Was I right advise this?

Question

a good friend of mine met a bloke about 2 weeks back, and she spoke to me a few days ago and told me how she and him are really getting along good, im happy for her and everything, and then she said that this week their both going to spend a night at a hotel, to be with each other, and basically have sex.

She is a virgin, and so is he (so he says). I've never met him and only know what she has told me. But i advised her that its to early to sleep with someone and to go to be with him all night in a hotel when you hardly know him. I only said this because i don't want her to regret her first time, so i told her to know him better and then see later on, so shes still going to go to the hotel with him, but not for sex, just to spend time. But something in my stomach is telling me that this is wrong. I have heard stories of guys sweeting talkin ladies and then messing them about when their alone. she's only told me and no one else, and she's not tellin me where their going.

she says he's a really nice guy and they spend nearly every day together (for 2 weeks) and she knows him alot, but how can anyone posssible know someone in just 2 weeks. i'm concerned for her because she has been through before and the last thing i want is for her to get hurt.

was i right to advise her like i did?

she's only 19 by the way

to those suggesting that i maybe have feelings for her are incorrect. shes too young for me and we're best as friends. i have feelings for someone. i just dont want a friend to go through pain again.

Answer 1

she is 19 an adult and can make decisions for herself. some will be good others not. i think your advice was good but you being her friend she prolly wont take it the way she needs to. thats just us humans. friends are in a sense like parents. when they tell you not to do something its just because they dont want to see you happy. of course us friends know that its not like that and we are just trying to help. 2 wks is not long enough to know somebody to share yourself with them like that. sex should be saved for love. but again she will make her own decisions. the best thing you can do know is just wait and hope she listened to you but if she didnt and she gets hurts then shes going to need you. and you have to be there for her. you are after all her friend

Answer 2

You are so nice to be concerned about her and you are right, this guy may have bad intention, but then you don't know for sure, neither does she. Maybe she needs a friend, tell her if she sense something is not going good, tell her to leave straight away and tell her you that your cell is always on incase she needs your help. And if sex really is on the agenda, makes sure she uses some protection.
You can only hope for the best. Who knows, the guys may end up to be a good guy. But since she is already 19, you won't be able to stop her going ahead with it. But make you are there as her friend no matter what happens.

Answer 3

Ah ur the sweetest friend to have and yes its good advice, wether or not she takes it is not down to you, all you can do is be there for her after, if she really likes him and you object to much she'll either think ur just being spiteful or that you like her urself. Compromise ask her if its ok to know which hotel she's going to and can she give you a ring at least once that night or the morning. Other than that she's 19 so she's not a little girl let her get on with it and just see how it goes, tell her about your fears and gut feelings and hopefully she'll compromise.

Answer 4

She has been sensible enough to wait until she is 19 to have sex for the first time, she is a grown woman who knows her own mind.

He is taking her to a hotel, sounds romantic rather than sinister. I'm sure she appreciates your concern, but I think you need to sit back and decide if you want her as 'Just' a friend, to me it sounds like you may be a little deeper involved.

2 weeks can seem like a lifetime if you have spent a lot of time with a person, especially if you have 'Clicked' which it seems this couple have done.

She should let someone know where she is going though. you can know a person for years and still NOT know them truly.

Answer 5

Isn't it a pity that there are so few guys about, who can give good advice.
Yes, you did the right thing. You can do no more now. Except, when she comes and crys on your shoulder, than to offer advice and comfort when it goes a bit pear-shaped.
It DOES seem too soon for her to be jumping into bed after two weeks, but, that's my opinion only. If she feels she is ready, who are you to say she mustn't?
Just be ready as a friend IF it goes wrong.
Maybe you fancy her? Have you thought of that? Maybe it's you that is right for her.......

Answer 6

Yes, I think you were right to advise her the way you did, but unfortunately she is an adult and she has to make her own decisions and make her own mistakes. There is not much else you can do if you don't know where she is going except tell someone else who is close to her - another friend or relative maybe. Make sure she takes her mobile and your number and tell her she can ring you any time she is there and you will be there for her. Not much else you can do I am afraid.

Answer 7

You were right to advice her like you did. But do persuade her to meet in a more open area and not in a hotel. At least get the name of the hotel and ask her to switch on her phone so if anything happens she can call you.

Another way is to grab a bunch of friends to go with her, it might be dangerous for her to go by herself.

Answer 8

You can offer advice, that's fine, but you have to realise that it is only advice you can offer.

If she chooses not to act on your advice then it's something you have to accept.

You will have to abide by what she want's after all she is an adult.

What I would say though is try and find out where they are going, or if she still doesn't want to tell you, then convince her to let someone know. I personnally don't think it's a very good idea that no one knows her where abouts.

Answer 9

19? She can decide herself! Hey, you gave a really good advice!!! And you were right!! Maybe you prevented some negative experience in her life. But , on another hand, people learn on their own mistakes. But that was only advise. And, moreover, it was great, as for a guy giving! You should have a column of advice in a newspaper.

Answer 10

I was 18 when i met my husband, we knew each other for six weeks only, got married a year later had a child and we are still together. 34 years is a long long time. It can work out for some:))