So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 5 months. I know it doesnt seem long BUT things progressed very quickly for both of us. We both jumped in with two feet and head first. We moved in together (he was my neighbour for 2 years before we started dating), talked about marriage and having children together and growing old with my parents living next door.
The 1st 3 months of the relationship were out of this world...honestly nothing else in the world mattered except for him. Completely infatuated. One morning I woke up and found that I "didnt love him anymore" this happened along with some depression and some chemical imbalances in my head so my family doctor put me on some anti-anxiety meds. They have done their part but there is still this thought in the back of my head that always asks me "Do you really love him?"
He is everything I have ever wanted genuine, trustworthy (something I have never had before), passionate, romantic, sexy, intelligent etc etc...6 months before I met him I got out of a horrible relationship with a cop that ended up losing his job for abusing me. We dated for a year and when times were good times were OUT OF THIS WORLD! and I think thats why it was hard for me to get over him cause our entire relationship was based on drama. So that being said going from a dramatic relationship to a healthy one 6 months later is quite tough but all in all I think this is the place for me to stay.
He makes me laugh, I feel comfortable with him and I enjoy spending quite nights alone with him. We are very sexual with one another and I think that him being with another woman could turn me on although I look at that as though I dont care about him and I dont care if he was with another girl behind my back or something which honestly I dont think is the case.....
All of my friends look at me with my current boyfriend and they say I am completely myself with him and I am usually not like that. I usually am very controlling but for a reason I am completely myself with him. I think I was like that before because my ex's were all meant to be mis-trusted....Anyways. what I am asking is why dont I feel as infatuated for him as I did for my ex...I always wanted to marry my ex until he became abusive but I cant say 100% if I want to marry this one. I just want to know 100% and know that this is right?
2007-02-26 01:46:23 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
When you are use to a dramatic type of relationship it is difficult to feel you are wanted and needed in a healthy one. If you are like many of the other women that are use to drama in your relationship you might feel that after a fight you feel extra love and excitement during the make up. It's a feeling that you crave and you're not getting in your current relationship because there is no need for it. I think you desire that thrill of the make up. Give yourself time. You'll realize that you don't need that in your life to be complete. It will take time but you'll be so thankful that you opted for the no drama relationship. You really just need to give yourself time. Try adding some other rushing activities to your relationship. Go skydiving or something similar with your current boyfriend. You'll find that it's much healthier and you'll get a rush of adrenalin. You'll see that it will work. Good luck and God bless!
2007-02-26 01:56:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing that I thought about was the abuse you were talking about.....I am now 31 y/o and just finally understood the meaning of a stable, healthy relationship with a man. I had never known that before, its always been some type of DRAMA. So now the past 3 years, I have been single by choice and now realizing how to have a productive, non abusive and loving relaitonship. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. I struggled with having relationships b/c I was so used to DRAMA (abuse) in the relationships and if there is no DRAMA (abuse) in the relationship, then I got bored with the guy and find some kind of way to break up with them. I can tell you what I am doing right now. I just meet a guy on New Years and every since then we are together, not dating anyone else or sleeping with anyone else. At first, it was weird to have this relationship without DRAMA, but believing in him and following my heart (life is too short), I have learned to love it. I care alot about him, maybe love, but no in love.......but on the way.
Follow your heart......life is too short not to experience true love and a healthy relationship. And seat him down and talk to him about yoru abusive relationship, so that he can understand your feeling as well.....GOod Luck!
2007-02-26 02:01:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should try to stop thinking so much and just go with the flow. You've only been with him for 5 months give yourself a break! Relationships are'nt all about drama and being kept on the edge - it sounds to me like you've found someone who is jenuinely a nice guy that ticks all the boxes, but is there something about you that makes you think you dont desereve him? Relationships are quite complicated, if you've got a guy that you cant trust and is mean to you it keeps you on your feet and you have to really try all the time to keep him so its almost like a challenge but if however you've got yourself a good guy who makes you feel secure and you dont need to worry about where he is or what hes doing then there is no challenge for you. Thats what is making you think about your feelings as your not used to being treated right! I think you should just enjoy being with this guy and who cares about getting married whats the rush! The first few months of a relationship are always electric but that never lasts. Your feeling for him are bound to change but just because its not as exciting as it first was dont mean you dont love him. Ive been with my fella for 12 years, i was 15 when we first got together and now im 27 and we only got married last year! You'll know when the time is right i did'nt know i wanted to marry him right to about 2 years ago! I think what your feeling is perfectly normal.
2007-02-26 02:15:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds fairly normal for depression. One of the common symtoms is that you stop enjoying things that you used to. It may be that you don't feel the love for him that you used to, not because it's no longer there, but because you're not capable of feeling it at the moment. When you get through your depression you will be able to see things more clearly.
Unfortunately life doesn't stand still while you sort yourself out and, even when you do, nothing is ever 100% certain. I would recomment that you talk you your boyfriend about your problems. If he knows the next few months may be a bit rough because you think you might be depressed, at least he will be prepared for it. I'd also recomend seeing a therapist to help work through your problems. I wish you all the best.
2007-02-26 01:58:45 · answer #4 · answered by st3f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its tough, i had a similar experience. my current boyfriend is perfect, caring funny trustworthy, but for some reason i DID have thoughts about my past dramatic relationship, my current at times seemed so mundane. However, i realised how rare it is to have a guy that cares, nd all the essential feelings are there, i care about him and love him very much, we have a great sex life. Jus because it isnt as whirlwind as some relationships. i figured it was worth sticking at and i'm so glad we did. Remeber, the honeymoon stage of a relationship doesnt last forever, think about happy married couples, they are comfortable and content with one another, not blindly infatuated. if you can get to a point where you are happy and comfortable, i think you should stick it out, if however you are not happy and think there is better out there, best break it off now to avoid hurting your boyfriend and yourself. good luck honey. x
2007-02-26 01:53:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you're keeping yourself from feeling the love for him that you used to feel. Sort of a defense mechanism in case its "too good to be true." My little sister does the same thing because she had such a hard time with her first love, now she kind of keeps her feelings shut out in case the new one turns out to wrong. When she thinks of life without him though, she quickly is overcome by all the emotions, love, that she felt at the beginning. Its something SHE has to work on now, but she does know that it is her, and that she absolutley loves her new beau.
2007-02-26 01:52:17 · answer #6 · answered by NestleGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think because you are not used to a man like this you don't know how to take it I was married to a very abusive man I was beat almost daily and when I got with the guy I've been with for 10 years now I was kinda mean like in a self defense sorta way because I just didn't know how to deal with someone being nice to me now after being in this relationship for so long wouldn't have it any other way we argue yes but my kids are in a better environment and we're stable.
2007-02-26 01:53:13 · answer #7 · answered by fluttergirl2004 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you have some issues in your own head.
Work them out before you make a mistake.
No one here on Yahoo answers can get inside your mind. Only you can do that.
2007-02-26 01:50:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have some issues and should see a therapist to help you sort all these things out.
2007-02-26 01:55:17 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this always happen...try to be with him and understand him more...then onli decide if u love him
2007-02-26 01:49:36 · answer #10 · answered by Blank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋