10 · answer #4 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight: you dated for four years, and you broke up only a few months ago, but for the last 18 months you have been seperated by geography?
And 3 motns after your "official" breakup, she's getting married? Wow!. She sure did play you. You thought your relationship was on solid ground while she was courting somebody else, and she dumped you for the guy that lived near her, and you were living in a fantasy and thinking everything is OK?
You are having a hard time because you are still holding onto the fantasy you held onto for 18 months while she was out looking to find your replacement. But it's a fantasy. Let it go. She wasn't the kind of person who could handle that long distance. She went out looking and found somebody closer to home. It happens all the time.
2007-02-26 10:31:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok. Take your time and grieve for a week. Then gather yourself up and go out with your buddies. What's good is that you realize what you want out of life now and it's not too late to make it work with someone new. Be happy for her because she was ready to do this long before you were and now she is happy. Just leave her be and heal yourself. Let the regret go because she wasn't the right girl for you, your girl is still out there somewhere and she's going to find you. She's probably right there in the same city you are, you might already know her. Just take your week and grieve, then let it go. Don't hold on to the regrets as that will make you bitter. Take what you learned from these 4 yrs, what you now learned and put that with positive energy for the future. Good luck. Just remember, you have to go out with buddies next weekend. :)
2007-02-26 10:26:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop feeling guilty. Keep yourself busy. I know how you feel.
I would call her and talk to her. I was in a similar situation and called the EX and felt so much better! He answered all my questions and even though I still love him, I can atleast have peace in my heart!
You say a few months ago? And she's married someone else?
Weird! But I don't know her situation.
Good LUCK!!!
If you need anyone to chat with email me.
2007-02-26 10:15:39 · answer #7 · answered by pink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we can't undo the past, no matter what. it is easy to look back and see where we went wrong with our lives, as life is about learning. yes u will hurt for awhile and there will be a grieving process u will need to go through. but u have to quit beating yourself up over this, u need to forgive yourself for it. how many of us would have done alot differently had we known the outcome? all of us. but u have to move on now, learn from this, forgive yourself, how could u have known. as it wasn't something she chose to share with u and warn u about. good luck, it may hep u to get some therapy over this, as u are just beating yourself up over it. first thing is just accept it, if u do u will begin to feel better emotionally.
2007-02-26 10:24:02 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
life is not alway easy for everyone i have gonr through a divorce after 2 year of my love marrieage and i till miss him
in your case i think of only one thing that is that she didn't love you ya its true she told u to get married but if she really loved u she would have waited a little more
u dont need to think abt it and spoil ur future past is past and take it as a experince
2007-02-26 10:22:31 · answer #9 · answered by simran 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She waited for you, good point, but she was not sincere enough to let you know that she was going to abandoned you to marry somebody else?....please...!!......Ii is just amazing how cold hearth a woman could be....they change boyfriends as change panties
2007-02-26 10:33:27 · answer #10 · answered by Mark N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋