You see my wife loves me loads and is very loving towards me not tight in the bedroom either but i found myself having an ego boost via a woman on the internet and had long sexy conversations with her for about 6 months, my wife started getting upset cause she couldn't understand why i was staying up late at night till sometimes 3 in the morning and not going to bed at night with her, she actually cried herself to sleep a couple of nights saying she thought i didn't want her anymore i felt bad but couldn't stop chatting to this woman? Unfortunately about a week before christmas my wife checked my e-mail addresses and found loads of damning proof of what i had done she was devastated and distanced herself from me right up to xmas even went to leave me xmas eve but came back saying she could'nt do it to kids split us all up. I was very grateful because now she feels a bit bitter towards me and i realise how much i miss her loving ways to me what can i do? she also so photos of woman.
2007-02-26 01:05:59 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well, first off...put yourself in her shoes. What would you feel if you were to find that she had done what you did...with some men? Would you feel cheated on? Unloved? Devastated?
She's been threatened, you've stepped out of her life to spend time with someone else...even though you did nothing physically, you did engage in sexual conduct (cyber sex) and this in your wifes eyes perhaps, is as devastating as if you had gone out and had an actual affair.
It's going to take her some time to get through this...if you are giving her space, perhaps not talking much, no activity in the bedroom etc., then you could be continuing (unknowingly perhaps) the actions of someone who has lost interest, fallen out of love etc., with her.
I think it's time to sit down together and talk this through...If you have a jacuzzi or hot tub or even a whirlpool bath...use it. Grab a nice bottle of wine (or your favorite beverage(s) of choice) some candles all around (you have to be the one to set this stage up darlin', get the romance going...like in the 'olden' days when you were dating ;) show her that you DO care, do still love HER). Play low, soothing music in the background and talk...til morning if you have to. She may not want to hear some of what you have to say and same goes for you from her, but don't let anger or frustration cloud the progress you are trying to make.
There is nothing like working something out together and finding out that in reality...you were both afraid to approach one another and things really don't have to continue to be difficult between you...instead they've happened to make you realize what you have and what you don't want to lose. If you truly want this to work, to heal, then you have to be willing to take the first step and let her know that you were a 'boob' :) but that you were taken in by the mystery of an online rendevous and you never meant for it to hurt her...and on, on, on from there.
Good luck with this, if you truly are sincere and want your lady back...your sincerity will come through.
2007-02-26 05:13:30 · answer #1 · answered by dustiiart 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW ! I know that was heart breaking . You have to find a way to get your wife back mentally and emotionally . Get rid of the computer if you have to or go to bed when she does . Even if it comes down to this to prove you are done talking with this girl or any girl , get a camera in that room so she can check and see for her self if your still chatting . You have to prove to her you are truly sorry and you will be sure to never do this again . You have to understand where she is coming from , step in her shoes for a minute and see how you would feel if she was to do this . Change your email , screen name or whatever to stop this other women from contacting you and let your wife know you made changes . This is all about her now you better start making this up to her now or she will be gone , I mean really work hard at proving to her your sorry and it wont happen again . If you feel it will continue or happen again , do your wife the favor and leave . Sorry if I'm being so out spoken but I'm a woman and I know how she feels . GOOD LUCK !!!
2007-02-26 01:19:36 · answer #2 · answered by Me777 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You betrayed her, and messed with her self confidence. What you did put your family in jeopardy. You realize you were wrong and want to make it right. Look at why you did it in the first place. What would drive you to risk the well-being of your wife and children? Offer to get counseling. Think hard about what you had in mind when you married this woman and had children with her. If I were you I would go to great lengths to make up for what you have done. You are human and you messed up, but now you need to take responsibility to repair the damage that you have done. If you work really hard on it, your family may grow stronger than ever. If you don't work on it, you will eventually live to regret it. We never really understand what we have until we loose it. Do the right thing and it will be for the best of everyone.
2007-02-26 01:15:04 · answer #3 · answered by crct2004 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her how sorry and wrong you were and the reasons you did it. That is essentially cheating wouldn't you be hurt if you found out your wife had done the same thing. And crying herself to sleep and you are still talking to this woman yeah she's going to be upset for a while. You really need to tell her every detail on why you did it cause the mind set she probably has is that it was bc you didn't love her anymore
2007-02-26 01:10:02 · answer #4 · answered by ProudToBeWhite 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She is hurt. What you did is the same as cheating maybe not in the physical way. Just think how you would feel if she did the same thing. Apparently she can not get over this on her own and I would think marriage counseling would benefit both of you. She needs help in forgiving you. You need to find out why did this. If you both want to save your marriage and keep your family together I think this way with a lot of prayer will do it.
2007-02-26 01:14:19 · answer #5 · answered by Janst 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't do anything about that. You screwed up and now she has a reason not to trust you. Good job not being able to control yourself.
She is never going to trust you the same and if she thinks you are doing it again or feels distanced from you you are going to have a rocky road ahead of you
2007-02-26 01:10:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
WOW! your a very lucky man i hope you know! this women has some deep love for you if you've been talking to another women and was interested and couldn't think to get yourself away from this women. if this was me in your position...i would of never taken you back. she had every right to leave and to be honest your lucky to have her still in your house. but i think it sounds like its time to straighten up and try to make your relationship be saved. if you truly love her and want her around you need to show it and talk to her and if she want talk then i can't say i don't blame her but she could come around if you give it time. but show and try to be around her and your kids as much as possible. good luck buddy
2007-02-26 01:55:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you did was clearly wrong. And it also says trouble in your marriage but you should of not hurt her that way. You should of went to her for all of your needs and desires. She sounds like a terrific wife and you need counseling for what you did. And if she is not forgiven you then get marriage counseling but prepare yourself that this marriage may not recover.
2007-02-26 01:15:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope she is right to distance herself from you. She has no reason at all to trust you. You could have simply talked to her about your feelings instead of chatting all night long with someone else.
2007-02-26 01:11:49 · answer #9 · answered by Sorcha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! She is a saint for sticking around. I seriously cannot understand your thinking if you think that this is not cheating on your wife. Let's put it this way, you have basically shown your wife that you are content looking at other women and she is not enough for you. Are you surprised she is distant? If it was me I honestly would be miles and miles distant from someone who did that to me.
2007-02-26 01:10:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋